Showing posts with label spiritual journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual journey. Show all posts

Sunday, October 7, 2012

In The Light

Source: someecards.com via Lisa on Pinterest
In our little nook of the woods, Autumn is finally starting to spread its glorious reach of orange, yellow and red. We've been chugging back the Pumpkin Spice Lattes for a few weeks there in temperatures well in the eighties and nineties.....but finally......we're starting to feel the chill of crisp, fresh air in the mornings, and the colours around us are changing.

I was looking out my window at some of the trees around my house and admiring the changing leaves, when something very obvious struck me. The trees don't usually have all their leaves change all at the same time. First there are patches of change, before the whole tree is overcome by the Autumnal changes and eventually the leaves fall off.

The science teacher in me had a fair idea why this is, but I did a quick google check, just to make sure. The answer simply is: light. The leaves exposed to the most light change colour first. They change first, and then die first. The same is true of us when we spend time in the Lord's presence - in His light - we are irrevocably changed. There's no denying a person's testimony when they open that door of their heart and the Lord steps in. We are changed from the inside out. And bit by bit, piece by piece, we die to self.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. - I John 1:7

Walking in the light. Sounds a bit airy fairy. Sounds like a lot of 'christianese'. But when it boils down to it - it is what we're all called to do. 'Walking' suggests a journey. A continuation. A process. We don't just wake up one day, make a decision to follow Christ and that's it. No, walking with Jesus is a lifelong process. Sometimes it is an uphill journey, sometimes we're on the downhill slide. We're never alone though.

'In the light'. Have you ever been around someone whose eyes just seem to gleam with Jesus-ness? (yep, that's a new word, people). With Jesus' love. You know you just look at them and know that their love is more than their self - it has to come from the Lord. That kinda outflow and outpouring of love can only come from spending more time in His presence.

That's what I want - Jesus' eyes. To be able to look at someone with complete compassion and understanding. To know that my human limitations are.......limited....but when I run out of the right words to say, the right actions to follow through with, then I can do these things in His power.

You see the more we expose our own self to the light, the more we let Him inhabit every nook and cranny of our lives, the more we are changed, the more we become more like Him. We become fearless as we understand what we're capable of, because Christ is in and through us. We're just the vessels. We're just the empty shells. We become bold in knowing who we are and what we're called to do, for the people around us.

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. - 1 John 5:5

Now here's the neat part. This is the part that gives me so much encouragement. This walking in the light business is open to all of us. We all have the chance to grow more patient, more full of self-control, be full of more goodness, be more loving - as these things are guaranteed to happen, the more time we spend in His presence. These gifts aren't just available for a select few. They aren't just for the holier than thou among us. No, this is for us all.

God offers each of us this gift of closeness to him, of nearness. We need only accept and enter into His presence. And we can. We can move closer to Him, by reading His word. The gospel transforms us. Plain and simple. The gospel transforms us. Worship transforms us. As we lay our own agendas aside, and we remember His goodness and as we simply praise Him for all he has done, we are transformed. As we come together with like-minded people, as we sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron and challenge and encourage and be real with each other, we are transformed. As we take responsibility for our own spiritual growth and not rely on the next message, or the next blog post, or our spouses to fill in the gaps, then we are transformed. As we focus on the needs of others and how we can serve them, then we are transformed.

Each of us has the chance to be close to God, to walk in His light. Right now, wherever you are, from the ends of the earth, to the little valley that I live in right now. God is here, and God is near. Wherever you are: coffee in hand, brain a blur with all the demands upon your time, with children shrieking in your right ear, and the buzz of the world in your left ear, you can draw near to him and he will draw near to you.

If you're having trouble with wondering how you can walk in the light more, then play this song, over and over again, until you feel something inside of you shift. Until something in your heart melts. And there you have it. Into the light. Your leaves will start changing. My leaves will start changing. You and I will slowly start dying to self, and become bolder and more fearless.



Meet The Author

I am a legal alien in this amazing country (USA). I desire to be the best wife, mother and friend I can be. I love life and I want above all else, to be used by God. I write to encourage you – to be honest with you – to prove that we are not to ‘do this life’ alone. We have much to learn from each other.
You can read more about Fiona and her journey into the light on her blog: A Little Bit Of Honesty.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

It's all about me... I mean Him... I mean me...


Source: Uploaded by user via Teena on Pinterest
My friend Kinsy and I were having a deep discussion about prayer and our "calling". How often do our prayers include requests that God banish our fears, fill us with peace, solve our every problem? If I were an opera singer this is where I would interject "ME ME ME ME!!!" Why do we tend to think God has failed, or at the very least , forgotten us when life gets hard? Kinsy shared from Max Lucado's Revelation study this little sumpin' sumpin' that might crack you over the head like it did me:

--The world doesn't revolve around us. Our comfort is not God's priority. If it is, something's gone awry. God does not exist to make a big deal out of us. We exist to make a big deal out of him. It's not about you. It's not about me. It's ALL about HIM.--

We, as weak humans, never want it to hurt or for life to get down and dirty. But put us at the height of a spiritual revelation and we exclaim "Ooh ahh, THIS is what God called ME to do." ...again I puff myself up and along comes Oswald Chambers to 'nudge' my perspective with that needle he often uses to take the wind out of MY sails:

--"For one radiant flashing moment we see His purpose , and we say 'Here i am, send ME!!' This call has nothing to do with PERSONAL SANCTIFICATION, but with being made broken bread and poured out wine. Yet God can never make us into wine if we object to the fingers HE chooses to use to crush us. We say "If only He would use His own fingers, and make me broken bread and poured out wine in a special way, then I wouldn't object!" But when He uses someone we dislike, or some set of circumstances to which we said we would NEVER submit, to crush us, then we object."-- (My Utmost for His Highest)

What is it that makes us continually sing our "ME ME ME ME" song? Why is it so hard to die to ourselves and just give all the glory to God? What is with our self-centered incessant need to always be all that and a bag of chips? We want to be the sun, the moon and all the stars. If only we could just be the moon:

The moon models our role.

What does the moon do? She generates no light. Contrary to the lyrics of the song, this harvest moon cannot shine on. Apart from the sun, the moon is nothing more than a pitch black, pockmarked rock. But properly positioned, the moon beams. Let her do what she was made to do, and a clod of dirt becomes a source of inspiration, yea, verily, romance. The moon reflects a greater light. And she is happy to do so! You never hear the moon complaining. She makes no waves about making waves. Let the cow jump over her or astronauts step on her; she never objects. Even though sunning is accepted while mooning is the butt of bad jokes, you won't hear ol' Cheese-face grumble. The moon is at peace in her place. And because she is, soft light touches a dark earth. What would happen if we accepted our place as SON reflectors? (From It's Not About Me by Max Lucado)

Let me be content to be nothing more than a pitch black, pock-marked rock, reflecting a little soft light on a dark earth.

I’m a 57 year old wife, mother, grandmother and farmer. These tags are important to me, yes they define me, but they don’t incapsulate who I am. I love God, my family and dear friends. I love to garden, cook and talk to my chickens, and in the midst of all of that…I SEE SQUIRRELS! So I’ll use this page to sort that out…. or not. I am the queen of fragmented/run away sentences and my use of …… is it’s own punctuation. I like to write as if no one is reading… which shouldn’t be a problem.


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Fearless Abandon

He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit. Titus 3:5 

Today while I was reading in the One Year Book of Hope (Nancy Guthrie) I was struck by a sentence or two. Like UPSIDE THE HEAD struck. It’s one of those times you think, “Wait, I know I’ve heard that before…or read that before…but…how did I not understand it until now??”

The light has gone on for me, for many reasons: the things I am learning about God since our recent family trauma, the ways that God has been waking my heart up by His grace in the last 10 months, and this whole Fearless Experiment trek of our dear friend, Lindsay.

Saying “yes” to God and trusting him in teeny and extravagant ways is something that’s been going on a lot around here. I am so grateful to be able to witness it (and experience it) because of Linz & co.’s transparency and letting others in on the changes happening, it’s beautiful! It’s just the beginning. Can you see how the fire of one person can help fuel and ignite the fire of many others?

God is changing us, helping us to experience fearless abandon. We say yes to Him and then leave the results to Him. It’s simple sounding, yet sometimes hard to do. I finally pulled the trigger on Sunday to build a little blog for moms (moms who ache) of prodigal, ill, or jailed children. I was SO AFRAID. I knew that God wanted me to, though. With a little fearless (or wreckless) abandon, I just stopped asking all the questions and set aside my pride, too. Some people do see moms like me as the leprous underbelly of society…or so my mind keeps trying to tell me. God knows me, though, and He created me to be more than a fearful follower.

But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” 1 Sam 15:22 

To OBEY is better than any sacrifice. I’m learning so much more about what that really means. We don’t sacrifice animals today, but we can sacrifice time and resources to help others. Sometimes our sacrifice stems from obedience. Some things are easier than others to sacrifice. 

Basically, saying yes to God, when He asks us to do something is far greater than the other things we may do-good things-for Him. 

Like, if we ask one of our kids to please load the dishwasher because the kitchen is a mess and we’re about to have company and you need to run to the store…and instead she organizes her closet, vacuums her room, or sifts through drawers to find items to donate to the needy. She is doing great things, yet, not done the thing we needed her to do. We will be disappointed (or freaking out). What she’s done is really nice, but not what we needed from her.

How do we know what we’re supposed to do or what God wants from us? I believe it’s the Holy Spirit in us and by purposefully seeking God every day. We have His Holy Spirit within us!!! That is amazing! Other world religions, from all I know, are about following tenants…on your own. Our one, true God lives within us! That hit me upside my head this morning and I feel like I should have the boldness of a superhero! How often I doubt and cower like Clark Kent…meek and mild mannered. Where is my boldness? There is nothing I cannot do that He asks me to!

Christ lives in me!!! This flabby body is the container for God’s greatness on earth!!! Wow, it just really soaked in. I’ve known it for over 25 years, why has it taken so long for me to believe it and start acting like it?? I feel fearlessly abandoned…I am weak, but He is strong! Through Him I can do whatever He asks of me…GREAT things! His Spirit lives through us, so our gross human nature can die and we can live an entirely new way. What a gift. Why, oh why have I spent so much time trying to do it on my own?

It’s incredible that the God of the universe wants to use US in His plans to change the world. We are modern day disciples, spreading the truth of who He is! We can be fearless, for real! 

I see so many incredible women around me, catching this fire for obedience. Saying yes to God can change our lives! It can change the lives of anyone around us. It is transformational and all around this valley, women are emerging from cocoons and taking flight. It’s a wonderful thing to see and I say THANK YOU to each of you “Yes Sayers”! You matter. What you say yes to matters. Fearlessness is contagious! Let’s ignite a firestorm so that others can see Christ more clearly!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

{My journey to worthiness} Rejecting The Lies in Accepting His Truth

"God uses ordinary people to accomplice extraordinary tasks" Do you believe that? 
Ever say these words to yourself? "How can God use me? I'm not a good speaker, I don't even know the bible very well", and the list goes on! I have prayed "God use me for your greatness" and in nearly the same moment, I ask myself "why would God choose me?" Doubting that he could/can ever use me.

In my mind God uses EXTRAORDINARY people to touch others. Ever here of a guy named Tim Tebow? If you are anything like me you may have not even heard that name until the last few years when he publicly stood out as a face of faith. In my head, that is who God uses, public people, beautiful people, outspoken people.

It wasn't until today when I asked God which direction he wanted me to go that I understood why "I" had not been chosen for greatness. After I asked God my question the answer was given to me. He said

"In order for me to use you, you have to believe you are important to me." 

That hit me like a punch in the gut, and still chokes me up just to think about it! Why? Because that is EXACTLY how I feel. Unimportant for his work.

I've always believed God loves me, died on the cross for me and rose again. He did it all for us. What I am still trying to wrap my head around is that he would do it all just for me! There is a song that says "I left the 99 to find the 1, and your'e the 1." That is heavy stuff! 

I totally believe you are the one, just hard to believe I am the one!

It makes me think of a time when I was praying for my nephew who was struggling. I hated that he was hurting, and I prayed "But God, I just love him so much!"As plain as day, his reply was "Imagine how much I love him?" Can we? I don't know? I love my kids so much at times it hurts! To fathom that God can top my love for my babies, and not only them, but me ... this is very hard for me to grasp, but I am going to try! Because "MY" God (I am saying these words out loud) wants to use "ME" for his greatness!

So this is the plan, I am going to verbally tell myself, DAILY that "I AM important" to Him! He wants to use me, little ole me! And he wants to use you too!

Kim... is a married mother of three very "active" children and is one of the original "Saucy Sisters". Saucy Sisters is a sauce and salad dressing company that produces fresh sauces with bold flavors.
[Editor's Note: Saucy Sisters' creamy pesto is my drug of choice... just sayin]

Visit their website at: www.saucy-sisters.com -or-
"Like" them on facebook

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Answering His Call... Part 2

   
Sometimes I think that when something is exposed by God, then it has been dealt with in that very moment. And perhaps I even rationalize in my mind that I can spend about a week with the Lord over an issue and BAM, its as good as gone! Only it returns to me like a sucker-punch to the face!! One of those issues for me is intimacy. Ive seemed to re-visit it time and time again.
This all to familiar stirring accured a couple of weeks ago when I was sorta floating through the scriptures. I found myself trying to whisk by Song of Solomon for the umpteenth time. The Truth is I've never read this book in the Bible! We know according to 2 Timothy 3:16, that all scripture is inspired or breathed by God. It seems to me that I've been fairly closed off to the attributes of God revealed in this book...right? He is the lover of my soul, my romancer, the One whom woos me into the deep place of intimacy....I don't consciously want to avoid any of Gods amazing truth for me. I'm ready to be completely set free!!

Let me clarify by stating that I'm not talking about having a personal relationship with Jesus here...I would even go as far as to say I've experienced many fleeting moments of intimacy as well...I'm talking about a lifestyle change. Also, at first glance most would assume I'm pretty much a girlie-girl. My closest friends and family know that that couldn't be further from the truth....Total tomboy through and through. I just watched my first chick flick only a year ago..I've recently told my husband,  "I think the Lord is turning me into a girl! Ahhhhhh!!!" All of that to say, that if you give me the part of the bible where wars break out, victories are won (even a little shed blood) I'm there! How about in Acts where Peter and John are healing the sick, casting out demons and raising the dead!!! Whoo hoo! My adrenaline is pumping just writing about it..Hee hee. I know right? Its the warrior in me. So sure its easy for me to think of my Lord as my Abba Father who always takes care of me..Or my Lord of hosts who leads me into battle. He's defiantly my Lord and Savior who daily washes my feet when they are dirtied from the cares of this world.

So here's the deal. I'm not going to even try to assume that I know what a daily life of intimacy with Jesus or anyone else looks like.... but I sort of know what it doesn't look like...here's is an example. Meeting with my Lord in the same manner as Jesus did every day, requires a certain condition of privacy. Again referring to Jesus' example, I don't ever remember Him returning to His disciples saying, "You are not going to believe the revelation God just imparted to me!" No! He just put it into action. So why is it the first thing I do is run to my husband or friend. Come on!

My life with Jesus can be recognized by the fruit in my life. In fact that is what Gods word tells us. That we will know them by there fruit. Not, we will know others belong to Jesus by how much they talk about there fruit. LOL. 

For me that is easier said than done. Oddly enough you will seldom here me talk about my husbands and my relationship because we have something so amazingly special that I don't have to try and convince you with every detail of our life together. Hold on! I'm not saying that we don't reach out to one another for prayer. Or share amazing experiences we've had to build each others faith. I'm expressing that myself and our culture go a little bit beyond that (OK a lot beyond that). My desire is to go deeper with Jesus, My family, and other relationships the Lord may be cultivating. I'm laying down any self preservation which may result in my being overly ambitious, hostile and sarcastic (to only name a few). I'm locking myself in my beloveds chambers open and unashamed.

So today and many many more days to come, I will be drenching myself with the beautiful words in the book of Song of Solomon. I promise not to emerge out of my house wearing daisy's in my hair and skipping. But I do promise you this... I will be forever changed!

            But we all, beholding as in a mirror (the word of God) the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
 2 Corinthians 3:18 

Monday, April 2, 2012

Daughter of the King


Photo by GYPSY JANE PHOTOGRAPHY (Picture of my niece Paisley taken by my sis-in-law)

The above quote was emailed to me the other night with a note of encouragement from one of our readers (Thank you Hannah). With my face in my hands that night sobbing, those words dropped so deeply into my heart.

Sheesh...and even as I'm attempting to type this I am struggling to see through the tears. I know what it's like to walk away from the familiar because being about my father's business in this season has led me here Kona (for those who may not know I walked away from the gym I owned for six years and now am a full-time missionary serving in YWAM). It's such a blessing to get up every morning to sunshine and ocean but boy, what I wouldn't give to wake up to cloudy skies but to be able to hug my mom, have coffee face to face with my friends, or feel little munchkin arms wrapped around my neck and hearing, "Hi Auntie LuLu".

(Kleenex Break...I'm sobbing my eyes out and have snot running down my face)

I battle everyday to stand out, to look more like Jesus, to not fit the bill of the world. But, some days it's hard to not just throw in the towel and go back to the normalcy of life. I am not called to have my own apartment right now, i'm called to live in 650 sq. ft. with 8 girls at the age of 31. I'm called to a twin bed and one shelf to place my things. I'm called to a full-time job in missions that lends itself to no paycheck.

Please don't hear me complaining...I'm just comparing the seasons of my life.

This is a season of massive growth. I see it, I feel it, I know it...but it's still hard because I have no clue what is ahead. Will I meet my husband soon? Will I live in Kona for another year? Will I write a book? Will I get to speak my heart to groups of women? Will I end up in some remote village in the Amazon? Will I even be alive tomorrow? Nothing is certain that is for sure. The one thing I am sure of is that as hard as this all is...IT'S ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!!!!

I got to say no to the world and yes to Jesus. I got to step out of the familiar and into the unknown. I got to give up everything I have worked the last ten years for and step into missions. I got to say yes to Jesus with everything I had in me. I was give the opportunity to say yes to standing out, to doing something crazy for a God I have never seen. This is a crazy journey of faith and I am so glad I'm on it.

Not everyone can pick up and move as I did...but maybe some of you could?!?!?! Just throwing it out there...Kona is amazing =). But let me ask you this...where in your life could you do less fitting in and more standing out? What area of your life could you choose to no longer walk in compromise? What area of your life have you been trying to fit into and you just don't fit...you know like when I try and put on a size 4 jeans when I really should be trying on the 10....You get what I'm saying right?!?!??!

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you; Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging your down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:1-2 MSG

We are to set ourselves apart...not in arrogance but in the way we live our lives. We are to serve when the rest of the world is being selfish. We are to walk humbly while pride rears it's ugly head. We are to be self-controlled while those around us rage out of control. We are to love even when they seem unlovable. We do things backwards, inside out, and upside down when we do life with the God of the Universe. It's definitely not easy...but it's absolutely worth it. Being the Daughter of the King is the best place EVER!!!

Max Rounds in 20 Minutes

5 Pushups
10 Lunges
15 Situps

Workout all the way through one round and then on to the next for 20 minutes. On your pushups try and get that chest to the floor, even if you have to go from your knees. Really look to get a greater range of motion. On your lunges make sure on your front foot that you are never in your toes (yucky on those knees) stay in that front heel as you drive up. Keep your torso upright and try to get that back knee tap the floor. On your situps make sure your head hits the floor each and every time. Good luck. Have fun and train hard!!!



















Sunday, April 1, 2012

A Call To Fight...

Last night CJ and I were talking with some friends about this spiritual revival that has taken over our lives,  and it made me start thinking about exactly what had changed in me. What was the breaking point for this breakthrough?? There was a miscarriage and then another miscarriage in a matter of months, friend drama, home drama, me drama... lots of drama... there were people speaking into my life and lots of self reflection. I think all of these things contributed to the change... but they didn't make the change... they didn't bring revival.

Revival came when I acknowledged that this journey is a battle I was willing to fight

I started fighting for my faith, fighting for my family, fighting for a life that is anything but stagnant and ordinary. I realized to have real breakthrough and serious transformation there could be no more sitting around waiting for life to happen to me. God showed me that HIS is an anointed fight... HIS is a battle we should all be up for... because HIS is the FIGHT that he has ordained for us all, from the beginning.

As this revival started to sprout in the depth of my darkest hours my eyes were opened to the heavy oppression and spirit of discouragement that filled our walls and covered our family. Like a mad woman I started rebuking the enemy first from my thoughts, then from my house and family. The verse of my soul was on my lips 24/7.

For God doesn't give us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love and self control. 2 Timothy 1:7

I proclaimed these words over my household... mostly because it's one of the only verses I knew by heart, but hey it fit:) I knew that if the dark feelings of hopelessness, and discouragement weren't from God, they were from the enemy, and I wanted them gone. In the power of Christ's name and grace I rebuked the enemy and cast him from our house. I taught my boys in their fear to say the words, "In the name of Jesus Christ Get out of here devil!" and as they began to say them with power and joy it strengthened me.

This may sound a little hocus pocusy to some... but I could feel the oppression of the enemy lift as we rebuked him as a family. I could feel the contentment of living a life of survival start to disappear as we prayed consistently for the enemy to be bound. It's like scales were lifted from my eyes and a new passion and hunger for God was born in the depths of my guts!

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:11-13


As a new mission for my life is starting take form I know more important than any ministry or calling is fighting daily, hourly or even by the minute for my family against the enemy. I have accepted God's gift of the POWER of his GRACE and in doing that I have waged a war against the enemy. It's a war I am willing to fight, and it's a battle I will never back down from. These words are not written lightly, they come from the depths, I am a natural born fighter... HE put that in me. But now instead of fighting people and the strongholds of my own sin I will fight the great accuser, the deceiver... the evil one. I am waging a war to be fought with love, humility and grace, one that can only be won with power  that only comes with having faith in a loving, forgiving and merciful God. I will fight as an act of worship for HIM.

For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God. 
1John 5:4-5

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Breaking Free... Fearlessly Crushing Strongholds

Photo By Maria Alexandra Photography
A couple of weeks ago I couldn't have told you what a "stronghold" even was. I knew I was being gripped by rebellion and pride but after recognizing their power in my life I had NO CLUE how to release them. I had a friend come over and pray for me and in the midst of a 30 second prayer for freedom from these things I felt myself release them and take them back... it was weird... like really weird. I felt a split second of lightness followed by the heaviness of oppression I have chosen to carry for a lifetime.

I knew what I did but I didn't know why. For days I beat myself up until I realized why:

I didn't know who I would be without the comfort of the sin that has bound me for over 30 years. 

The things that kept me from being free were also honestly a very comforting piece of who I was. MY foul mouth, my rebellious head bob and "tell it like it is" attitude were a shield I hid behind to protect my heart. My self hatred and anger and ability to put myself down with humor before others had the chance were how I survived... they were my protection, my excuse... for not moving forward in faith.

A couple of weeks ago I started reading about my "STRONGHOLDS"... REBELLION, PRIDE, A CRITICAL SPIRIT, SELF-PITY... oh list goes on believe me... and while I already knew these things were suffocating the work God was trying to do in and through me... I still didn't know how to move on from them.

It's been through reading God's word, and books on this subject that I realized there are actual steps to rid myself of these and bind myself to other strongholds that are actually from God....

In the Freedom Manual, Bryan Brennt said to remember the 4 R's: (on a side note this manual is amazing and I would fully recommend spending the $10 to download the PDF version no digital reader required.)

{REPENT}
{RECEIVE}
{REBUKE}
{REPLACE}

What I realized is that once I had identified the sin that was holding me back I had just been kind of sitting in it... bathing in it... soaking it in and beating the CRAP out of myself. THAT'S NOT WHAT GOD WANTS... the purpose of recognizing sin is to then be FREE from it, not wallow in it. And if we don't know how to move on the ENEMY can use it to push us down even more. (Matthew 12:45... read it!)

It's through REPENTING (sincerely expressing our sin to God) and then REBUKING the enemy (Actually saying out loud: In the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke the spirit of ___________ in my life, remove the enemy and bind him from this area!) that we begin to heal. But here's the kicker... when the sin is emptied, you have to RECEIVE God's mercy and grace and the RELACING that space with His TRUTH.

This sounds simple but I wonder if there is anyone else out there who has sat in a place of self pity and self disgust... allowing the enemy to oppress and do almost more damage than the original sin??? I am done sitting... I have shaken off those strongholds and I have accepted God's Grace and refilled my mind with HIS truth! 

NOW I am praying that my strongholds would be GRACE, FATIH,  MERCY,  LOVE and COMPASSION.

All over in the new testament HE tells us if we ask HE WILL GIVE FREELY... we just have to believe and HE will make us overcomers... He will make us strong, HE will help us fight... I'm ready to ask AND BELIEVE... are you?

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." 
-Matthew 7:7-11

Saturday, March 17, 2012

How I Am vs. Who I Am...Round One

The other day I was voxering (pretty sure that's not a real thing, but voter is a walkie talkie app on my phone) anyway I was talking to Lu and we got into an intense conversation... it was so intense we both thought it should be a blog post... or two... so today I'm sharing the first part of our convo and Monday she will be sharing the nitty gritty guts of it in ROUND TWO!

So, I was telling her that I felt like God had asked me to get off of my computer for the day on Wednesday. I was fighting it or course,  but probably not for the reason you think. In the past when people have made declarations of not being on Facebook or the internet or drinking coffee or watching tv ... or WHATEVER... I would do a silent head bob in my heart and kinda think well aren't we just all that plus a bag of chips. So when I felt like God was asking me to take a respite, because I desperately needed one, I got all squidgy and that old defensive rebellion crept up almost unnoticed... almost... and this is what ensued...

{Lindsay}: Almost everything that offends me and pisses me off and makes me be like "ohhhh aren't you so great", is because when people say things about their own faith or what they feel like God has called them to do (example: quitting Facebook, having study time in the morning, or any other discipline) I feel like they're saying I'm not as good as they are because I'm not doing it [editor's note: stay with me I totally realize how LAME this is]... which is pretty self centered actually. But for me, my anger always comes from a place of feeling pushed down or like I'm not worthy or that I'm less than.

{Lu}: Here's the thing about that, when we walk in places... and this is going to sound harsh but I've walked in the same thing... but when we walk in places of self pity and self rejection it leads us to make assumptions. So you make an automatic assumption that what that person is doing is something you should be doing when in fact it's probably not. Everybody's walk looks different.

When we sit in and don't throw rocks at self pity and self rejections it leads us to make assumptions that are totally false. Because the enemy is the GREATEST OF ACUSERS ... and this is my own same struggle and I make assumptions all of the time and it has lead to much destruction in my life and friendships.

{Lindsay}: It's so true, I want to shed these things that I don't like about myself and I know God is calling me to just be done with... but it's these little things you're saying... like HOLY CRAP... about the self pitying that are so true!!! AHHH! I mean I have no words... I love how you can just spit stuff out because I'm over here going AHH ERR AHHH! Like I have no words, but I love what you're saying.
(the rest of the conversation to be revealed in Lu's Monday post... I promise I have more words)

Don't be blown away by my profoundness:):) I honestly couldn't speak because of what God was processing inside of me. For so long I have identified myself as a STRONG, INDEPENDENT, REBEL (like a good rebel everyone cheers for of course). I've got my head bob down, and my "screw you" attitude perfected. BUT I have realized I have been operating from a place of deep bitterness. Bitterness that sows seeds of anger and a critical spirit. Bitterness that keeps me focused on my inward hurts and inadequacies. I am not that person anymore... It's never WHO I WAS... it's HOW I CHOSE TO BE.


Today I rebuke those strongholds in my life. I rebuke the enemy in Jesus name. He has no power over me! I choose to allow God today to replace rebellion, anger and bitterness... with MEEKNESS, LOVE and FORGIVENESS. I will not sit in self pity and self rejection any longer... I will not allow who I thought I was to destroy anymore of my life or my relationships... I am free....


"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many."
Hebrews 12:15

Friday, March 16, 2012

The Monster in My Closet….


My mom died a year and a half ago, that day forever changed my life. I am definitely not the same woman I was before that awful day. But this is not a story of my battle through sorrow and grief…..although I feel like I could write a book on it…..this is a story for when the “year of grief” was over and real life began again.

When 2012 began, it had been 14 months since my beautiful mom passed away. God had walked with me through that year of sorrow and He was so faithful. He picked me up when I couldn’t breathe. He kept planting His Word in me and reminding me that I was never alone and I felt like an orphan some days. It was clear God wanted to use the compassion and tenderness I had for others to minister to teen girls. This new ministry called “Girls Nite In” began developing just 6 months after my mom died. I was raw and the wounds were just barely scabbing over. I remember thinking “YES Lord….but really? Now?” And the Lord said YES!!!! There are teens withering and self destructing and the Lord wanted to reach them with His love and hope!!!

(Girls Nite In is a ministry to teen girls where we discuss the real issues of life. We meet once a month and talk about things like divorce, sex, toxic relationships, self hate, anxiety, loss & grief. We are raw and candid. GNI has about 60 girls that come every month and 40 women leaders. God has used this ministry to reach girls that are hurting and need a Savior!! This school year has been such an adventure that I never dreamed possible!)

So let me rewind back to January of this year. I had a couple people approach me and share a “word from the Lord” with me. I remember thinking, “Why in the world is God not speaking to me directly? Why is He using someone else to tell me what He wants to say?” His Word to me was that HE was calling me and calling me…..and I was not listening…..I was holding something back. I wrestled with this for a while…for a couple months actually. I would get on my knees begging the Lord to show me something.

“Lord, I have given you everything!! I have given you my mom….I have given you my time…I am being obedient with Girls Nite In….putting my heart on a platter….being transparent…..doing what You have asked!! What more do you want??” I have to be honest and tell you that I was mad. I was so mad that God wanted more!!! Hadn’t I already given ENOUGH? I was just coming back to reality and off the grief journey. Couldn’t I catch a break?? Couldn’t I just rest a little bit?? 

I really didn’t know what I was holding back.

Then a few weeks ago, my dear sweet Lindsay posted that video blog about doing something scary. As soon as I finished watching I knew that I needed to go before the Lord and do something I feared. It was obvious to me that I was holding something back. It’s like there was an ugly, scary monster in my closet and I didn’t want to open the door and let it out. I wanted to leave it in there because it was “safe” in there!! But instead of ignoring the pull on my heart….I sat before the Lord and I cried out to Him. I put words to that fear! I called it what it was and told the Lord. (He already knew of course….and been waiting for me to come to Him) That ugly monster was NOT SAFE!! It was keeping me captive. It was keeping me from the Lord. That fear actually controlled a part of me that I didn’t even know. God wanted to free me completely! Here it is….I want to introduce you to my “monster”…..

I had just walked a scary painful road of grief. I never ever want to feel that kind of agony…I didn’t want to give God my whole life or heart again for fear He would hurt me. I didn’t even realize I hid that away until people were calling me on it. And it had become the ugly monster that kept me from my Lord and Savior.

When I cried out to God that day…..He told me “Yes, Treva….you have done everything I have asked of you and I am pleased with that. BUT, you have not given me ALL OF YOU…..YOU are holding something back from Me and I want all of you. We can’t move forward until you give me everything.” What God told me was that the only way I could be a speaker at Girls Nite In and minister to these girls, was to walk COMPLETELY with HIM and trust HIM with everything! I couldn’t do what He was asking of me if I let the monster of FEAR rule in my heart!!!! This was just 2 weeks ago that I opened my closet door and gave God my monster. Since then, we have had a Girls Nite In meeting…..and WOW, what God did that night was simply amazing!!! (That is for another story)…

Facing my fear head on…..and doing something super scary…..God showed me that trusting Him is the only way to see His full glory!!!! It is the only way to live….monster-free!!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Talking to God about a Religious spirit....In ME!

Oh Father, how this subject has grieved my heart for so long...it probably always will. RELIGION. I despise it Lord! It is the very thing within your church that blocks the true character of Christ from being developed in the ones you love. Satan's most subtle yet successful tactic in stifling the true Power of Christ.

Countless times I prayed over church, bible studies, and people in ministry, etc...The moment I think my prayers are breaking through, Wham! This wall comes back up. I walk away feeling defeated, and in essence, I judge your children for being stiff-necked and hopeless (this majorly grieves your heart). Finally after a couple of years of this I am at my whits-end pleading for your answers! Many tears later, you reveal that I am not gaining total victory of pulling down this stronghold because there is religion in ME!!

How did this issue escape my usual process by which you have given me victory!?! -SELF EXAMINATION-when YOU have enabled me to be an influence over any specific area, I am first and foremost the catalyst for change.    
{I will never have the authority to free others from darkness if I am not free from it myself}

When others complicate what religion is, You have shown me that it is very simply this: Trying to impose standards on others that are beyond what God has required, or given the grace for at that time. Of course! I've definitely done this to my family and closest of friends. Why is it so easy to extend grace to people I hardly know? Regardless, sin is sin. No matter how big or small. And yet sin isn't even my worst enemy, neither saten. It is "SELF"! I remember years ago when You showed me that we may think we have spiritual gifts, we presume to be holy,we rejoice in human successes, but until we/I see Christ and abandon all of our own reliance upon "self", all we will ever have at best is religion. Man, I was sooo eager to do something for you Lord, anything...as long as I didn't have to change inside. I still struggle with this. I know you don't want what I can do..but you want who I am!!

Some years back I was having a crazy, terrible day. I looked at my employee and said, " Wow, satan is really kickin my butt!" she replied, "I think you are kickin your own butt. LOL!" This was so true....

Jesus, you have and will continue to deliver me from so many things. Thank you for reminding me that when I'm kickin my own butt and doing it for and in Jesus name...you are really just wanting me to EMPTIED in order to be filled with more of YOU. Father your correction is like sweet, sweet kisses to me.

Dear Lord, examine me daily. I will stop at nothing to be free and set other free from this devastating assignment from the enemy. I love you with all that is in me. And thank you for the power of LOVE by the blood of Christ!


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Fearless Experiment Confessional {Legalism}



Why is it that sometimes we are the very thing we HATE most in the world... even if just a little bit?Legalism has been holding me back... binding me... keeping me from fully experiencing God's powerful Grace!  Do you struggle with being legalistic or judgmental in any area of your life? What I have to remember is that it's not my job to convict others... acting superior or judging their hearts IS NOT MY ROLE IN LIFE... and pssst it's not yours either... 

I found it!!!
"For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom." -2 Corinthians 3:17


Saturday, March 10, 2012

Moving Past Awkward... For Him...

photo by Maria Alexandra Photography
A little over a week ago ... Lu told me she was speaking about Numbers 14... She was blown away because she was speaking to a group of women about body image and this is the passage God gave her... Being me of course I had NO clue what Numbers 14 was even remotely about... As I read about the Israelite's rebellion all I could think was THIS IS ME!!!

What really hit me was that the Israelites (even after seeing God's miracles) chose to not have enough faith to believe God would give them what He had promised them. THIS WAS ME!!!

How can we cry out to God and beg him to show us his will for our lives and who he wants us to be and then balk at walking forward and being bold and fearless when he lays it out in front of us?!?!?!?!

For months I was pissed! laying face down sobbing, knowing he wanted more from me but not knowing what it was... then as He started to show me what it is he has called me to, I stopped... I stalled... I procrastinated thinking everything had to be perfect to move forward. How could I step out alone? What if it was awkward? What if people started whispering that Lindsay has gone off the deep end and is now a spiritual nut case??? I waited weeks... until last sunday He said just do it... now... your excuses will always be there... just start the blog.. start the journey... and I will do the rest.

John 14:12-14:
“I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"

After a week of just doing it, listening and obeying and trusting He will do what he says I am changed. Trusting HE will give me what I ask for (no... not a new car or a smaller butt)  I begged to hear His voice... I begged for words.. and then believed he would give them to me... and he did... he did... no seriously HE DID!!! Why am I so amazed? Why can't I read the verses in John 14 and believe they are for me... ordinary, stay at home mom, butt wiping, nothing of a person... ME!!! Today I do know this verse is for me. And here's the beautiful part, it's for you too! It's for your neighbor and your mother and your husband and your 3 year old son... He wants us to move past that awkward fear and really believe He can do what he says...

HE WANTS TO USE US FOR GREATNESS... ANNND He not only WANTS to...
He EXPECTS to!




Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Fearless Confessional... {Pride}

Yikes... Pride can hold us back as much as fear can... here's my confession... it's a real one (not real pretty)... 

Mark 5:34 "Your faith has made you well."

After confessing this to God (a couple of weeks ago) He gave me the verse Mark 5:34... and I wrote this...

Tonight my father has made me well. I released the pride rebellion & defensiveness, I lifted up my hands to God. I am FREE, I am grateful. I am NOT AFRAID.

What's holding you back from being fearless?

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