In The Light

Source: someecards.com via Lisa on Pinterest

In our little nook of the woods, Autumn is finally starting to spread its glorious reach of orange, yellow and red. We've been chugging back the Pumpkin Spice Lattes for a few weeks there in temperatures well in the eighties and nineties.....but finally......we're starting to feel the chill of crisp, fresh air in the mornings, and the colours around us are changing.

I was looking out my window at some of the trees around my house and admiring the changing leaves, when something very obvious struck me. The trees don't usually have all their leaves change all at the same time. First there are patches of change, before the whole tree is overcome by the Autumnal changes and eventually the leaves fall off.

The science teacher in me had a fair idea why this is, but I did a quick google check, just to make sure. The answer simply is: light. The leaves exposed to the most light change colour first. They change first, and then die first. The same is true of us when we spend time in the Lord's presence - in His light - we are irrevocably changed. There's no denying a person's testimony when they open that door of their heart and the Lord steps in. We are changed from the inside out. And bit by bit, piece by piece, we die to self.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. - I John 1:7

Walking in the light. Sounds a bit airy fairy. Sounds like a lot of 'christianese'. But when it boils down to it - it is what we're all called to do. 'Walking' suggests a journey. A continuation. A process. We don't just wake up one day, make a decision to follow Christ and that's it. No, walking with Jesus is a lifelong process. Sometimes it is an uphill journey, sometimes we're on the downhill slide. We're never alone though.

'In the light'. Have you ever been around someone whose eyes just seem to gleam with Jesus-ness? (yep, that's a new word, people). With Jesus' love. You know you just look at them and know that their love is more than their self - it has to come from the Lord. That kinda outflow and outpouring of love can only come from spending more time in His presence.

That's what I want - Jesus' eyes. To be able to look at someone with complete compassion and understanding. To know that my human limitations are.......limited....but when I run out of the right words to say, the right actions to follow through with, then I can do these things in His power.

You see the more we expose our own self to the light, the more we let Him inhabit every nook and cranny of our lives, the more we are changed, the more we become more like Him. We become fearless as we understand what we're capable of, because Christ is in and through us. We're just the vessels. We're just the empty shells. We become bold in knowing who we are and what we're called to do, for the people around us.

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. - 1 John 5:5

Now here's the neat part. This is the part that gives me so much encouragement. This walking in the light business is open to all of us. We all have the chance to grow more patient, more full of self-control, be full of more goodness, be more loving - as these things are guaranteed to happen, the more time we spend in His presence. These gifts aren't just available for a select few. They aren't just for the holier than thou among us. No, this is for us all.

God offers each of us this gift of closeness to him, of nearness. We need only accept and enter into His presence. And we can. We can move closer to Him, by reading His word. The gospel transforms us. Plain and simple. The gospel transforms us. Worship transforms us. As we lay our own agendas aside, and we remember His goodness and as we simply praise Him for all he has done, we are transformed. As we come together with like-minded people, as we sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron and challenge and encourage and be real with each other, we are transformed. As we take responsibility for our own spiritual growth and not rely on the next message, or the next blog post, or our spouses to fill in the gaps, then we are transformed. As we focus on the needs of others and how we can serve them, then we are transformed.

Each of us has the chance to be close to God, to walk in His light. Right now, wherever you are, from the ends of the earth, to the little valley that I live in right now. God is here, and God is near. Wherever you are: coffee in hand, brain a blur with all the demands upon your time, with children shrieking in your right ear, and the buzz of the world in your left ear, you can draw near to him and he will draw near to you.

If you're having trouble with wondering how you can walk in the light more, then play this song, over and over again, until you feel something inside of you shift. Until something in your heart melts. And there you have it. Into the light. Your leaves will start changing. My leaves will start changing. You and I will slowly start dying to self, and become bolder and more fearless.

Meet The Author

I am a legal alien in this amazing country (USA). I desire to be the best wife, mother and friend I can be. I love life and I want above all else, to be used by God. I write to encourage you – to be honest with you – to prove that we are not to ‘do this life’ alone. We have much to learn from each other.
You can read more about Fiona and her journey into the light on her blog: A Little Bit Of Honesty.

3 Week With Jesus...

I spent three weeks with Jesus. Face to face. Hand to hand. Heart to heart. But I didn’t know it was Him. The first time He spoke, it was in through my husband. He pulled me into the bedroom and said, “My family is going to be staying with us.”

It had all started two weeks before, when my little family came down with a horrendous flu. Grandma, who lived next door, caught the same thing and ended up in the hospital. That week was hard, and more than once, my dear husband thought that she was dying in his arms. She hung in there long enough for all of her kids and grandkids to fly in from all over the country.

She came home, and all the visiting family moved next door into our house. What did I do? I panicked. Jesus opened my door and invited them in and I sounded the alarm.

The Son of God looked down on my little home and said, “That one. That is where I will send my hurting.” 

And all I could do was count my own shortcomings. How will I do this? How will I feed them all? Where will they all sleep?

I came to some of you and vented my anxieties. Jesus came to my door the next day. It was through a friend. She brought dinner and goodies and snacks to feed all of the visiting family.

I washed and cleaned and cooked and scrubbed and pleaded with God to help me be a light. I looked for those opportunities, but no one asked me for prayer or advice. They just asked for a place to sleep, some food to eat, a living room to rest in. As one week turned into two, I spoke less, I grew more weary. These people were in need, and I didn’t know how to help them. So I cooked some more, and prayed that God would use me. I made more beds, and asked God to use me.

More meals came. There didn’t seem to be enough clean towels, but there was enough to eat. This family wasn’t one to spend much time together, and yet here they were living, sleeping, eating, and grieving in close quarters. And every night, we all gathered and ate a meal together.

One day, I found myself in the kitchen scrubbing away at the mess that I couldn’t seem to get on top of. I was weary and my heart hurt. It was a rainy day and so all the kids were confined in doors and arguing over the Wii. We knew grandma wasn’t going to make it through the day. The tension was thick. I just can’t do it anymore, I told my Savior.

And He spoke again. I have dirty feet, He reminded me. 

Instantly, I saw Him taking a handful of dirt and spit and placing the mud on the blind man’s eyes. I heard Him greet the lepers that society had cast away. I was aware of the freedom the crazed man felt as the evil spirit was cast into a herd of pigs, and I heard the sin fall into the ocean waves, never to return again. I felt the thunder as the sky turned black and my Savior was crucified. His body bloodied and murdered by my sin.

He whispered gently in my ear that day, All I’ve asked of you is to have dirty feet. 

My thoughts were not pure. In fact, I had spent very little time thinking on what was good and true and right and holy. I had gone into survival mode, grief mode, just-get-through-it mode . . . and yet somehow my feet had still gotten dirty. Somehow, He had placed me right where He wanted me, despite my fears. He had used me just how He wanted to, even though my heart was unaware.

Jesus showed His unfailing love and kindness when He gave us all one last day with Grandma. She was awake and laughing and smiling and surrounded by her entire family, her legacy upon this earth. Jesus stayed, tarrying among us all that next day, through the tension and the rain and fear and the weariness. And when March 31st dawned upon us, He took grandma’s hand and led her home.

The craziness continued despite everyone’s grief. More family came. There were services, receptions to be had. Jesus came to my door again. It was my dad’s wife. Having only recently lost my mom, this is still a hard situation for me. But this woman cooked and cleaned my home preparing for the reception following the service. While we gathered in church, she served, doing what I could no longer do.

After three weeks of waiting for God to use me (and not really seeing that He was), God let me speak. Or rather, sing. I stood before the family and friends of this precious woman, and I sang about the Father’s deep love for us. Jesus was there while some wept. He was there as they gazed upon her picture on the projector screen.

In the middle of the song, the city experienced a power major outage. The lights and sound went out up and down the street and in the church where we all sat. So there I was in a darkened sanctuary singing while God spoke loudly:

“How deep the Father’s love for us. How vast and beyond measure. That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure. I will not boast in anything. No gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection. Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.” 

I have been humbled by His grace. I have been seeped in His presence. I have been surrounded by His mission all month long. It wasn’t pretty. It was messy. Tense.

Sometimes, the Kingdom of God brings about unrest as the earth encounters something holy. 

I wish with all my heart that I had done better for my Lord, that I hadn’t had a breakdown in the Food 4 Less parking lot, or that I hadn’t vented so much on my hurting husband and friends. But mostly, I am relieved and grateful beyond words that He was there with us, walking among us, embracing us in our lows, and comforting grandma in her pain.

I spent three weeks with Jesus and I wish I could say that I am changed. But the truth is that I still feel like a mess. Honestly, I just feel treasured in spite of myself. I feel blessed though I am too weak, and I feel unworthy and special as I hear him whisper even now,

“My grace is sufficient. . .” 

Katie... was raised in northern California to a Jesus-loving family. God was ever present in her family from the way her parents loved her to the miracles she saw daily. She witnessed her crippled father walk and dance again, and her mother's barren womb healed after thriteen years. At home she helped raise her little sisters, and in the church she was encouraged as a worship leader. She married her college sweetheart, and together they continue in youth ministry. Last year they left her hometown and moved with their two daughters to Southern Oregon to start a young adult ministry at Table Rock Fellowship. They are finally living their dreams of he being a youth pastor and and her, a worship leader; however, the best part of her life is being a wife to her man and a mommy to her daughters. It has taken them seven long years to get to this point , and she had to say goodbye to her beloved mother this year as she lost her short battle with cancer, she can honestly say with all certainty that the melody of her life is that of God's unfathomable love and never-changing faithfulness.

Check out Katie's personal blog at: www.ristowswife.wordpress.com

When HOPE becomes an idol, confessions of a warrior mom.

Oh I have been wrestling with the Lord a lot lately, okay, the last 10 years or so. A couple months ago God showed me that in a matter closest to my heart-and one that causes pain I never dreamed of-that instead of clinging to Christ I’d clung to hope. Hope is a wondrous thing. It’s a good thing and often in my life I cling to things that my Bible tells me are good things: holiness, faith, hope, and love, etc.

Can hope become an idol?I guess so, for me anyway. I had built hope up into something that became my rock. 

“The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. (Psalms 18:2)” 

It does not say hope is my rock. No wonder my walk with God lost its vibrancy. I have hoped beyond hope for a situation to be reconciled…or more honestly put, “fixed to my satisfaction, for my joy”. I was with a couple other moms retreating for a night and as I sat alone in the lobby of this old hotel in the morning with my Bible, I recognized that God was calling me out. (I told my friends I felt “spanked”.) I was wrong. My hope is IN HIM, not in hope. I am to cast all my cares on HIM, not in hope that they get better or that the difficulties my son experiences with autism magically depart. I think it was easier to hope in hope, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of not having my prayers answered the way I want. I have often hated the “A” word (aka autism) for so many reasons . Mostly because it feels like "it" steals the best of who my son is and steals peace and joy from our home. It feels like a tool of the enemy who wants to steal everything good and cause destruction of hurricane proportions.

The last couple of weeks I have wrestled with God over pulling our son from public school. I have asked God (yes, I am ashamed), “Please don’t make me do this, anything but this”. I am not up to the task. My marriage will suffer. As little as I get out now…poof, now even less! Lunch dates with girlfriends will really never happen. Hubby and I will never have another lunch “date”. Great, kill me now.

I have been willing to serve God, even suffer for Him, but I have always wanted to choose HOW. 

I am so wrong, about so much. My love that I consider pure and unshakeable for God is really conditional. I want Him to have all of me…on my terms. Oh, that is so hard to type. I am selfish and lack trust. I have bucked the mantle of “suffering servant”. Christ washed the feet of his disciples and said we should do the same. It sounds nice, sure okay, I can do that. Can I really? Do I? I realized when it is for people who love me back, I can. When it’s from someone who essentially just takes and takes, sometimes cursing me in the process, I’m not so willing.

I would stand in front of a bullet for this boy-and my other 3 kids- or take the charge of an angry bear. I know without a shadow of a doubt that is true. How can I be so unwilling to keep pouring out love, in a different way, in the service of home schooling?

I don’t really want to attempt the hard stuff feel all challenged and actually experience failure on a regular basis. I have to lay it all out for God and ask Him to show me the ick…I know it’s there. I just want to ignore it and make some brownies. However, my true heart for Him is manifest in how I deal with suffering.

Am I really willing to share in the suffering of my Lord and Savior or do I just talk a good game?

As a mom I have felt suffering. Parenthood opens your soul up wide to every potential kind of hurt that exists. Am I ready to embrace it in a way that allows God to change me into someone who may one day resemble his Son, the One who modeled perfect love? Do I just want to use my suffering to commiserate with other moms and let them know they are not alone? Suffering, Lord, any kind, let me be willing to walk through it with You.

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.”

—2 Corinthians 4:8-11

So much comes down to fear and pride in this one question for me, “What if I’m not enough?!” I have asked it and felt it for much of my life. The answer? Who the heck is? That’s why I need Jesus, that is why HE suffered. I am NOT enough, only He is. In surrender, I see that autism can be a tool in which God continues to scrape away the selfish, peace and joy seeking parts of my character. When that happens, maybe I will really learn what it means to seek Jesus, wholeheartedly. Maybe, homeschooling is the screen upon which my son will be able to see Jesus in his mommy. I’ve tried to show him in countless other ways for years, but maybe this will be the venue, time, and place that God will capture his attention and his heart. That makes me smile and feel strangely unafraid for what’s to come.

Moving Past Awkward... For Him...

photo by Maria Alexandra Photography

A little over a week ago ... Lu told me she was speaking about Numbers 14... She was blown away because she was speaking to a group of women about body image and this is the passage God gave her... Being me of course I had NO clue what Numbers 14 was even remotely about... As I read about the Israelite's rebellion all I could think was THIS IS ME!!!

What really hit me was that the Israelites (even after seeing God's miracles) chose to not have enough faith to believe God would give them what He had promised them. THIS WAS ME!!!

How can we cry out to God and beg him to show us his will for our lives and who he wants us to be and then balk at walking forward and being bold and fearless when he lays it out in front of us?!?!?!?!

For months I was pissed! laying face down sobbing, knowing he wanted more from me but not knowing what it was... then as He started to show me what it is he has called me to, I stopped... I stalled... I procrastinated thinking everything had to be perfect to move forward. How could I step out alone? What if it was awkward? What if people started whispering that Lindsay has gone off the deep end and is now a spiritual nut case??? I waited weeks... until last sunday He said just do it... now... your excuses will always be there... just start the blog.. start the journey... and I will do the rest.

John 14:12-14:

“I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"

After a week of just doing it, listening and obeying and trusting He will do what he says I am changed. Trusting HE will give me what I ask for (no... not a new car or a smaller butt)  I begged to hear His voice... I begged for words.. and then believed he would give them to me... and he did... he did... no seriously HE DID!!! Why am I so amazed? Why can't I read the verses in John 14 and believe they are for me... ordinary, stay at home mom, butt wiping, nothing of a person... ME!!! Today I do know this verse is for me. And here's the beautiful part, it's for you too! It's for your neighbor and your mother and your husband and your 3 year old son... He wants us to move past that awkward fear and really believe He can do what he says...

HE WANTS TO USE US FOR GREATNESS... ANNND He not only WANTS to...

He EXPECTS to!