The Messiness of Living a Life United

I'm right smack dab in the middle of a journey that is stripping off all of the things God never intended me to be. All of the things that hold me back, all of the empty lies whispered into my ears telling me I'm not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, spiritual enough... all of these things are being stripped away. The fear of failure and fear of success... the fear that others won't like me as God molds me into this new kind of creation. Painfully and slowly, but with great care and compassion they are being ripped from my sides.

We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. -Romans 6:6

I've said before what God has put on my heart has been to help unite His people... and then help ignite them with the passion, love and grace that can only come from Him. It's weird though in this "UNITING" process I kind of pictured lots of kumbaya moments with brief breaks of hugs and praise (for each other and for God) and you know... like butterflies and rainbows and all of that gushy love stuff. What I've realized though, is God's call on my life to unite can only be footed on a solid foundation of growth if the things in me that are broken have been fully restored. Which is a process that is really anything but lovey fluff... it's more like, live and learn and have opportunities to extend grace through pain and tears.

How can I go out and preach NOT TO JUDGE, and still have a small corner of my mind reserved for those who are especially vulgar to me? How can I shout a message of FORGIVENESS AND ACCEPTANCE, if I myself have never had to endure the pain of being wronged and the humility in forgiving and loving anyway? The answer is I can't. I think far too many people do though. And as I wade through the murky waters of experiencing the pain and humility of being restored... I am free... and as I am freed the silence is breaking... little by little my pain will morph into victory in someone else's life. Which is true victory all for God's glory!

So stand strong for our freedom! The Anointed One freed us so we wouldn't spend one more day under the yoke of of slavery, trapped under the law. -Galatians 5:1

What I've realized in these 9 short months since the ripping and tearing away of my flesh began... or the crap that is so ingrained in me it feels like my flesh... is saying YES to God means doing ALL that we do in love and grace and mercy and HUMILITY. 

I think as Christians these words are watered down because they're used too much. We say "love ya" to a friend and turn around and rip her to shreds if we feel we've been wronged in any way. We expect grace and mercy, because we're human right??? but we are so much slower to give it when doing so comes at a personal cost to us. 

The bottom line though, is if we are truly seeking to MOVE MOUNTAINS and GROW the Kingdom of God here on earth... these FOUR words need to be tattooed on our minds. 

LOVE.GRACE.MERCY.HUMILTY.

We need to stop pretending like we want what God wants and really dive in to the messiness that comes with entering into other's lives, pain, victories and challenges. We need to stop pretending we're perfectly imperfect (aka sinners but not that kind of sinner) and just roll around in the idea of actually extending grace and compassion to those we think are despicable. Gasp. It's when we can do these things, the enemy will be defeated... it's when we do these things we will be free from the fears, insecurities and jealousies that have kept parts of us captive to darkness.. it's when we do these things God will truly be glorified...

Do you ever pretend to let things go to God... and then take them back? Do you struggle with being perfectly imperfect?? I've bared my guts... join me... it's fun.. well it's at least a little therapeutic:)

pssst... are you going?

They'll Know We are Christians By Our Love... I think...

{They Will  Know We are Christians By Our Love} 

Peter R. Scholtes, 1968

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that all unity may one day be restored 
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

We will work with each other, we will work side by side
We will work with each other, we will work side by side
And we'll guard each one's dignity and save each one's pride 
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

By our love, by our love
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

We will walk with each other, we will walk hand in hand
We will walk with each other, we will walk hand in hand
And together we'll spread the news that God is in our land 
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

By our love, by our love
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

Love is patient, love is kind
Never boasts, not full of pride
Always hopes, always trusts
The evidence of Christ in us

As I pray my guts out to seek what God has for me and how He wants to use me in His kingdom two words keep resurfacing ... UNITE and IGNITE. How can I be a part of a revival call to UNITE when I am leading the charge to tear others down... with jealousy, hate, and cynicism?

I have been hurt and felt some of the worse pain in my life because of other Christians... and I have also been the one to hurt and judge and criticize... I have been the one who gossips in the name of  seeking "prayer"... I have been the one to crush other sisters because I felt "entitled"... because they were wrong... because I thought my sin was somehow less disgusting than theirs. Who would know I was a christian by my love? Certainly not other believers.

"Love prospers when a fault is forgiven,

but dwelling on it separates close friends." 

-Proverbs 17:9

I have been a splinter in God's Kingdom... I confess having been jealous of other people's callings ... I confess being bitter and hosting deep hatred and judgement . Not only hosting it in my mind and heart... but shouting it from the roof tops in the name of being a victim of their ugliness. When will it stop? When will the cycle of Christians tearing God's Kingdom apart end? 

When will we recognize this as the enemy having a foothold within Christ's church?? When will we stand up and fight against it? Maybe when I stop pointing fingers at others and realize the problem starts and stops with me.

I don't know when or how it will end for you, but the only way it can end for me is to fight day and night, minute by minute, rebuking the enemy in my thoughts and words. I have to stand up and declare "His love covers me so MY LOVE must cover you." I can sit here and be offended all day... I can sit here and be jealous and tear a sister down by patronizing her calling with a smile on my face because I'm too scared to step out and own my calling. OR I can be an encourager, I can have GRACE and LOVE even when others, maybe even unknowingly, do the same to me. I can cover another's sin with an expectant prayer of deliverance (See Circuit Rider's Podcast #24 by Brian Brennt) instead of writing them off and discounting their role in the Kingdom.

"And may the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow, just as our love for you overflows."

-1 Thessalonians 3:12

He wants us to live UNITED, the enemy doesn't. Where God wants us to seek love and grace the enemy reminds us of how we have been hurt and wronged. I am calling the enemy out today. In the name of Jesus I rebuke his attempts to divide God's kingdom through me... I will no longer be a tool for satan... 

Lord Jesus I proclaim your victory over the strongholds of jealousy, cynicism and hate... and I am declaring ownership of love grace and mercy in their place...

Because I know when I stand up and say I CHOOSE to be known for my love and grace like Jesus... others will want that too... I know when my life and my actions can reflect what these words are saying it will be POWERFUL. What would it look like if we all chose this path? What if we chose to be so secure in our callings that we could truly truly raise our sisters up in love and encouragement? What if we were sooo secure in Christ's power dwelling within us that offensive words ricocheted off of us leaving only marks that remind us to pray for the offender. 

I write this because I want this, and I know I have to have it before I can move forward into the depth of the plan that God has for my life. And no matter what we are called to... before we can answer and live  the revival inside of us... we have to recognize we all play a part in the "Great Division"... and then we have to decide what we want to do about it.

Perfect Love... He is enough...

“Everyone longs to give themselves to someone. To have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to a Christian says, “no, not until you’re satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved by Me alone and giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, to have a intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. I love you My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me…exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow me to have the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep that satisfaction knowing that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait.”

“Don’t be anxious and don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away up to Me or you’ll miss what I have to show you.”

“And then when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for is ready, I am working this minute to have both of you ready at the same time, and until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I’ve prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is the perfect love.”

“And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know I love you.
I am God Almighty.
Believe and be satisfied.”

3 Week With Jesus...

I spent three weeks with Jesus. Face to face. Hand to hand. Heart to heart. But I didn’t know it was Him. The first time He spoke, it was in through my husband. He pulled me into the bedroom and said, “My family is going to be staying with us.”

It had all started two weeks before, when my little family came down with a horrendous flu. Grandma, who lived next door, caught the same thing and ended up in the hospital. That week was hard, and more than once, my dear husband thought that she was dying in his arms. She hung in there long enough for all of her kids and grandkids to fly in from all over the country.

She came home, and all the visiting family moved next door into our house. What did I do? I panicked. Jesus opened my door and invited them in and I sounded the alarm.

The Son of God looked down on my little home and said, “That one. That is where I will send my hurting.” 

And all I could do was count my own shortcomings. How will I do this? How will I feed them all? Where will they all sleep?

I came to some of you and vented my anxieties. Jesus came to my door the next day. It was through a friend. She brought dinner and goodies and snacks to feed all of the visiting family.

I washed and cleaned and cooked and scrubbed and pleaded with God to help me be a light. I looked for those opportunities, but no one asked me for prayer or advice. They just asked for a place to sleep, some food to eat, a living room to rest in. As one week turned into two, I spoke less, I grew more weary. These people were in need, and I didn’t know how to help them. So I cooked some more, and prayed that God would use me. I made more beds, and asked God to use me.

More meals came. There didn’t seem to be enough clean towels, but there was enough to eat. This family wasn’t one to spend much time together, and yet here they were living, sleeping, eating, and grieving in close quarters. And every night, we all gathered and ate a meal together.

One day, I found myself in the kitchen scrubbing away at the mess that I couldn’t seem to get on top of. I was weary and my heart hurt. It was a rainy day and so all the kids were confined in doors and arguing over the Wii. We knew grandma wasn’t going to make it through the day. The tension was thick. I just can’t do it anymore, I told my Savior.

And He spoke again. I have dirty feet, He reminded me. 

Instantly, I saw Him taking a handful of dirt and spit and placing the mud on the blind man’s eyes. I heard Him greet the lepers that society had cast away. I was aware of the freedom the crazed man felt as the evil spirit was cast into a herd of pigs, and I heard the sin fall into the ocean waves, never to return again. I felt the thunder as the sky turned black and my Savior was crucified. His body bloodied and murdered by my sin.

He whispered gently in my ear that day, All I’ve asked of you is to have dirty feet. 

My thoughts were not pure. In fact, I had spent very little time thinking on what was good and true and right and holy. I had gone into survival mode, grief mode, just-get-through-it mode . . . and yet somehow my feet had still gotten dirty. Somehow, He had placed me right where He wanted me, despite my fears. He had used me just how He wanted to, even though my heart was unaware.

Jesus showed His unfailing love and kindness when He gave us all one last day with Grandma. She was awake and laughing and smiling and surrounded by her entire family, her legacy upon this earth. Jesus stayed, tarrying among us all that next day, through the tension and the rain and fear and the weariness. And when March 31st dawned upon us, He took grandma’s hand and led her home.

The craziness continued despite everyone’s grief. More family came. There were services, receptions to be had. Jesus came to my door again. It was my dad’s wife. Having only recently lost my mom, this is still a hard situation for me. But this woman cooked and cleaned my home preparing for the reception following the service. While we gathered in church, she served, doing what I could no longer do.

After three weeks of waiting for God to use me (and not really seeing that He was), God let me speak. Or rather, sing. I stood before the family and friends of this precious woman, and I sang about the Father’s deep love for us. Jesus was there while some wept. He was there as they gazed upon her picture on the projector screen.

In the middle of the song, the city experienced a power major outage. The lights and sound went out up and down the street and in the church where we all sat. So there I was in a darkened sanctuary singing while God spoke loudly:

“How deep the Father’s love for us. How vast and beyond measure. That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure. I will not boast in anything. No gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection. Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.” 

I have been humbled by His grace. I have been seeped in His presence. I have been surrounded by His mission all month long. It wasn’t pretty. It was messy. Tense.

Sometimes, the Kingdom of God brings about unrest as the earth encounters something holy. 

I wish with all my heart that I had done better for my Lord, that I hadn’t had a breakdown in the Food 4 Less parking lot, or that I hadn’t vented so much on my hurting husband and friends. But mostly, I am relieved and grateful beyond words that He was there with us, walking among us, embracing us in our lows, and comforting grandma in her pain.

I spent three weeks with Jesus and I wish I could say that I am changed. But the truth is that I still feel like a mess. Honestly, I just feel treasured in spite of myself. I feel blessed though I am too weak, and I feel unworthy and special as I hear him whisper even now,

“My grace is sufficient. . .” 

Katie... was raised in northern California to a Jesus-loving family. God was ever present in her family from the way her parents loved her to the miracles she saw daily. She witnessed her crippled father walk and dance again, and her mother's barren womb healed after thriteen years. At home she helped raise her little sisters, and in the church she was encouraged as a worship leader. She married her college sweetheart, and together they continue in youth ministry. Last year they left her hometown and moved with their two daughters to Southern Oregon to start a young adult ministry at Table Rock Fellowship. They are finally living their dreams of he being a youth pastor and and her, a worship leader; however, the best part of her life is being a wife to her man and a mommy to her daughters. It has taken them seven long years to get to this point , and she had to say goodbye to her beloved mother this year as she lost her short battle with cancer, she can honestly say with all certainty that the melody of her life is that of God's unfathomable love and never-changing faithfulness.

Check out Katie's personal blog at: www.ristowswife.wordpress.com

Fearless Experiment Confessional {Legalism}

Untitled from Lindsay McPhail on Vimeo.

Why is it that sometimes we are the very thing we HATE most in the world... even if just a little bit?Legalism has been holding me back... binding me... keeping me from fully experiencing God's powerful Grace!  Do you struggle with being legalistic or judgmental in any area of your life? What I have to remember is that it's not my job to convict others... acting superior or judging their hearts IS NOT MY ROLE IN LIFE... and pssst it's not yours either... 

I found it!!!

"For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom." -2 Corinthians 3:17

The Predecessor of Fearlessness

In the 1800’s, an acrobat named Blondin (Jean-Francois Gravlet) became famous for crossing Niagra Falls by tightrope many times, usually with no safety net.

One day a crowd gathered at the falls to watch his most dangerous attempt yet. He planned to push a wheelbarrow loaded with a heavy sack of cement across the tightrope. With that extra weight, the slightest miscalculation could tip the wheelbarrow and twist him off the wire, plunging him to death in the raging waters 160 feet below.

Thousands watched breathlessly as he made his way across, placing one foot carefully in front of the other, quietly pushing the wheelbarrow across the spray-filled chasm, oblivious to the roar of the water beneath him.

When he made it to the other side, the throng let out its collective breath and cheered. What a feat! After his crossing, Blondin challenged a nearby reporter: “Do you believe I can do anything on a tightrope?”

“Oh yes, Mr Blondin,” said the reporter, “after what I’ve seen today, I believe it. You can do anything.”

“Do you believe, then,” said Blondin, “that instead of a sack of cement, I could put a man in this wheelbarrow-a man who has never been on a tightrope before-and wheel him without a net, safely over to the other side?”

“Oh yes sir, Mr. Blondin,” said the reporter, “I believe it.”

“Good,” said Blondin. “Get in.”

The reporter paled and quickly disappeared into the crowd. It’s one thing to believe something but quite another to have that kind of faith in someone.

However, one person that day did have that kind of faith in Blondin. This brave volunteer agreed to get into the wheelbarrow and cross the falls with the master acrobat.

As Blondin tipped out the bag of cement and placed his passenger in the barrow, men on both sides of the falls quickly placed bets on the outcome. Then as the crowd cheered, Blondin made his way back across the falls, this time pushing a nervous passenger ahead of him.

It looked like another easy conquest for the daredevil. But when they were halfway across the sixteen-hundred foot rope, a man with a heavy bet against them crept over and cut one of the guy wires.

Suddenly the tightrope pitched crazily back and forth, the force of the whipping motion gaining in intensity. As Blondin fought to keep his balance, he knew that they were seconds way from death. When the rim of the wheelbarrow came off the wire, they would both be pitched headlong into the churning waters.

Blondin spoke, cutting through the terror of his passenger in the wheelbarrow. “Stand up!” he commanded. “Stand up and grab my shoulders!”

The man sat there paralyzed. “Let go and stand up! Let go of the wheelbarrow! Do it or die!”

Somehow the man managed to stand up and step out of the swaying wheelbarrow. “Your arms-put them round my neck! Now your legs-round my waist!” said Blondin.

Again the man obeyed, clinging to Blondin. The empty wheelbarrow fell, disappearing into the frothy turmoil far below. The aerialist stood there, using all this years of experience and every trained muscle to stay on the wire until pitching subsided a little. Then inch by inch he made his way across, carrying the man like a child. Finally he deposited him on the other side.

(This story found in DARING TO LIVE ON THE EDGE by Loren Cunningham)

The man obeyed, clinging to Blondin...

He did what Blodin had told him to do because in the moment of fear the man was paralyzed. He froze, but the voice of Blodin broke through the fear and he did as he was instructed, he clung. Had he not wrapped his arms around his neck, his legs around his waist, death would have been absolute.There was a faith the man had in Blodin, he trusted the man. He stepped out into a wheelbarrow, on a tightrope, over Niagra Falls for goodness sake...Here's the bottom line, we want to be women who walk fearlessly, right?!?!?!

The more and more I am fearlessly doing life, the more and more I am realizing that I can't do it without faith. Without faith fearlessness is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE. I have to cling to Jesus, I have to have faith in His words to me. When He tells me to STAND UP! I must. When He tells me to wrap my arms around his shoulders...goodness me, I DO IT!!!

Life is scary, life is difficult, it's a tightrope and the only thing I choose to cling to is the One I trust more than any...my Heavenly Father. His perfect love will cast out all of my fear. His love will get me across the rope safely.

BUT....I must trust Him. I must trust that He is more committed to my dreams than I am. I must trust that He is more committed to my family than I am. I must trust that He is more committed to my finances than I am. I must trust that He is more committed to my heart than I am. He is even more committed to me meeting my husband....CAN I GET AN AMEN!!!!

With FAITH the things I FEAR become obsolete. I will stand up out of the wheelbarrow and cling to Him as He walks me to the other side. Another victory over fear, it's not a one time thing. It's daily, it's a life of living by faith.

On December 7, 2011 God pierced through my paralysis and called me to a life of missions. He called me out of my business, my home, and all that I knew. He asked me to stand up and cling to Him and His promises. I will not pretend and tell you that it's been easy. It's been the scariest ride of my life. I left behind the safety of my friends and family. I left behind a successful business that provided monthly financial provision. I literally left and walked away from an identity, but I will tell you that I know, that I know, that I know everyday I'm injected with more faith and less and less fear.

God has things He has for your life....stand up and hold on tight knowing He is the best thing you can hold on to! He is the best thing you could trust. His perfect love will cast out ALL of your fears. Where there is faith, fear has no hold.

Willing to get in the wheelbarrow?

             Deck of Cards

Take a deck of cards, shuffle. Face cards are 10, Aces are 11, numbered cards as valued. Flip each card and perform the movement and the number of reps specified. Cycle through deck if you dare or go for 20 minutes.

Hearts=Burpees

Diamonds=100m sprint

Spades=Squats (Video for proper squat)

this video is a little long but it's soooooo good!!!!!!!

Clubs=Situps

The Cheerful Giver

Did you know that God uses your family to train and equip you for the relationships that you are building for His Kingdom purposes? How you react, (whether in a positive or negative manner) will directly mirror your relationships outside of your family unit!

The above scripture is often used by pastors conducting a sermon on tithing..and while I believe that was the basis for Pauls teaching, there is complete relevance to being a " Cheerful Giver" outside of this. The Greek word for 'cheerful ' is hilaros, from which we get our word hilarious. According to Paul the giving of ourselves whether monetarily or otherwise, should not be a pain. It should be a party. I don't know about you, but the only parties I'm attending pertaining to my family, are PITY PARTIES! AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT CLEANS UP AROUND HERE? UGH! I GUESS I'LL BE THE ONE FEEDING THE DOG AGAIN! WHAAAA! But when I give to my family with purpose in my heart it completely changes the atmosphere of my home-no matter what the circumstance:)

I have to be careful to give ONLY what the Lord would have me give. 
Not any more not any less!!

Each individual family member requires something completely different from the next. If I'm not under the Rule of the Spirit this can cause me to be sooo stretched that I could snap at any second. We all no how ugly that can be!?! Here are some examples of what the Lord has ministered to me through my wonderful family. And how the friendships/divine appointments God sends into my life are cultivated through these experiences.

• With my husband I have learned to be sure that I'm not trying to teach him something only God can teach him. If I get out of the way, he will draw closer to God on his own. My job is to "quietly" (very very difficult for me) unconditionally LOVE.
• My oldest son desires my ear. He likes to keep me posted on the who's who and whats what with music, friends, etc...He doesn't necessarily want my opinion one way or the other. By being a good listener I have gained his trust.
• My second child is VERY sensitive. He requires and never tires of the words I love you. This constant reaffirming of  love motivates him out of his comfort zone.
• My third child wants my attention on him every second of everyday! This kid is relentless!!! I have learned to exercise boundaries with him. He is also a sure cure for any lazy tendencies I might have had toward parenting. Dang it!
• The last member of my family is my sweet little girl! She is so tiny and seemingly fragile, so my tendency is to underestimate the strength that God has already placed in her. She already stands up to her three brothers! I'm finding it nearly impossible not to hover over her protectively. I have a feeling this one is going to continue to surprise me as she grows into a warrior for the Lord!

Being that this is the "fearless experiment", I must add, being a terrible wife/mother has been a fear of mine. Countless times I've called my husband at work begging him to fire me and send me packin back into the workforce. Now I Know by Gods grace and mercy, I can live obediently to the whisper of the Holy Spirit in how to cheerfully give to each member of my family. I also know that I will watch each of my children, inspired by Gods truth, do the same to others for the KINGDOM OF GOD.