Glorifying "Busy"...

(revised pinterest poster:)

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." - John 14:27

I'm sitting here typing with an avulsion fracture on my ankle, a sweet little souvenir I got to keep from our big vintage fair this weekend. A reminder that my body can't go at the rate that I was previously operating at ANNND a kick in the teeth by perspective.

When I saw the above saying on Pinterest... "STOP THE GLORIFICATION OF BUSY" I screamed "YES" out loud. Yes, my kids are completely used to spastic random outbursts like that from me:):) 

Sooo.... WHY do we do it??? Have you ever got in those "conversations" with other women about how crazy life is and have it turn into some sort of contest about who's life is the busiest, who has the most kids, the most laundry the most projects all on the smallest amount of sleep... blah blah blahbady blah!!! I've done it! I bet you've done it... and we need to STOP! In the name of Jesus... WE NEED TO STOP PRETENDING BUSY= GOOD.

There's so much personal fulfillment we get from being busy... if you're insecure in any way being busy and "out there" about what you're doing can bring lots of pats on the back, lots of sympathy and lots accolades annnnnd if you're doing just enough you might just get the coveted "I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT ALL."

PUKE!!!! 

GIRLS we are made for MORE than being "busy".

A couple of weeks ago a good friend said "I don't know how you do it all" to me and God used something that used to puff me up to convict me and start an upheaval of something needing to be broken off in me. Let me tell you how I've done it all... I've put my kids, my husband, my sex life, (yup), my passions etc. all on the back burner. I mean you have to if you're really going to do "it all." Why is that OK?? Why is it celebrated?? Why do I feel guilty about wanting to have an actual hobby that has nothing to do with grocery shopping or taking the car through the car wash alone? I'm done! We get ONE LIFE PEOPLE... I don't think at the end we're going to say, "Ohh I wish I would have done one more thing out of guilt so I could have ignored my family just a little more..."

Now, I will say, our fair was a lot of work... it was long hours and a wee bit of stress. But it was also God ordained. It was so fulfilling and something we enjoyed as a family and even in it's challenges there was growth and community and deepening of relationships. I'm actually not talking about the fair... it's all of the other little things I said yes to on top of the fair that God did not call me to. Things that were done out of guilt or not knowing how to say no. Things I added to my plate that were just distractions from the journey HE HAS ORDAINED FOR ME.

I fully realize I'm rambling... but can I get an AMEN? I'm sick of going and doing and pleasing others at my family's expense and at the expense of the calling God has given me. My friend just voxed me today and said our time  here is short! IT IS, it's short girls!!! We can't waste it by being 'busy" with stuff He hasn't called us to.

So how do you know if what you're doing is from God and not just a distraction of business from the enemy?? As Heather C. reminded me today... GUILT IS NOT FROM GOD... the enemy wants us to believe every second of our days need to be filled. He wants us to believe our kids need to be occupied 24/7 and he covers us with guilt and makes us feel like we have to apologize for quiet afternoons or evenings at home. It's when we stop going and doing and we focus on relationships that we see what needs repaired ... we can be still and hear God's voice... we can teach our kids their significance is in Christ and not in what is accomplished in a day. And the ENEMY does NOT want that.

As a recovering people pleaser these are not easy words to write. It's scary to slow down! What will people think when my answer is no? Not, "No I have 7 other commitments," but "No, that doesn't work for me right now." As I am forced via a fractured ankle to slow down I am seeing what God has been trying to show me for months. Is this message for you too?? Lets STOP together... lets STOP asking women how they get it "all" done... because I guarantee you somethings NOT being done and it's most likely her poor husband. Let's STOP celebrating it ... and let's stop doing it... together... ready??? One... Two... Three... STOP!

As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” -Luke 10:38-42

Revival starts at home...

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.-Romans 12:2

God has done some UH-MAZING... INCREDIBLE things up here on HOPE HILL in the past month! There has been repentance, acceptance, baptism, community, REEEEEVIVAL people. I feel like it's just a snowball effect and God is doing it all! 

How amazing it is to see other people transformed and to see how God is using this huge gift He has given us only a year after the "build".  Here's the thing though and it's powerful and true and right and it is something my mom told me about 17 years ago as I prepared to leave for my first long term mission. I believe I was in the living room calling my little brother an effing little SOB when my mom popped her head in and said, "Hey Linz, guess what... your mission starts here.. at home, with your family." I think I rolled my eyes and finished mutalating little denny with my hate and anger.

This morning at 33, as I was weeping in her kitchen, she reminded me the same thing. I am being transformed... GOD IS CHANGING ME!!! hmm hmm, but I wonder if my husband and kids would notice the change. I'm game for whatever God has up on The Hill.. but asking me to be joyful or have grace at home... not so much. Praise GOD FOR HIS GRACE! Praise God that he used my moms words again to remind me where the revival he has set before needs to start... HOME... HUSBAND... CHILDREN... 

Today I confess and repent for the anger and control that have been dictating my attitude toward my family... today I claim victory... I claim surrender and the opulent freedom that comes with letting go. I give my agenda for the day to you jesus! Not just in words but from the depths of my guts Lord! Transform me... not just the me people on the outside see... transform my core... let me husband and kids be the recipients of your work in me... REVIVAL LORD... TRUE REVIVAL is what I'm calling out and longing for... get rid of all of the other crap that has kept me bound and held me back!!

AMEN...

Dancing in the Minefields...

{Dancing in the minefields} That's the thought that keeps wafting through my mind as I'm trying to grip the reality of life. I (we) have a relationship with Minefields. I just didn't realize how close of a relationship it was. I found out it's where I live. Permanently. And so does everyone else. Somehow I had thought that the minefields of life were rare and possible to avoid, or that was the goal. And if you found yourself in one, you should just spastically run through it, darting this way and that, until you've made it out as unscathed as possible. Maybe for some souls life is that way. But, I think the reality for most of us, is that we are LIVING in the minefields. So waiting until we get out to dance, means we'll never dance at all.

Well... (I tell God) at least now in my "minefield life" I have learned how to shuffle around robotically. Working day and night maneuvering and outwitting foreseen negatives. I'm heavy-laden and lacking joy but, hey, at least I'm trying to get us outta here, right?. God's grace is patient, but His desire for my freedom is bigger. Surviving is not good enough for Him or me! I was created to dance. The real kind of dancing. Not awkward, forced movements we all do because.....well....we've been saved too long not to, plus, everyone's watching. But the free, effortless movements that come from a soul that is floating on the wings of a Saviour.

But how do I get that in me? How do I dance with that fluid expression of joy whilst things are blowing up around me. And worse yet, what if things get eerily quiet? What about then? There's still all those looming places I "think" should be blowing soon, so I'm obsessively watching and arranging my life around them. No peace. Ever.

I don't know how others feel, but I am exhausted. Exhausted from the avoidance patterns I run. Exhausted from the extreme molting I experience every time I am nearly hit. I CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS. Out of sheer weakness and misery I believe I am ready to face this demon. (Not the way I pictured heading into victory). Dear God, deliver me! And anyone else who has lived a life paralyzed by fear! What would it feel like if I did not fret about losing my life....or losing the life of of my children? AHHH!!! Does that state of peace exist? I think it does.

When my 2 yr old son went from a healthy boy to 2 days later laying in Portland's ICU with a chest tube.......I learned about the freedom God wanted to give me. I stared down at my baby boy's face for 7 days searching for any signs that these freakish, sudden complications of Pneumonia was not the way it was all gonna end. God revealed himself to me. It was not about the comfort that comes from believing in His promises to heal, although I knew He wanted to. He taught me about His Sovereinty. The same Sovereinty and Majesty I'd witnessed days before when looking out that small airplane window that transported my little boy. Amazing!! My life felt so overwhelming, yet His cosmic powers were holding this whole place together with just a word from His lips. There is peace in knowing our days are numbered. There is peace in knowing that even though I am called to be the best steward, I am still not responsible for how many breathes I take.

God could have prevented Lucas from ever getting sick. He could've healed him on Day 2 with antibiotics, or even Day 3 with the chest tube would have been nice. But on day 7 (of course) he swept in, wiped the effusions and infection from his lung and granted complete healing. Praise God!! It was only hours before that the xray had shown horrific damage that only a surgeon could reverse. Glory to God!! Praise Him!! He is powerful!!..........Phew! As we wipe the sweat from our brow....

But........wait.....what about next time, I ask? What about when the numbers on a life I love really are up? What about that pain? What about those goodbyes? What do we do then? God's answer was still the same......

I AM. TRUST ME. IT'S TIME TO DANCE.
I think I will.

I married in 2000, 4 months after meeting the love of my life. The next 11yrs proved to be amazing....filled with laughter and tears as God filled our home with 5 more. I am honored and humbled everyday I get to stay home with my kids. The task momma's face daily is daunting....and I shake my head in wonderment that I've been allowed to do it after all my failures! My children's ages are 10, 8, 7, 5, and 3
and without the love of my amazing man, I don't know where I'd be!

Faith over Feelings... what a concept!

I will no longer allow my feeling and emotions dictate whether or not I say yes to God... here is why..

"How much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets. By FAITH these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight."

- Hebrews 11:32-34 (NLT)

...because I want this kind of faith... 

Leaving a Godly Legacy... Breaking The Cycle of Disfunction

No matter how you were raised….good, bad or ugly….you can CHOOSE to be different and leave a legacy of godliness!! So many of us are trapped by the decisions are parents made. We have their DNA and therefore we have to repeat what they did or didn’t do. NOOOOOO, this is a lie from the enemy! If you grew up in dysfunction, abuse, divorce or abandonment….the enemy wants you to stay there. He wants you to roll around in the muck and repeat those cycles of brokenness over and over!! The Lord, however, came to BREAK those cycles. 

Christ came to SET US FREE 

from bondage and slavery!!!! 

It’s true that our parents gave us life. We share DNA and often times we have the same mannerisms, thought patterns and quirks. We wouldn’t be here without them, true. A more important TRUTH is that we were created in GOD’S IMAGE!!! He made each one of us to know Him, walk with Him and to be His children. He wants us to call Him “Abba”, which means “Daddy”. How amazing is that?? God has adopted us as His own and wants us….no, LONGS FOR US, to call Him “Daddy”!!!

At 39 years old, I am an orphan. 

No parents or grandparents to speak of. I was thinking about the legacy my parents left me and what part I am holding on to. My dad left me with issues of abandonment, lack of trust and unfaithfulness. My mom left me with knowing how to love others, how to give generously and always keep my promises. But neither parent left me a GODLY legacy. Neither one showed me how to walk in faith, how to know Christ or how to be a godly wife and mother. My Heavenly Father showed me these things. He has been walking with me as an adult, breaking the cycles of brokenness….and filling me with a new hope. My sweet family of five is growing and thriving in God’s goodness. My kids can’t relate to the darkness that exists in dysfunction….and for this, I am thankful!!

Today, I don’t resemble my parents. I resemble my Abba!!! Our parents are stewards of our lives here on earth but GOD is the Giver of Life. We don’t have to imitate the patterns of our past! We can move forward in Christ and imitate Him. Since we are adopted as God’s children, we are daughters of the Almighty King! We can walk everyday victorious. Freed from our past and with the hope of a new future.

How can we do this?

1. Take hold of His Truth. Don’t just read that we are adopted by God. BELIEVE it. WALK in it.

2. Create boundaries. You may have family that’s still dysfunctional. In order to break free from destructive cycles, we need to put up HEALTHY boundaries. Protect your home – physically, emotionally and spiritually.

3. Guard our hearts. The Bible says that God’s peace which transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7) We need to pray over our families. Pray for God’s peace. Be alert and know that God is with us every step of breaking free!!

PS. This is my ring from Israel. It says “Abba” in Hebrew. It is my daily reminder that I am His!

Fighting Emotion with Prayer and Grace

I want to talk about emotions…and doubt and fear… No matter how you look at it.. We are emotional people. We get annoyed (I get annoyed a lot...im working on it.) I get sad, I get excited I get angry… and the list goes on. I sometimes let all these emotions get in the way of meeting with God ...every day. I FEEL less than… I FEEL like I'm not doing enough for Him.. I FEEL like I can do better.. Or be used by Jesus in bigger and better ways.. All those feelings of mine.. Are self-doubt!! Its like this war going on in my head.. It's total confusion.. I pray before I get out of bed… “Lord, Use me today. I want to lay my entire day at your feet Lord, use me for your purpose today and not my own” then I get out of bed and my husband didn’t make the coffee or take the stinky dinner trash out and im ANNOYED… (even though I just prayed, this meaningful prayer) I let my emotions get me every time!!!

So then I have a choice.. Say “thanks for making the coffee… I really appreciate it, and it smells really “good” in here by the way” in a major sarcastic tone with my robe on and bed head… that’s got to be a terrible way for my husband to wake up… oh my gosh.. Now he will be annoyed!! OR I can make the coffee and take the trash out and when my husband gets up say “good morning”…

I pray for Gods Grace.

I want to be a better wife, mother and friend.. I can't do any of these things without Jesus every single day. Every step of the way.. every time I get upset or annoyed..

Our emotions and thoughts are linked to each other.. our thoughts and feelings cant rule us, unless we let them.

Romans 8:5 says. .For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.

So if we let our thoughts lead us… which are probably not going to be good if we are angry or sad or annoyed.. We will have bad attitudes towards everything.. Flesh without the holy spirit is dark and negative and NOT a good place to be... But if we learn the word of God and set our minds to having a mind of the spirit we will be filled with life and peaceful calm emotions and Joy and Love.. Jesus called us to peace

I have to pray for this..

Every day I need to ask for His guidance and love and Grace. I need these things to be a better Wife, Mother and Friend... I am human and have a sinful nature.. This is why its so important for me to lay my day down each morning for Him. To meet God in the first thing and see where it leads my day. Sometimes I literally roll out of bed and go to the kitchen put my hands on my bible and say “Lord im meeting you.. Please meet me, I want to hear you Lord, show me what you want me to see today."

If I am calm and peaceful I can learn to have an ear to hear Him and what He wants from me in each day..

… I have been amazed at His plan for me!! He has divine meetings for all of us if we let him! 

[editors note: I was listening to a podcast this week and it was challenging listeners to start each day by praising God for 10 things... before our feet hit the floor in the morning to praise him... I have seen such a difference as I pray and praise him in the morning... I AM NOT a morning person... and this helps me start off with JOY and CONTENTMENT... it's been the most amazingly simple but profoundly impacting thing I've done in my spiritual life... Linz:)]

The Cheerful Giver

Did you know that God uses your family to train and equip you for the relationships that you are building for His Kingdom purposes? How you react, (whether in a positive or negative manner) will directly mirror your relationships outside of your family unit!

The above scripture is often used by pastors conducting a sermon on tithing..and while I believe that was the basis for Pauls teaching, there is complete relevance to being a " Cheerful Giver" outside of this. The Greek word for 'cheerful ' is hilaros, from which we get our word hilarious. According to Paul the giving of ourselves whether monetarily or otherwise, should not be a pain. It should be a party. I don't know about you, but the only parties I'm attending pertaining to my family, are PITY PARTIES! AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT CLEANS UP AROUND HERE? UGH! I GUESS I'LL BE THE ONE FEEDING THE DOG AGAIN! WHAAAA! But when I give to my family with purpose in my heart it completely changes the atmosphere of my home-no matter what the circumstance:)

I have to be careful to give ONLY what the Lord would have me give. 
Not any more not any less!!

Each individual family member requires something completely different from the next. If I'm not under the Rule of the Spirit this can cause me to be sooo stretched that I could snap at any second. We all no how ugly that can be!?! Here are some examples of what the Lord has ministered to me through my wonderful family. And how the friendships/divine appointments God sends into my life are cultivated through these experiences.

• With my husband I have learned to be sure that I'm not trying to teach him something only God can teach him. If I get out of the way, he will draw closer to God on his own. My job is to "quietly" (very very difficult for me) unconditionally LOVE.
• My oldest son desires my ear. He likes to keep me posted on the who's who and whats what with music, friends, etc...He doesn't necessarily want my opinion one way or the other. By being a good listener I have gained his trust.
• My second child is VERY sensitive. He requires and never tires of the words I love you. This constant reaffirming of  love motivates him out of his comfort zone.
• My third child wants my attention on him every second of everyday! This kid is relentless!!! I have learned to exercise boundaries with him. He is also a sure cure for any lazy tendencies I might have had toward parenting. Dang it!
• The last member of my family is my sweet little girl! She is so tiny and seemingly fragile, so my tendency is to underestimate the strength that God has already placed in her. She already stands up to her three brothers! I'm finding it nearly impossible not to hover over her protectively. I have a feeling this one is going to continue to surprise me as she grows into a warrior for the Lord!

Being that this is the "fearless experiment", I must add, being a terrible wife/mother has been a fear of mine. Countless times I've called my husband at work begging him to fire me and send me packin back into the workforce. Now I Know by Gods grace and mercy, I can live obediently to the whisper of the Holy Spirit in how to cheerfully give to each member of my family. I also know that I will watch each of my children, inspired by Gods truth, do the same to others for the KINGDOM OF GOD.