Saying yes makes me pitty

I am sitting here right now watching my youngest hunt for snakes and my older two build a volcano they want to explode... I'm sure I only have moments before someone is bleeding so I'll make this short and sweet...

I'm trying to figure out what I want to say for Parkway Christian Center's "Spring Thing" on friday... I get pitty (AKA sweaty pits) [that was for you Jenna:] just thinking about speaking at an event like this... I said yes not knowing what I was saying "yes" to... it's probably good I didn't or I may have pretended I didn't hear what God was asking that day.

I have been going through so many stories trying to think of something interesting to share and I am realizing the most pain and the most joy have come from not just saying YES... but living YES...

For seasoned speakers or bible study leaders or churchie women scholars,  PCC's Spring thing or fight nights would be no biggie... but for me... ME??? ME who only a couple of months ago was still dropping bombs as often as most of you say God bless you... ME who messes almost everything up and almost always says the wrong thing is going to bare it in front of hundreds of women... All I have to say is... if I can say YES so can you. Sometimes it's just saying yes to an email from a friend sometimes it's yes to leaving the crap bogging us down behind... sometimes it's saying yes even when we're not sure what we're saying yes to...

OK so here's a little sneak peak for friday... I'm reading this book... like the best book ever written... and in it Bob Goff says...

"He's asking: will you take what you think defines you, leave it behind and let me define who you are instead."

Homina!! That sentence defines this season of my life... letting him define me by simply saying yes... he is changing me... it's making me more courageous and confident in what he can do in me... and it's what pushes me through as I'm "fearlessly afraid"

Doing the Fearless Thing...

Once we make the decision to to stand up and rebuke the enemy and really move in God's kingdom, everyday IS a fight... I get a little tired of fighting to be honest... there are days I let me guard down and the enemy pounces almost instantly... these are the days I forget I'm not fighting in my ouwn strength... this isn't my deal... it's God's thing... it's his place to strengthen me and fill me with a fearless reckless courage for HIS glory alone.

Being "fearless" isn't a state of mind... it's who we are and how we live. 

I want  this word to be my default... I want this word to define my existence... and someday it will. Right now though, I'm IN the fight, the journey from living for myself to living truly for Jesus and his kingdom. Not just in how I talk or pray but in the GUTS OF HOW I LIVE!!! It's a process, I'm trying... I'm more aware of when I'm not being who I need to be or when I'm being an annoying cow...  and I more aware of when I am trying to manipulate God to work for my purpose instead of the other way around.

I don't think being fearless is an over night decision... I think as we rebuke the enemy from our lives and thoughts and words and start to breakthrough from the strongholds keeping us from really experience God we just kinda morph into someone who has more courage to stand up for the kingdom. We transform in women who are secure in God's power and gifting... We grow into strong leaders and encouragers and spiritual warriors. And one day we will realize that moving forward in faith is just what we do... it's second nature... it will mark us and claim us and set us a part. I want this... not just for me, but for all of us together.

Can you imagine what damage we could do to the enemies camp with fearless faith that truly can shake the foundations of the earth??? Ahhhh, it's at our finger tips, it's deep inside us at our core, it's who God created us all to be, it's who we can be... if we choose to claim it!

Round 2: How I Am vs. Who I Am....Let's Get Ready to rummmbbbllllee!

Photography by Holly Stout

I'm picking up round two {CHECK OUT ROUND ONE} and running with it today. I love that Lindsay left me with the nitty gritty....OH THE PRESSURE.

This weekend I unbound the pages of my journals. It's time to write my story about my journey these last two and a half years. Some of the pages I came across made me cringe....it brought back so many memories of the woman I was...how I was. YUCK...sure there were good qualities about me but oh dear Jesus I was a mess.

Let me just put How I Was in nutshell for you:
-Insecure
-Inconsistent
-Angry
-Impatient
-Unapproachable
-Unavailable
-Prideful
-FULL OF SELF-PITY
-Perfectionist
-Unkind
-Ungracious
-Bitter
-Resentful...ok I'm just going to stop now....you pretty much get the point.

As many of you know Lindsay will just tell you how it is...well so do I. So as you can see this could make for a very dangerous combination...but it doesn't. It's actually like the Lord has laced my lips with some sort of grace that what comes out of my mouth she hears. It's pretty weird actually, wouldn't you say Lindsay??? Even if it's straight up truth...I sort of sit preparing to hear a dial tone...but I don't.

And as time passed I began to change...a lot of time...I don't catch on real fast...I'm slightly stubborn. But basically what I'm saying is that the truth she spoke started to open my eyes to HOW I WAS.

I saw how I was and I seriously hated it but I was just stumbling in the same way, saying the same things and then apologizing AGAIN (for like the 50th time). I so desperately wanted to be different but it was a process. Slowly but surely I began to change. I began to win the battle of my strongholds. There were days when I didn't actually know how I was functioning in my own skin. I was laughing more, I was way more friendly, strangers would chat with me at Starbucks, men would open doors for me and actually look me in the eye...

THIS ALL MAY SEEM VERY SILLY TO YOU BUT IT WAS MY LIFE....

So back to Linz and my conversation, I was given liberty to speak into her life because I knew exactly where she was. You could hear the chains she was bound by....so basically I was like ok here we go. And what came out was, the bondage that she had been walking in...we don't need to name em...hahaha. But the opening of the eyes to our strongholds gives the enemy less foothold. When we know the stronghold of sin we are walking in we recognize it more clearly, joyfully repent and then begin to walk in the opposite spirit. The opposite spirit is our original design. The places that the enemy torments us the most, the things we think we will never be free of, the sin that haunts us...these are the places we are destined for the most greatness. You claim to be shy? I call bluff...God didn't make anyone shy, it's the enemies silly little idea to keep you shut up for the rest of your life because what's actually behind those lips of yours could actually shift a culture. You're rebellious and it's just who you are....NO WAY, NO HOW!!! You are righteous at your very core. You will stand up for the things that others will not stand up for. You are riddled with righteousness and truth...but what if you started walking in it, raising your children in it. You are a straight forward and a rough around the edges...I think not. You are a dang teddy bear that's got more love and compassion shut away in your bones that you would ever care to admit. What would happen to your life and your relationships if those tough walls came down and compassion and love were what flowed forth???? Crazy right???

My chains kept me from walking in relationship, from truly loving those around me. It kept my walls nice and high so no one would get in, so no one could hurt me....BAD IDEA!!!! I am sitting here now a woman radically changed, who can love, who can be loved, who has the heart of a momma and who desires freedom for all the captives. What if I would have never shed my own chains...SCARY!!! Dear Lord...thank you for saving me.

We all have a story. We all have a testimony. The things that we battle through in our lives are tests so that we have a testimony. 

Testimony: is a compilation of words that tells others about your faith. It can explain why you are a Christian, experiences you have had, how you overcame sin, and more. Testimonies are often presented to other people to help them through situations or to demonstrate a point. It is used to reinforce the truth of the matter.

I got to speak into the life of my friend because I just sat there thinking..."Oh man I know exactly where she's at, God give me boldness to speak truth that is so injected with love and not condemnation, mercy without judgement.

So now...please do not go and try and fix your friends...We are to walk in relationship, edifying one another, speaking truth and life. Our words are to be encouraging, exhorting, and edifying. Please don't find the faults and start pointing them out. Walk with your friend, love them without fixing them. Because love covers a multitude of sins. There is joy in repentance. If you see the stronghold, repent, receive forgiveness, rebuke the lies, and replace it with truth. Let's just be done with all the stuff you know? If it's there choose to leave it behind and day by day freedom will look better and better!!!

My hearts desire to everyday break off HOW I WAS and walk more and more into WHO I AM!!! Someone said to me once, "I know this man called Jesus and most people don't know Him like I do." This statement radically altered my life and began this journey of freedom. I'm not talking about religion, I'm talking about a relationship with the creator of heaven and earth. He is so good...we don't need 20 years of counseling to get through all of our junk...the cross was enough. Freedom is right in front of our noses, we just have to reach out and grab it.

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1
Burpees
KettkeBell Swings

[editor's note: as always... I am already sore]

Moving Past Awkward... For Him...

photo by Maria Alexandra Photography

A little over a week ago ... Lu told me she was speaking about Numbers 14... She was blown away because she was speaking to a group of women about body image and this is the passage God gave her... Being me of course I had NO clue what Numbers 14 was even remotely about... As I read about the Israelite's rebellion all I could think was THIS IS ME!!!

What really hit me was that the Israelites (even after seeing God's miracles) chose to not have enough faith to believe God would give them what He had promised them. THIS WAS ME!!!

How can we cry out to God and beg him to show us his will for our lives and who he wants us to be and then balk at walking forward and being bold and fearless when he lays it out in front of us?!?!?!?!

For months I was pissed! laying face down sobbing, knowing he wanted more from me but not knowing what it was... then as He started to show me what it is he has called me to, I stopped... I stalled... I procrastinated thinking everything had to be perfect to move forward. How could I step out alone? What if it was awkward? What if people started whispering that Lindsay has gone off the deep end and is now a spiritual nut case??? I waited weeks... until last sunday He said just do it... now... your excuses will always be there... just start the blog.. start the journey... and I will do the rest.

John 14:12-14:

“I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"

After a week of just doing it, listening and obeying and trusting He will do what he says I am changed. Trusting HE will give me what I ask for (no... not a new car or a smaller butt)  I begged to hear His voice... I begged for words.. and then believed he would give them to me... and he did... he did... no seriously HE DID!!! Why am I so amazed? Why can't I read the verses in John 14 and believe they are for me... ordinary, stay at home mom, butt wiping, nothing of a person... ME!!! Today I do know this verse is for me. And here's the beautiful part, it's for you too! It's for your neighbor and your mother and your husband and your 3 year old son... He wants us to move past that awkward fear and really believe He can do what he says...

HE WANTS TO USE US FOR GREATNESS... ANNND He not only WANTS to...

He EXPECTS to!

The Cheerful Giver

Did you know that God uses your family to train and equip you for the relationships that you are building for His Kingdom purposes? How you react, (whether in a positive or negative manner) will directly mirror your relationships outside of your family unit!

The above scripture is often used by pastors conducting a sermon on tithing..and while I believe that was the basis for Pauls teaching, there is complete relevance to being a " Cheerful Giver" outside of this. The Greek word for 'cheerful ' is hilaros, from which we get our word hilarious. According to Paul the giving of ourselves whether monetarily or otherwise, should not be a pain. It should be a party. I don't know about you, but the only parties I'm attending pertaining to my family, are PITY PARTIES! AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT CLEANS UP AROUND HERE? UGH! I GUESS I'LL BE THE ONE FEEDING THE DOG AGAIN! WHAAAA! But when I give to my family with purpose in my heart it completely changes the atmosphere of my home-no matter what the circumstance:)

I have to be careful to give ONLY what the Lord would have me give. 
Not any more not any less!!

Each individual family member requires something completely different from the next. If I'm not under the Rule of the Spirit this can cause me to be sooo stretched that I could snap at any second. We all no how ugly that can be!?! Here are some examples of what the Lord has ministered to me through my wonderful family. And how the friendships/divine appointments God sends into my life are cultivated through these experiences.

• With my husband I have learned to be sure that I'm not trying to teach him something only God can teach him. If I get out of the way, he will draw closer to God on his own. My job is to "quietly" (very very difficult for me) unconditionally LOVE.
• My oldest son desires my ear. He likes to keep me posted on the who's who and whats what with music, friends, etc...He doesn't necessarily want my opinion one way or the other. By being a good listener I have gained his trust.
• My second child is VERY sensitive. He requires and never tires of the words I love you. This constant reaffirming of  love motivates him out of his comfort zone.
• My third child wants my attention on him every second of everyday! This kid is relentless!!! I have learned to exercise boundaries with him. He is also a sure cure for any lazy tendencies I might have had toward parenting. Dang it!
• The last member of my family is my sweet little girl! She is so tiny and seemingly fragile, so my tendency is to underestimate the strength that God has already placed in her. She already stands up to her three brothers! I'm finding it nearly impossible not to hover over her protectively. I have a feeling this one is going to continue to surprise me as she grows into a warrior for the Lord!

Being that this is the "fearless experiment", I must add, being a terrible wife/mother has been a fear of mine. Countless times I've called my husband at work begging him to fire me and send me packin back into the workforce. Now I Know by Gods grace and mercy, I can live obediently to the whisper of the Holy Spirit in how to cheerfully give to each member of my family. I also know that I will watch each of my children, inspired by Gods truth, do the same to others for the KINGDOM OF GOD.

    

Fearless Confessional... {Pride}

Yikes... Pride can hold us back as much as fear can... here's my confession... it's a real one (not real pretty)... 

Mark 5:34 "Your faith has made you well."

After confessing this to God (a couple of weeks ago) He gave me the verse Mark 5:34... and I wrote this...

Tonight my father has made me well. I released the pride rebellion & defensiveness, I lifted up my hands to God. I am FREE, I am grateful. I am NOT AFRAID.

What's holding you back from being fearless?