"Ladies....Calling the Ladies" -God

Jesus is coming back.  None of us know the date or time, but He's coming back.  I used to have the mindset that the world needed to go to hell in a handbasket and then He would come.  It was just going to get worse and then He'd come back and then Heaven bound.  My theology has since changed and I have realized that the Bible gives all kinds of things that we as God's people can do to either tarry His coming or to even speed it up.

This got me thinking...Am I helping the process or hurting the proces?  

I'm going to say that for most of my life I haven't been helping much, but over the last year or so I would have to say I have been much more active in my life with the Lord.  He gives us commands to go into all the world and preach the gospel...the Great Commission (Matthew 28:16-20).  What does that mean for my life as a woman?  Does that mean in my lifetime I must set my feet on the soil of every continent and preach the gospel?  Maybe....but what I really think is that I am to believe God for who He says I am, live a life that He's called me to and in the process I will do my part in the Great Commission.  As I walk in my calling I live a life that is an act of obedience but also a life of worship.  In my obedience, I am walking in the will of the Lord which has me doing ALL that He has created me for...to love him...to love His people.  I desire to live a life that points people to the goodness, the faithfulness, and the love of the Lord....PERIOD!

As women we must know our value, our calling, our ministry so that we live lives that point others to the redemption of the Cross.  I am reading a book written by two men called, "Why Not Women" A Biblical Study of Women in Missions, Ministry, and Leadership.  This book in written by Loren Cunningham (who just so happens to be coming to Medford next week) and David Hamilton.  I'm only in chapter one and have been struck to write.  I feel like I've had so many things to write about the past month or so but have just found it so hard....not this one!!!  It has made my heart hurt for the rampant injustice in the world for women...the statistics and truths are disturbing.  I find myself broken but also so grateful to be a woman whom God chose my birth place to be in America.

There is a section titled "Jesus Put Women in the Spotlight".  It is talking about the three greatest events in the life of Jesus (birth, death, and resurrection) women were placed in the spotlight.  I will not be going greatly in depth on the three.  I mostly just want to leave you with these truths to ponder and maybe even write about here at TFE!!!

Point #1:  The ancients believed that man was the seed of life and women were merely the soil.  There is an ancient thought that in the semen of a man contained tiny human beings.  The duty of the woman's womb was to merely be the soil in which the seed grew.  "God took the idea and stood it on its head having Jesus be born with only a woman as His earthly parent.  This about it!  Mary was the only human source for Jesus' DNA." -Loren Cunningham   Interesting thought eh?

Point #2: The death of Jesus was the central purpose to Him coming to this earth.  Jesus was anointed by Mary and a few days later, a woman entered His home and broke the entire alabaster jar filled with expensive oil over his head.  Jesus said because she had done this her act would be spoken of everywhere the Gospel was preached (Matthew 26:6-13).  These two women commissioned Jesus as He went to the cross.

Point #3: After His resurrection, Jesus appeared first to Mary Magdalene.  Women were the first to find His empty tomb and they were sent to tell the others He was alive.  They were the first to receive the command to go and tell.

You are important, do you see this? You are valuable, do you see this?  You are needed in this world.....DESPERATELY, do you see this?  You have a very important role to play in the lives of your family, friends, workplace, and PLANET!!!  He's coming back and I don't know about you but I am done sitting around waiting, I'm gonna get up and start doing the things He's asked me to do...like write this blog, read this book, create a retreat about fearlessness, freedom, and link it all up with fitness.

We've got roles to play ladies.  Let's start calling them out of one another and helping put one another in the spotlight just as Jesus did!!!!  I want to challenge you to find one woman and champion her this week in her callings!!!!  What happens when we begin to do this???  Let's just say this is a little sneak peek into Fearless and Fit coming this July!!!  Sign up if you haven't already done so.  Click the pic to register.

                                     

On a Treasure Hunt

This morning I took a small group of ladies who volunteered to be guinea pigs in a little experiment....Thanks ladies.

I got this little idea from the Lord while in the prayer room the other day.  I'm not going to tell you quite yet what we did...but you will eventually know.  It involved the Bible and a lot of running, burpees, and situps.  It was rough but all together was pretty amazing.

In the midst of this we were in the book of Colossians.  The word mystery continued to come up and at one point in Colossians 2:2-3 it states,

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are all hidden the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."

Paul here is talking to the church about how much he has been struggling for the people he knows but also for those he does not.  He is laboring for the church here.

This word treasure so stuck out to me.  When I think of treasure I think of a buried trunk with some amazing jewels and coins inside.  The map looks worn with some roads, directions, names and then a big red X...you seeing what I'm seeing?  So the treasure is Jesus.  It's learning and understanding who He is by knowing Him.

To know someone we must spend time with them, chat with them, ask them questions and then listen to their response.  You may laugh together...well I at least hope you do, you can cry together, you are knowing one another.  It's how relationship works.  When we know Jesus, there is treasure to be found and that treasure is wisdom and knowledge...and it's not human worldly wisdom it's heaven's wisdom, heaven's knowledge...I don't know about you but I'd like that map.

The map is the Bible, it's our quiet times, it's our prayer times, it's our asking the Lord and then waiting for His answer.  He leads us, He guides us.  He may ask us hard things but it's the directions we are to take following that map.  But, in order to follow a map here are some key things to finding the treasure:

Follow Directions: I don't know about you but I tend to want to do things my way...I'm quickly learning His ways are better than mine.


Search: Do you want to know the things God has for your life, even if it might be challenging situations?  Do you want to ask the hard questions, even if it means that you might be stretched a bit?  We must move in His direction.

Look: Keep your eyes open for the Lord in your life.  What should you wear today?  Where should you go today?  Who is that you are to talk to and what are you to say or not say?

Fail: You must be willing to be imperfect with Jesus and know He will still love you even if you go the wrong way.  But practice going right when He says go right because He knows the way.

Dig: Once you get there you may have to dig a little deeper for what is under the ground.  This could mean dealing with situations, people, relationships, sin that we have put away.

He has placed a treasure inside of me.  It's my identity, it's my gifting, it's my love, it's my heart, it ME.  I don't know about you but I wanna find it!!!!

Just "Enough" Jesus

"'Christian Atheists' believe in God but live like he doesn't exist. - Craig Groschel

I was listening to a sermon from Craig Groschel this morning... author of Christian Atheist and the above quote about knocked me off my chair.

It's easy to rate sin or see other's sin as bigger than our own. But in Galatians 5:19-21 Paul lists sins like corrupt sexual impurity, witch craft and drunkenness right along side jealousy, divisiveness, anger and selfishness. It's interesting how we can see the blatant sin in the "world" but so many times we are unwilling to check ourselves as followers of Christ when it comes to things like envy, continuousness, or hate. We justify our soap boxes with just "enough" jesus... to make it feel "right"... even a little self righteous while making others feel condemned.

Ahhh I'm so tired of myself and I think the Annointed One must so tired of it as well. But there I go again... putting humanly characteristics on a God that can't possibly be contained by any rules or any box. A God whose love is so deep and grace is so pure we CANNOT fathom in our human minds how to even accept this real gift. Sure we say it... we spout off all of the right "christian" words and we take just "enough" of him to live safe lives that look shiny and clean on the outside. But I wonder what would happen if we bit off such a huge, undigestible chunk of him that if we take our focus off of him and his love and mercy for even a second we would be crushed by our own inadequacy in what we just signed up to do and how we said we would live... 

I have been in a funk for over a week from some hurtful words ... instead of focusing on all of the awesomeness God has filled my life with, I have been focusing on the disapproval of a couple of people... how the enemy must be rejoicing. But right now I call it out... right now, in the name of Jesus I reject the lies, right now in the name of Jesus I bind the enemy and proclaim God's truth... that HE IS LOVE... and grace and peace and joy... Today I don't want just a piece of that action... I want it all.

I'm tired of uttering empty prayers I don't believe... tired of making decisions based on fear and my own insecurities. I believe in a God who created me to be MIGHTY... to be COURAGEOUS. A God who calls me to say YES to him ... not just to take a corner of the robe of his grace and be satisfied. I want ALL of him... knowing I can't handle ALL of him in my own strength... Erwin McManus says that a lot of times "We dream better lives that we actually live." Life is so short... time with the people we love is uncertain... so why should any of us waste another second trying to figure out if we're good enough, smart enough, or brave enough to live the dreams HE has given us. 

YOU'RE AWESOME...OWN IT! YOU'RE STRONG... BURN THAT IN YOUR MIND! YOU'RE DESTINED TO DO GREAT AND MIGHTY THINGS... NOW LIVE IT!

... let's not wast one more second focusing on the words of others... lets not waste one more day taking just "enough" of jesus to be socially accepted by our christian friends. LET'S BLOW DOORS off of life EVERY DAY!! No matter what. Let's say we believe in God and then live a life that screams it... without having to utter a word. 

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." - Romans 8:1-2

My Prayers are in the Crapper... Yep:)

Monday morning I called up Best Portable Toilets and at 3:30 pm... Big Red... was delivered. My dad said he was sure no one had ever been so excited about a crapper being delivered, he may have been right. I was jumping up and down in a total spaz attack just thinking of what this meant for me... for our place and for what God would do here!! (Our boot camp/retreat/Fight Night area is pretty far from the house or any bathroom or electricity... so it's use the bushes or use Big Red)

Three days earlier I had called to see what Porta Potties were going for these days and was disappointed to hear it was out of my prices range. That night I spoke at an event I wasn't even originally supposed to be paid for... as I was driving away I opened the card they gave me and in it was a check for the exact amount I needed to buy my big red friend! Victory... God is so good!

We held our first FIGHT NIGHT Monday night... it was a powerful night... a night where women came together not really knowing why or  even what Fight Nights really were... but still we came together.

There is such a cavernous well of need when it comes to women searching to be loved and accepted WHERE THEY ARE. There is an entire culture of women who are thirsting for REAL... and starving for God's power, grace and mercy

... and Monday night through His grace I think a beginning was began.

Tuesday morning I woke up in a zombie like state... I had slept in the clothes I wore the day before... and instead of showering and changing... I just kept wearing them until about 10 pm... Had I showered went to my bible and refilled in His glory I think my day would have been different. But I chose to take a day for myself... I was grumpy and felt heavy, I chose not to answer the phone and completely let the kids destroy my house. It wasn't pretty but I just kept telling myself I deserved a day to myself.

When my husband got home he reminded me of a local pastor who went to africa and after a night event that drew like 15,000 people he was wiped... he wanted to spend the next day recouping and doing what he wanted... nothing wrong with that... but his african brothers hit the ground running.

They saw the event the night before as a spark ready to be ignited, where the pastor admitted to seeing the event as the climax and a successful ending. 

I want Fight Nights to be the spark... and I want everyday after to run in igniting... not necessarily with more "to do" but in how my heart functions. I have some ideas on how to make this happen but I'll save it for another post.

For now, I am so so so incredibly excited to see where this will lead. I am so so so excited to see how this group of women is going to pursue revival in our lives... I can't imagine how it will look large scale, but I can dream... and the beginning began with Big Red:) The crappiest gift I've ever been excited about! Praise the Lord for his provision because even in the seemingly small details he is laying a foundation to move forward in community and encouragement!

Answering His Call... Part 2

   

Sometimes I think that when something is exposed by God, then it has been dealt with in that very moment. And perhaps I even rationalize in my mind that I can spend about a week with the Lord over an issue and BAM, its as good as gone! Only it returns to me like a sucker-punch to the face!! One of those issues for me is intimacy. Ive seemed to re-visit it time and time again.
This all to familiar stirring accured a couple of weeks ago when I was sorta floating through the scriptures. I found myself trying to whisk by Song of Solomon for the umpteenth time. The Truth is I've never read this book in the Bible! We know according to 2 Timothy 3:16, that all scripture is inspired or breathed by God. It seems to me that I've been fairly closed off to the attributes of God revealed in this book...right? He is the lover of my soul, my romancer, the One whom woos me into the deep place of intimacy....I don't consciously want to avoid any of Gods amazing truth for me. I'm ready to be completely set free!!

Let me clarify by stating that I'm not talking about having a personal relationship with Jesus here...I would even go as far as to say I've experienced many fleeting moments of intimacy as well...I'm talking about a lifestyle change. Also, at first glance most would assume I'm pretty much a girlie-girl. My closest friends and family know that that couldn't be further from the truth....Total tomboy through and through. I just watched my first chick flick only a year ago..I've recently told my husband,  "I think the Lord is turning me into a girl! Ahhhhhh!!!" All of that to say, that if you give me the part of the bible where wars break out, victories are won (even a little shed blood) I'm there! How about in Acts where Peter and John are healing the sick, casting out demons and raising the dead!!! Whoo hoo! My adrenaline is pumping just writing about it..Hee hee. I know right? Its the warrior in me. So sure its easy for me to think of my Lord as my Abba Father who always takes care of me..Or my Lord of hosts who leads me into battle. He's defiantly my Lord and Savior who daily washes my feet when they are dirtied from the cares of this world.

So here's the deal. I'm not going to even try to assume that I know what a daily life of intimacy with Jesus or anyone else looks like.... but I sort of know what it doesn't look like...here's is an example. Meeting with my Lord in the same manner as Jesus did every day, requires a certain condition of privacy. Again referring to Jesus' example, I don't ever remember Him returning to His disciples saying, "You are not going to believe the revelation God just imparted to me!" No! He just put it into action. So why is it the first thing I do is run to my husband or friend. Come on!

My life with Jesus can be recognized by the fruit in my life. In fact that is what Gods word tells us. That we will know them by there fruit. Not, we will know others belong to Jesus by how much they talk about there fruit. LOL. 

For me that is easier said than done. Oddly enough you will seldom here me talk about my husbands and my relationship because we have something so amazingly special that I don't have to try and convince you with every detail of our life together. Hold on! I'm not saying that we don't reach out to one another for prayer. Or share amazing experiences we've had to build each others faith. I'm expressing that myself and our culture go a little bit beyond that (OK a lot beyond that). My desire is to go deeper with Jesus, My family, and other relationships the Lord may be cultivating. I'm laying down any self preservation which may result in my being overly ambitious, hostile and sarcastic (to only name a few). I'm locking myself in my beloveds chambers open and unashamed.

So today and many many more days to come, I will be drenching myself with the beautiful words in the book of Song of Solomon. I promise not to emerge out of my house wearing daisy's in my hair and skipping. But I do promise you this... I will be forever changed!

            But we all, beholding as in a mirror (the word of God) the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

 2 Corinthians 3:18 

Daughter of the King

Photo by GYPSY JANE PHOTOGRAPHY (Picture of my niece Paisley taken by my sis-in-law)

The above quote was emailed to me the other night with a note of encouragement from one of our readers (Thank you Hannah). With my face in my hands that night sobbing, those words dropped so deeply into my heart.

Sheesh...and even as I'm attempting to type this I am struggling to see through the tears. I know what it's like to walk away from the familiar because being about my father's business in this season has led me here Kona (for those who may not know I walked away from the gym I owned for six years and now am a full-time missionary serving in YWAM). It's such a blessing to get up every morning to sunshine and ocean but boy, what I wouldn't give to wake up to cloudy skies but to be able to hug my mom, have coffee face to face with my friends, or feel little munchkin arms wrapped around my neck and hearing, "Hi Auntie LuLu".

(Kleenex Break...I'm sobbing my eyes out and have snot running down my face)

I battle everyday to stand out, to look more like Jesus, to not fit the bill of the world. But, some days it's hard to not just throw in the towel and go back to the normalcy of life. I am not called to have my own apartment right now, i'm called to live in 650 sq. ft. with 8 girls at the age of 31. I'm called to a twin bed and one shelf to place my things. I'm called to a full-time job in missions that lends itself to no paycheck.

Please don't hear me complaining...I'm just comparing the seasons of my life.

This is a season of massive growth. I see it, I feel it, I know it...but it's still hard because I have no clue what is ahead. Will I meet my husband soon? Will I live in Kona for another year? Will I write a book? Will I get to speak my heart to groups of women? Will I end up in some remote village in the Amazon? Will I even be alive tomorrow? Nothing is certain that is for sure. The one thing I am sure of is that as hard as this all is...IT'S ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!!!!

I got to say no to the world and yes to Jesus. I got to step out of the familiar and into the unknown. I got to give up everything I have worked the last ten years for and step into missions. I got to say yes to Jesus with everything I had in me. I was give the opportunity to say yes to standing out, to doing something crazy for a God I have never seen. This is a crazy journey of faith and I am so glad I'm on it.

Not everyone can pick up and move as I did...but maybe some of you could?!?!?! Just throwing it out there...Kona is amazing =). But let me ask you this...where in your life could you do less fitting in and more standing out? What area of your life could you choose to no longer walk in compromise? What area of your life have you been trying to fit into and you just don't fit...you know like when I try and put on a size 4 jeans when I really should be trying on the 10....You get what I'm saying right?!?!??!

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you; Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging your down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Romans 12:1-2 MSG

We are to set ourselves apart...not in arrogance but in the way we live our lives. We are to serve when the rest of the world is being selfish. We are to walk humbly while pride rears it's ugly head. We are to be self-controlled while those around us rage out of control. We are to love even when they seem unlovable. We do things backwards, inside out, and upside down when we do life with the God of the Universe. It's definitely not easy...but it's absolutely worth it. Being the Daughter of the King is the best place EVER!!!

Max Rounds in 20 Minutes

5 Pushups

10 Lunges

15 Situps

Workout all the way through one round and then on to the next for 20 minutes. On your pushups try and get that chest to the floor, even if you have to go from your knees. Really look to get a greater range of motion. On your lunges make sure on your front foot that you are never in your toes (yucky on those knees) stay in that front heel as you drive up. Keep your torso upright and try to get that back knee tap the floor. On your situps make sure your head hits the floor each and every time. Good luck. Have fun and train hard!!!

A Call To Fight...

Last night CJ and I were talking with some friends about this spiritual revival that has taken over our lives,  and it made me start thinking about exactly what had changed in me. What was the breaking point for this breakthrough?? There was a miscarriage and then another miscarriage in a matter of months, friend drama, home drama, me drama... lots of drama... there were people speaking into my life and lots of self reflection. I think all of these things contributed to the change... but they didn't make the change... they didn't bring revival.

Revival came when I acknowledged that this journey is a battle I was willing to fight

I started fighting for my faith, fighting for my family, fighting for a life that is anything but stagnant and ordinary. I realized to have real breakthrough and serious transformation there could be no more sitting around waiting for life to happen to me. God showed me that HIS is an anointed fight... HIS is a battle we should all be up for... because HIS is the FIGHT that he has ordained for us all, from the beginning.

As this revival started to sprout in the depth of my darkest hours my eyes were opened to the heavy oppression and spirit of discouragement that filled our walls and covered our family. Like a mad woman I started rebuking the enemy first from my thoughts, then from my house and family. The verse of my soul was on my lips 24/7.

For God doesn't give us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love and self control. 2 Timothy 1:7

I proclaimed these words over my household... mostly because it's one of the only verses I knew by heart, but hey it fit:) I knew that if the dark feelings of hopelessness, and discouragement weren't from God, they were from the enemy, and I wanted them gone. In the power of Christ's name and grace I rebuked the enemy and cast him from our house. I taught my boys in their fear to say the words, "In the name of Jesus Christ Get out of here devil!" and as they began to say them with power and joy it strengthened me.

This may sound a little hocus pocusy to some... but I could feel the oppression of the enemy lift as we rebuked him as a family. I could feel the contentment of living a life of survival start to disappear as we prayed consistently for the enemy to be bound. It's like scales were lifted from my eyes and a new passion and hunger for God was born in the depths of my guts!

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:11-13

As a new mission for my life is starting take form I know more important than any ministry or calling is fighting daily, hourly or even by the minute for my family against the enemy. I have accepted God's gift of the POWER of his GRACE and in doing that I have waged a war against the enemy. It's a war I am willing to fight, and it's a battle I will never back down from. These words are not written lightly, they come from the depths, I am a natural born fighter... HE put that in me. But now instead of fighting people and the strongholds of my own sin I will fight the great accuser, the deceiver... the evil one. I am waging a war to be fought with love, humility and grace, one that can only be won with power  that only comes with having faith in a loving, forgiving and merciful God. I will fight as an act of worship for HIM.

For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God. 
1John 5:4-5

Breaking Free... Fearlessly Crushing Strongholds

Photo By Maria Alexandra Photography

A couple of weeks ago I couldn't have told you what a "stronghold" even was. I knew I was being gripped by rebellion and pride but after recognizing their power in my life I had NO CLUE how to release them. I had a friend come over and pray for me and in the midst of a 30 second prayer for freedom from these things I felt myself release them and take them back... it was weird... like really weird. I felt a split second of lightness followed by the heaviness of oppression I have chosen to carry for a lifetime.

I knew what I did but I didn't know why. For days I beat myself up until I realized why:

I didn't know who I would be without the comfort of the sin that has bound me for over 30 years. 

The things that kept me from being free were also honestly a very comforting piece of who I was. MY foul mouth, my rebellious head bob and "tell it like it is" attitude were a shield I hid behind to protect my heart. My self hatred and anger and ability to put myself down with humor before others had the chance were how I survived... they were my protection, my excuse... for not moving forward in faith.

A couple of weeks ago I started reading about my "STRONGHOLDS"... REBELLION, PRIDE, A CRITICAL SPIRIT, SELF-PITY... oh list goes on believe me... and while I already knew these things were suffocating the work God was trying to do in and through me... I still didn't know how to move on from them.

It's been through reading God's word, and books on this subject that I realized there are actual steps to rid myself of these and bind myself to other strongholds that are actually from God....

In the Freedom Manual, Bryan Brennt said to remember the 4 R's: (on a side note this manual is amazing and I would fully recommend spending the $10 to download the PDF version no digital reader required.)

{REPENT}

{RECEIVE}

{REBUKE}

{REPLACE}

What I realized is that once I had identified the sin that was holding me back I had just been kind of sitting in it... bathing in it... soaking it in and beating the CRAP out of myself. THAT'S NOT WHAT GOD WANTS... the purpose of recognizing sin is to then be FREE from it, not wallow in it. And if we don't know how to move on the ENEMY can use it to push us down even more. (Matthew 12:45... read it!)

It's through REPENTING (sincerely expressing our sin to God) and then REBUKING the enemy (Actually saying out loud: In the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke the spirit of ___________ in my life, remove the enemy and bind him from this area!) that we begin to heal. But here's the kicker... when the sin is emptied, you have to RECEIVE God's mercy and grace and the RELACING that space with His TRUTH.

This sounds simple but I wonder if there is anyone else out there who has sat in a place of self pity and self disgust... allowing the enemy to oppress and do almost more damage than the original sin??? I am done sitting... I have shaken off those strongholds and I have accepted God's Grace and refilled my mind with HIS truth! 

NOW I am praying that my strongholds would be GRACE, FATIH,  MERCY,  LOVE and COMPASSION.

All over in the new testament HE tells us if we ask HE WILL GIVE FREELY... we just have to believe and HE will make us overcomers... He will make us strong, HE will help us fight... I'm ready to ask AND BELIEVE... are you?

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." 

-Matthew 7:7-11

How I Am vs. Who I Am...Round One

The other day I was voxering (pretty sure that's not a real thing, but voter is a walkie talkie app on my phone) anyway I was talking to Lu and we got into an intense conversation... it was so intense we both thought it should be a blog post... or two... so today I'm sharing the first part of our convo and Monday she will be sharing the nitty gritty guts of it in ROUND TWO!

So, I was telling her that I felt like God had asked me to get off of my computer for the day on Wednesday. I was fighting it or course,  but probably not for the reason you think. In the past when people have made declarations of not being on Facebook or the internet or drinking coffee or watching tv ... or WHATEVER... I would do a silent head bob in my heart and kinda think well aren't we just all that plus a bag of chips. So when I felt like God was asking me to take a respite, because I desperately needed one, I got all squidgy and that old defensive rebellion crept up almost unnoticed... almost... and this is what ensued...

{Lindsay}: Almost everything that offends me and pisses me off and makes me be like "ohhhh aren't you so great", is because when people say things about their own faith or what they feel like God has called them to do (example: quitting Facebook, having study time in the morning, or any other discipline) I feel like they're saying I'm not as good as they are because I'm not doing it [editor's note: stay with me I totally realize how LAME this is]... which is pretty self centered actually. But for me, my anger always comes from a place of feeling pushed down or like I'm not worthy or that I'm less than.

{Lu}: Here's the thing about that, when we walk in places... and this is going to sound harsh but I've walked in the same thing... but when we walk in places of self pity and self rejection it leads us to make assumptions. So you make an automatic assumption that what that person is doing is something you should be doing when in fact it's probably not. Everybody's walk looks different.

When we sit in and don't throw rocks at self pity and self rejections it leads us to make assumptions that are totally false. Because the enemy is the GREATEST OF ACUSERS ... and this is my own same struggle and I make assumptions all of the time and it has lead to much destruction in my life and friendships.

{Lindsay}: It's so true, I want to shed these things that I don't like about myself and I know God is calling me to just be done with... but it's these little things you're saying... like HOLY CRAP... about the self pitying that are so true!!! AHHH! I mean I have no words... I love how you can just spit stuff out because I'm over here going AHH ERR AHHH! Like I have no words, but I love what you're saying.

(the rest of the conversation to be revealed in Lu's Monday post... I promise I have more words)

Don't be blown away by my profoundness:):) I honestly couldn't speak because of what God was processing inside of me. For so long I have identified myself as a STRONG, INDEPENDENT, REBEL (like a good rebel everyone cheers for of course). I've got my head bob down, and my "screw you" attitude perfected. BUT I have realized I have been operating from a place of deep bitterness. Bitterness that sows seeds of anger and a critical spirit. Bitterness that keeps me focused on my inward hurts and inadequacies. I am not that person anymore... It's never WHO I WAS... it's HOW I CHOSE TO BE.


Today I rebuke those strongholds in my life. I rebuke the enemy in Jesus name. He has no power over me! I choose to allow God today to replace rebellion, anger and bitterness... with MEEKNESS, LOVE and FORGIVENESS. I will not sit in self pity and self rejection any longer... I will not allow who I thought I was to destroy anymore of my life or my relationships... I am free....

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many."

Hebrews 12:15

The Monster in My Closet….

My mom died a year and a half ago, that day forever changed my life. I am definitely not the same woman I was before that awful day. But this is not a story of my battle through sorrow and grief…..although I feel like I could write a book on it…..this is a story for when the “year of grief” was over and real life began again.

When 2012 began, it had been 14 months since my beautiful mom passed away. God had walked with me through that year of sorrow and He was so faithful. He picked me up when I couldn’t breathe. He kept planting His Word in me and reminding me that I was never alone and I felt like an orphan some days. It was clear God wanted to use the compassion and tenderness I had for others to minister to teen girls. This new ministry called “Girls Nite In” began developing just 6 months after my mom died. I was raw and the wounds were just barely scabbing over. I remember thinking “YES Lord….but really? Now?” And the Lord said YES!!!! There are teens withering and self destructing and the Lord wanted to reach them with His love and hope!!!

(Girls Nite In is a ministry to teen girls where we discuss the real issues of life. We meet once a month and talk about things like divorce, sex, toxic relationships, self hate, anxiety, loss & grief. We are raw and candid. GNI has about 60 girls that come every month and 40 women leaders. God has used this ministry to reach girls that are hurting and need a Savior!! This school year has been such an adventure that I never dreamed possible!)

So let me rewind back to January of this year. I had a couple people approach me and share a “word from the Lord” with me. I remember thinking, “Why in the world is God not speaking to me directly? Why is He using someone else to tell me what He wants to say?” His Word to me was that HE was calling me and calling me…..and I was not listening…..I was holding something back. I wrestled with this for a while…for a couple months actually. I would get on my knees begging the Lord to show me something.

“Lord, I have given you everything!! I have given you my mom….I have given you my time…I am being obedient with Girls Nite In….putting my heart on a platter….being transparent…..doing what You have asked!! What more do you want??” I have to be honest and tell you that I was mad. I was so mad that God wanted more!!! Hadn’t I already given ENOUGH? I was just coming back to reality and off the grief journey. Couldn’t I catch a break?? Couldn’t I just rest a little bit?? 

I really didn’t know what I was holding back.

Then a few weeks ago, my dear sweet Lindsay posted that video blog about doing something scary. As soon as I finished watching I knew that I needed to go before the Lord and do something I feared. It was obvious to me that I was holding something back. It’s like there was an ugly, scary monster in my closet and I didn’t want to open the door and let it out. I wanted to leave it in there because it was “safe” in there!! But instead of ignoring the pull on my heart….I sat before the Lord and I cried out to Him. I put words to that fear! I called it what it was and told the Lord. (He already knew of course….and been waiting for me to come to Him) That ugly monster was NOT SAFE!! It was keeping me captive. It was keeping me from the Lord. That fear actually controlled a part of me that I didn’t even know. God wanted to free me completely! Here it is….I want to introduce you to my “monster”…..

I had just walked a scary painful road of grief. I never ever want to feel that kind of agony…I didn’t want to give God my whole life or heart again for fear He would hurt me. I didn’t even realize I hid that away until people were calling me on it. And it had become the ugly monster that kept me from my Lord and Savior.

When I cried out to God that day…..He told me “Yes, Treva….you have done everything I have asked of you and I am pleased with that. BUT, you have not given me ALL OF YOU…..YOU are holding something back from Me and I want all of you. We can’t move forward until you give me everything.” What God told me was that the only way I could be a speaker at Girls Nite In and minister to these girls, was to walk COMPLETELY with HIM and trust HIM with everything! I couldn’t do what He was asking of me if I let the monster of FEAR rule in my heart!!!! This was just 2 weeks ago that I opened my closet door and gave God my monster. Since then, we have had a Girls Nite In meeting…..and WOW, what God did that night was simply amazing!!! (That is for another story)…

Facing my fear head on…..and doing something super scary…..God showed me that trusting Him is the only way to see His full glory!!!! It is the only way to live….monster-free!!

Talking to God about a Religious spirit....In ME!

Oh Father, how this subject has grieved my heart for so long...it probably always will. RELIGION. I despise it Lord! It is the very thing within your church that blocks the true character of Christ from being developed in the ones you love. Satan's most subtle yet successful tactic in stifling the true Power of Christ.

Countless times I prayed over church, bible studies, and people in ministry, etc...The moment I think my prayers are breaking through, Wham! This wall comes back up. I walk away feeling defeated, and in essence, I judge your children for being stiff-necked and hopeless (this majorly grieves your heart). Finally after a couple of years of this I am at my whits-end pleading for your answers! Many tears later, you reveal that I am not gaining total victory of pulling down this stronghold because there is religion in ME!!

How did this issue escape my usual process by which you have given me victory!?! -SELF EXAMINATION-when YOU have enabled me to be an influence over any specific area, I am first and foremost the catalyst for change.    

{I will never have the authority to free others from darkness if I am not free from it myself}

When others complicate what religion is, You have shown me that it is very simply this: Trying to impose standards on others that are beyond what God has required, or given the grace for at that time. Of course! I've definitely done this to my family and closest of friends. Why is it so easy to extend grace to people I hardly know? Regardless, sin is sin. No matter how big or small. And yet sin isn't even my worst enemy, neither saten. It is "SELF"! I remember years ago when You showed me that we may think we have spiritual gifts, we presume to be holy,we rejoice in human successes, but until we/I see Christ and abandon all of our own reliance upon "self", all we will ever have at best is religion. Man, I was sooo eager to do something for you Lord, anything...as long as I didn't have to change inside. I still struggle with this. I know you don't want what I can do..but you want who I am!!

Some years back I was having a crazy, terrible day. I looked at my employee and said, " Wow, satan is really kickin my butt!" she replied, "I think you are kickin your own butt. LOL!" This was so true....

Jesus, you have and will continue to deliver me from so many things. Thank you for reminding me that when I'm kickin my own butt and doing it for and in Jesus name...you are really just wanting me to EMPTIED in order to be filled with more of YOU. Father your correction is like sweet, sweet kisses to me.

Dear Lord, examine me daily. I will stop at nothing to be free and set other free from this devastating assignment from the enemy. I love you with all that is in me. And thank you for the power of LOVE by the blood of Christ!

Fearless Experiment Confessional {Legalism}

Untitled from Lindsay McPhail on Vimeo.

Why is it that sometimes we are the very thing we HATE most in the world... even if just a little bit?Legalism has been holding me back... binding me... keeping me from fully experiencing God's powerful Grace!  Do you struggle with being legalistic or judgmental in any area of your life? What I have to remember is that it's not my job to convict others... acting superior or judging their hearts IS NOT MY ROLE IN LIFE... and pssst it's not yours either... 

I found it!!!

"For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom." -2 Corinthians 3:17

Fearless Confessional... {Pride}

Yikes... Pride can hold us back as much as fear can... here's my confession... it's a real one (not real pretty)... 

Mark 5:34 "Your faith has made you well."

After confessing this to God (a couple of weeks ago) He gave me the verse Mark 5:34... and I wrote this...

Tonight my father has made me well. I released the pride rebellion & defensiveness, I lifted up my hands to God. I am FREE, I am grateful. I am NOT AFRAID.

What's holding you back from being fearless?

Going Fearless...

Photo by Maria Alexandra Photography

I've made a tough decision... one that will forever change how I live, love and grow. I AM GOING FEARLESS ... and this is my experiment. I am going to blog through this journey toward letting go of all of the things that hold me back from living a life of relentless faith... through believing God's grace offers more than just salvation and forgiveness. Knowing that true power and wisdom and insight lie into HOW he wants all to live. My journey is sparked by so many things in the last few months... women being brave enough to speak hard words into my life, God blessing us with the most abundant symbol of his grace (our Extreme Makeover Home) and reading an inspiring book that has forever changed me (RELENTLESS... go read it NOW...seriously!)

Everyday I will ask God to reveal something fearless he wants me to do... everyday I will ask God in faith to give me the power in his almighty grace to do what I can't in my own strength and to break though the limits of what I ever thought possible for my own life. While this is my journey, it's not all about me. It's really about you... about all of us and what life can be if we truly want to seek and follow God's call on our lives. Not when we "have it all together", not when we get "that" job or our kids are out of diapers... not once the kids are graduated or we pay off our debt... BUT what we can accomplish right here, right now, with the gifts HE has freely given us. What would it look like if Christ's Church lived beyond survival, beyond spiritual; consumerism, beyond making it through each day, week and month... and truly lived free from fear and bondage... set apart in His Grace... for His Glory.

I can't wait to introduce you to other women on the same journey who have committed to share how God is doing similar things in their lives... this is a fluff free zone. There will be no flowery feel goods, there will be no easy way outs... BUT what comes with living free and fearless is a sort of excitement and fulfillment I've only just gotten a glimpse of... and I want more... join me, let's start something new together!

Let The Experiment Begin!