Daughter of the King

Photo by GYPSY JANE PHOTOGRAPHY (Picture of my niece Paisley taken by my sis-in-law)

The above quote was emailed to me the other night with a note of encouragement from one of our readers (Thank you Hannah). With my face in my hands that night sobbing, those words dropped so deeply into my heart.

Sheesh...and even as I'm attempting to type this I am struggling to see through the tears. I know what it's like to walk away from the familiar because being about my father's business in this season has led me here Kona (for those who may not know I walked away from the gym I owned for six years and now am a full-time missionary serving in YWAM). It's such a blessing to get up every morning to sunshine and ocean but boy, what I wouldn't give to wake up to cloudy skies but to be able to hug my mom, have coffee face to face with my friends, or feel little munchkin arms wrapped around my neck and hearing, "Hi Auntie LuLu".

(Kleenex Break...I'm sobbing my eyes out and have snot running down my face)

I battle everyday to stand out, to look more like Jesus, to not fit the bill of the world. But, some days it's hard to not just throw in the towel and go back to the normalcy of life. I am not called to have my own apartment right now, i'm called to live in 650 sq. ft. with 8 girls at the age of 31. I'm called to a twin bed and one shelf to place my things. I'm called to a full-time job in missions that lends itself to no paycheck.

Please don't hear me complaining...I'm just comparing the seasons of my life.

This is a season of massive growth. I see it, I feel it, I know it...but it's still hard because I have no clue what is ahead. Will I meet my husband soon? Will I live in Kona for another year? Will I write a book? Will I get to speak my heart to groups of women? Will I end up in some remote village in the Amazon? Will I even be alive tomorrow? Nothing is certain that is for sure. The one thing I am sure of is that as hard as this all is...IT'S ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!!!!

I got to say no to the world and yes to Jesus. I got to step out of the familiar and into the unknown. I got to give up everything I have worked the last ten years for and step into missions. I got to say yes to Jesus with everything I had in me. I was give the opportunity to say yes to standing out, to doing something crazy for a God I have never seen. This is a crazy journey of faith and I am so glad I'm on it.

Not everyone can pick up and move as I did...but maybe some of you could?!?!?! Just throwing it out there...Kona is amazing =). But let me ask you this...where in your life could you do less fitting in and more standing out? What area of your life could you choose to no longer walk in compromise? What area of your life have you been trying to fit into and you just don't fit...you know like when I try and put on a size 4 jeans when I really should be trying on the 10....You get what I'm saying right?!?!??!

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you; Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging your down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Romans 12:1-2 MSG

We are to set ourselves apart...not in arrogance but in the way we live our lives. We are to serve when the rest of the world is being selfish. We are to walk humbly while pride rears it's ugly head. We are to be self-controlled while those around us rage out of control. We are to love even when they seem unlovable. We do things backwards, inside out, and upside down when we do life with the God of the Universe. It's definitely not easy...but it's absolutely worth it. Being the Daughter of the King is the best place EVER!!!

Max Rounds in 20 Minutes

5 Pushups

10 Lunges

15 Situps

Workout all the way through one round and then on to the next for 20 minutes. On your pushups try and get that chest to the floor, even if you have to go from your knees. Really look to get a greater range of motion. On your lunges make sure on your front foot that you are never in your toes (yucky on those knees) stay in that front heel as you drive up. Keep your torso upright and try to get that back knee tap the floor. On your situps make sure your head hits the floor each and every time. Good luck. Have fun and train hard!!!

The Monster in My Closet….

My mom died a year and a half ago, that day forever changed my life. I am definitely not the same woman I was before that awful day. But this is not a story of my battle through sorrow and grief…..although I feel like I could write a book on it…..this is a story for when the “year of grief” was over and real life began again.

When 2012 began, it had been 14 months since my beautiful mom passed away. God had walked with me through that year of sorrow and He was so faithful. He picked me up when I couldn’t breathe. He kept planting His Word in me and reminding me that I was never alone and I felt like an orphan some days. It was clear God wanted to use the compassion and tenderness I had for others to minister to teen girls. This new ministry called “Girls Nite In” began developing just 6 months after my mom died. I was raw and the wounds were just barely scabbing over. I remember thinking “YES Lord….but really? Now?” And the Lord said YES!!!! There are teens withering and self destructing and the Lord wanted to reach them with His love and hope!!!

(Girls Nite In is a ministry to teen girls where we discuss the real issues of life. We meet once a month and talk about things like divorce, sex, toxic relationships, self hate, anxiety, loss & grief. We are raw and candid. GNI has about 60 girls that come every month and 40 women leaders. God has used this ministry to reach girls that are hurting and need a Savior!! This school year has been such an adventure that I never dreamed possible!)

So let me rewind back to January of this year. I had a couple people approach me and share a “word from the Lord” with me. I remember thinking, “Why in the world is God not speaking to me directly? Why is He using someone else to tell me what He wants to say?” His Word to me was that HE was calling me and calling me…..and I was not listening…..I was holding something back. I wrestled with this for a while…for a couple months actually. I would get on my knees begging the Lord to show me something.

“Lord, I have given you everything!! I have given you my mom….I have given you my time…I am being obedient with Girls Nite In….putting my heart on a platter….being transparent…..doing what You have asked!! What more do you want??” I have to be honest and tell you that I was mad. I was so mad that God wanted more!!! Hadn’t I already given ENOUGH? I was just coming back to reality and off the grief journey. Couldn’t I catch a break?? Couldn’t I just rest a little bit?? 

I really didn’t know what I was holding back.

Then a few weeks ago, my dear sweet Lindsay posted that video blog about doing something scary. As soon as I finished watching I knew that I needed to go before the Lord and do something I feared. It was obvious to me that I was holding something back. It’s like there was an ugly, scary monster in my closet and I didn’t want to open the door and let it out. I wanted to leave it in there because it was “safe” in there!! But instead of ignoring the pull on my heart….I sat before the Lord and I cried out to Him. I put words to that fear! I called it what it was and told the Lord. (He already knew of course….and been waiting for me to come to Him) That ugly monster was NOT SAFE!! It was keeping me captive. It was keeping me from the Lord. That fear actually controlled a part of me that I didn’t even know. God wanted to free me completely! Here it is….I want to introduce you to my “monster”…..

I had just walked a scary painful road of grief. I never ever want to feel that kind of agony…I didn’t want to give God my whole life or heart again for fear He would hurt me. I didn’t even realize I hid that away until people were calling me on it. And it had become the ugly monster that kept me from my Lord and Savior.

When I cried out to God that day…..He told me “Yes, Treva….you have done everything I have asked of you and I am pleased with that. BUT, you have not given me ALL OF YOU…..YOU are holding something back from Me and I want all of you. We can’t move forward until you give me everything.” What God told me was that the only way I could be a speaker at Girls Nite In and minister to these girls, was to walk COMPLETELY with HIM and trust HIM with everything! I couldn’t do what He was asking of me if I let the monster of FEAR rule in my heart!!!! This was just 2 weeks ago that I opened my closet door and gave God my monster. Since then, we have had a Girls Nite In meeting…..and WOW, what God did that night was simply amazing!!! (That is for another story)…

Facing my fear head on…..and doing something super scary…..God showed me that trusting Him is the only way to see His full glory!!!! It is the only way to live….monster-free!!