Fight Club

Written on Unfolding Diamonds October 28, 2010

This topic is so great. I feel like in the last year and half since I wrote this I could add way more. I am just going to leave it at this. It takes a heart of courage to fight. Check your heart on this matter...what do you think?

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say the word, FIGHT?

Is it a verbal argument, where words and spears are thrown with the intent to hurt? Or, maybe for you, it’s where fists are literally thrown and physical injury occurs?

Well, I’m not talking about either. I’m making reference to a sort of fighting, that these days just doesn’t happen enough…..

FIGHTING FOR UNDERSTANDING

This is a fight that isn’t sought to injure, but mend. A reaching out for the heart of another. The decision to stand firm and stay until a resolution occurs.

We live in a day and age of SELFISH people. We are all about ME!!! I’m talking about me too! This is just another topic I write about because it’s a road I have walked. I never ever knew what it meant to stay and fight for understanding. If I felt hurt, mad, or even misunderstood, I tossed on my sneakers and ran!!! Ran away from my family, my friends, my relationship, I just chose to run. It was too hard to stay.

Why was it so hard for you Lu? Well you really want to know? Vulnerability, yep…that simple little word. I would have nothing of the sort. Let others see I was hurt, sad, upset…nope they just saw I was mad, annoyed, or impatient. That was way safer. It was way easier to toss those emotions out and distance my heart.

I never chose to stay and fight for understanding or to even offer up my own heart so the other could better understand where I was coming from. I just ran away from it.

We also live in a society that is not afraid to toss another under the bus, to pierce with words, to gossip, to just show no sort of respect. It’s sad actually. The thing is that I now find that so sad when before I just joined ‘em. I would speak words and then wished I hadn’t, but they were already out…so deal with it!!!! Well not anymore. I want to be careful with my tongue. I want to be vulnerable with my heart when it’s safe. I want to fight for understanding with those that I love.

So I feel like maybe I could be rambling so I’m going to give you an idea of what exactly what I mean for it’s something I am very much learning.

Have you ever walked into a room of some people and when you walk in it gets a little quiet and you automatically assume they were talking about you? Did you ever think that it might never have been that at all? Yeah me either. How many times have you gone back to those people and just asked them? Why not? Were you afraid you might be rejected, afraid of wounding your pride? Well here’s what happens is that your mind and heart begins to run and run and run as to what they could have been talking about. In that very moment seeds of uncertainty, untruth, and anger begin to take root and grow….they take over and they begin to effect the perception of those in the room. You may become bitter, resentful….ever thought maybe there was nothing being said at all?

Why not just ask….I know, that’s a crazy thought, that’s a little scary, but it’s part of the fight. Or if they were talking maybe it wasn’t anything bad. Ask. Desire to understand.

When you want to run in the middle of a conversation where you feel hurt, stay and fight, when you hurt another, REPENT, stay, and fight...their hearts on the line.

We can no longer make assumptions...because the saying still rings true...when we assume it makes an "ass out of you and me". Assumptions on the behalf of another person are so DANGEROUS. It's send our minds and our hearts down a very nasty path. Take your pick..self-pity, self-rejection, anger, bitterness, resentment...you get the point.

Fight, fight, fight for the hearts of those that matter. If they don’t matter, that’s a totally different story. If they do matter then close the gap that could begin between two hearts. When there is understanding found, hearts love more, hearts trust more, and relationships thrive.

PS...it's a light sabre in my hand...

How I Am vs. Who I Am...Round One

The other day I was voxering (pretty sure that's not a real thing, but voter is a walkie talkie app on my phone) anyway I was talking to Lu and we got into an intense conversation... it was so intense we both thought it should be a blog post... or two... so today I'm sharing the first part of our convo and Monday she will be sharing the nitty gritty guts of it in ROUND TWO!

So, I was telling her that I felt like God had asked me to get off of my computer for the day on Wednesday. I was fighting it or course,  but probably not for the reason you think. In the past when people have made declarations of not being on Facebook or the internet or drinking coffee or watching tv ... or WHATEVER... I would do a silent head bob in my heart and kinda think well aren't we just all that plus a bag of chips. So when I felt like God was asking me to take a respite, because I desperately needed one, I got all squidgy and that old defensive rebellion crept up almost unnoticed... almost... and this is what ensued...

{Lindsay}: Almost everything that offends me and pisses me off and makes me be like "ohhhh aren't you so great", is because when people say things about their own faith or what they feel like God has called them to do (example: quitting Facebook, having study time in the morning, or any other discipline) I feel like they're saying I'm not as good as they are because I'm not doing it [editor's note: stay with me I totally realize how LAME this is]... which is pretty self centered actually. But for me, my anger always comes from a place of feeling pushed down or like I'm not worthy or that I'm less than.

{Lu}: Here's the thing about that, when we walk in places... and this is going to sound harsh but I've walked in the same thing... but when we walk in places of self pity and self rejection it leads us to make assumptions. So you make an automatic assumption that what that person is doing is something you should be doing when in fact it's probably not. Everybody's walk looks different.

When we sit in and don't throw rocks at self pity and self rejections it leads us to make assumptions that are totally false. Because the enemy is the GREATEST OF ACUSERS ... and this is my own same struggle and I make assumptions all of the time and it has lead to much destruction in my life and friendships.

{Lindsay}: It's so true, I want to shed these things that I don't like about myself and I know God is calling me to just be done with... but it's these little things you're saying... like HOLY CRAP... about the self pitying that are so true!!! AHHH! I mean I have no words... I love how you can just spit stuff out because I'm over here going AHH ERR AHHH! Like I have no words, but I love what you're saying.

(the rest of the conversation to be revealed in Lu's Monday post... I promise I have more words)

Don't be blown away by my profoundness:):) I honestly couldn't speak because of what God was processing inside of me. For so long I have identified myself as a STRONG, INDEPENDENT, REBEL (like a good rebel everyone cheers for of course). I've got my head bob down, and my "screw you" attitude perfected. BUT I have realized I have been operating from a place of deep bitterness. Bitterness that sows seeds of anger and a critical spirit. Bitterness that keeps me focused on my inward hurts and inadequacies. I am not that person anymore... It's never WHO I WAS... it's HOW I CHOSE TO BE.


Today I rebuke those strongholds in my life. I rebuke the enemy in Jesus name. He has no power over me! I choose to allow God today to replace rebellion, anger and bitterness... with MEEKNESS, LOVE and FORGIVENESS. I will not sit in self pity and self rejection any longer... I will not allow who I thought I was to destroy anymore of my life or my relationships... I am free....

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many."

Hebrews 12:15