Breaking the Silence...

It's  been over a month since my last post but it's felt like years. I have been silenced. By genetics I'm a nervous talker... my mom is one too... we have a disorder called FOAS, hmm hmm fear of awkward silence. So so so often I talk or write to fill a void.

SILENCE IS AWKWARD AND SQUIDGY. 

Yesterday we had our first Fearless and Fit Retreat up here. It was actually pretty amazing. We did this thing called knee to knee eye to eye where complete strangers had to be authentic and real and vulnerable with each other... while touching knees and looking in eyes. I was leading the exercise, not even participating and it made me pitty. Afterward my friend Heather said she realized her need to fill the silence for the other person, she said she realized she was just trying to avoid awkwardness but in doing so wasn't allowing the other person to own and experience the exercise in their own way. She really is one of the most profound women I know. To realize that about yourself in a matter of minutes and own it is amazing. I've been tap dancing and vomitting verbally on people my entire life because silence has always been scary to me.

This past month I've realized there really is nothing scary about silence. It's in the silence that we can listen and hear God's voice... we can listen and hear the needs of others around us. Silence is where we move from me center thinking to kingdom centered thinking, because when we can shut our mouths and silence our thoughts we make room for the Holy Spirit to move in and take over. We make room for compassion and service and doing rather than just talking about doing so other people will praise us.

The other day a friend called and left me a message saying she had to confess something to me. In an attempt to avoid any awkwardness I called her back and when she said hello I bursted out, "Hey you don't have to confess anything to me, I love you, there is nothing you can do to change it we're good." My inability to be quiet and even let her get her confession out ROBBED her of what she needed that day. It upset her and rightly so... silence is highly UNDER RATED!

In silence I have realized how many of my words have been used to build my own kingdom rather than His. There are so many words out there... so many opinions and teachings... so many great books so many people trying to put in their two sense. I guess I just don't want to add to the noise anymore... in life or on the blog. So,  UNTIL He actually gives me words to speak or write I shall be silenced. I want to get awkward and squidgy and itchy (thanks Annie for the new term:)) and pitty in the silence as I wait to hear and speak ONLY what he has for me to speak. I am sick of squelching the Holy Spirit because of my need for comfort. This is a hard statement to make in the blogging world when rule numero uno is to have a regular blogging schedule... but I can't... I want my words to be His... I want The Fearless Experience to be spirit led and Kingdom minded. This might mean a post a day for weeks and then nothing for months... I don't know... but I love you and Him too much to be another source of noise in your day... Here's to getting squidgy!!

3 Week With Jesus...

I spent three weeks with Jesus. Face to face. Hand to hand. Heart to heart. But I didn’t know it was Him. The first time He spoke, it was in through my husband. He pulled me into the bedroom and said, “My family is going to be staying with us.”

It had all started two weeks before, when my little family came down with a horrendous flu. Grandma, who lived next door, caught the same thing and ended up in the hospital. That week was hard, and more than once, my dear husband thought that she was dying in his arms. She hung in there long enough for all of her kids and grandkids to fly in from all over the country.

She came home, and all the visiting family moved next door into our house. What did I do? I panicked. Jesus opened my door and invited them in and I sounded the alarm.

The Son of God looked down on my little home and said, “That one. That is where I will send my hurting.” 

And all I could do was count my own shortcomings. How will I do this? How will I feed them all? Where will they all sleep?

I came to some of you and vented my anxieties. Jesus came to my door the next day. It was through a friend. She brought dinner and goodies and snacks to feed all of the visiting family.

I washed and cleaned and cooked and scrubbed and pleaded with God to help me be a light. I looked for those opportunities, but no one asked me for prayer or advice. They just asked for a place to sleep, some food to eat, a living room to rest in. As one week turned into two, I spoke less, I grew more weary. These people were in need, and I didn’t know how to help them. So I cooked some more, and prayed that God would use me. I made more beds, and asked God to use me.

More meals came. There didn’t seem to be enough clean towels, but there was enough to eat. This family wasn’t one to spend much time together, and yet here they were living, sleeping, eating, and grieving in close quarters. And every night, we all gathered and ate a meal together.

One day, I found myself in the kitchen scrubbing away at the mess that I couldn’t seem to get on top of. I was weary and my heart hurt. It was a rainy day and so all the kids were confined in doors and arguing over the Wii. We knew grandma wasn’t going to make it through the day. The tension was thick. I just can’t do it anymore, I told my Savior.

And He spoke again. I have dirty feet, He reminded me. 

Instantly, I saw Him taking a handful of dirt and spit and placing the mud on the blind man’s eyes. I heard Him greet the lepers that society had cast away. I was aware of the freedom the crazed man felt as the evil spirit was cast into a herd of pigs, and I heard the sin fall into the ocean waves, never to return again. I felt the thunder as the sky turned black and my Savior was crucified. His body bloodied and murdered by my sin.

He whispered gently in my ear that day, All I’ve asked of you is to have dirty feet. 

My thoughts were not pure. In fact, I had spent very little time thinking on what was good and true and right and holy. I had gone into survival mode, grief mode, just-get-through-it mode . . . and yet somehow my feet had still gotten dirty. Somehow, He had placed me right where He wanted me, despite my fears. He had used me just how He wanted to, even though my heart was unaware.

Jesus showed His unfailing love and kindness when He gave us all one last day with Grandma. She was awake and laughing and smiling and surrounded by her entire family, her legacy upon this earth. Jesus stayed, tarrying among us all that next day, through the tension and the rain and fear and the weariness. And when March 31st dawned upon us, He took grandma’s hand and led her home.

The craziness continued despite everyone’s grief. More family came. There were services, receptions to be had. Jesus came to my door again. It was my dad’s wife. Having only recently lost my mom, this is still a hard situation for me. But this woman cooked and cleaned my home preparing for the reception following the service. While we gathered in church, she served, doing what I could no longer do.

After three weeks of waiting for God to use me (and not really seeing that He was), God let me speak. Or rather, sing. I stood before the family and friends of this precious woman, and I sang about the Father’s deep love for us. Jesus was there while some wept. He was there as they gazed upon her picture on the projector screen.

In the middle of the song, the city experienced a power major outage. The lights and sound went out up and down the street and in the church where we all sat. So there I was in a darkened sanctuary singing while God spoke loudly:

“How deep the Father’s love for us. How vast and beyond measure. That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure. I will not boast in anything. No gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection. Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.” 

I have been humbled by His grace. I have been seeped in His presence. I have been surrounded by His mission all month long. It wasn’t pretty. It was messy. Tense.

Sometimes, the Kingdom of God brings about unrest as the earth encounters something holy. 

I wish with all my heart that I had done better for my Lord, that I hadn’t had a breakdown in the Food 4 Less parking lot, or that I hadn’t vented so much on my hurting husband and friends. But mostly, I am relieved and grateful beyond words that He was there with us, walking among us, embracing us in our lows, and comforting grandma in her pain.

I spent three weeks with Jesus and I wish I could say that I am changed. But the truth is that I still feel like a mess. Honestly, I just feel treasured in spite of myself. I feel blessed though I am too weak, and I feel unworthy and special as I hear him whisper even now,

“My grace is sufficient. . .” 

Katie... was raised in northern California to a Jesus-loving family. God was ever present in her family from the way her parents loved her to the miracles she saw daily. She witnessed her crippled father walk and dance again, and her mother's barren womb healed after thriteen years. At home she helped raise her little sisters, and in the church she was encouraged as a worship leader. She married her college sweetheart, and together they continue in youth ministry. Last year they left her hometown and moved with their two daughters to Southern Oregon to start a young adult ministry at Table Rock Fellowship. They are finally living their dreams of he being a youth pastor and and her, a worship leader; however, the best part of her life is being a wife to her man and a mommy to her daughters. It has taken them seven long years to get to this point , and she had to say goodbye to her beloved mother this year as she lost her short battle with cancer, she can honestly say with all certainty that the melody of her life is that of God's unfathomable love and never-changing faithfulness.

Check out Katie's personal blog at: www.ristowswife.wordpress.com

Rollin in the Deep

This crazy feeling that overtakes me. I can't really even describe what happens. I just know I have to jump in. The captain said isn't it crazy to think we have 3,000 feet of water underneath us right now. I tear off my dress (there was a bathing suit underneath) asked the captain if I can jump in...didn't even think twice and JUMPED!!!! Everyone was like Lu you know we just saw a shark not far from here. I honestly didn't care.

I can hardly catch my breath. It almost feels like I'm having an anxiety attack. As fast as I jump in I want out. They put the ladder down...I'm in the boat. I have no idea what just happened...I still can't really catch my breath, the only thing I know is that I have had some sort of spiritual experience. I know I will need to ask the Lord about what happened.

As I sit just trying to get my wits about me, the guys get back in the boat. "Lu you have to get back in with the goggles and look under the water."

"There's nothing but water, what is there to see?"

"Just go back out there and look under the water."

I jump back in and put my face under the water...I can't even stay down long enough for the bubbles to subside, I'm again totally out of breath. My friend Daniel says Lu I totally know how you are feeling but try and catch your breath and relax underwater. You have to see this.

I've got my wits about me and I begin to float face down eyes wide open....AWWWWW BEAUTY!!!!

I again get out and know that something spiritual just happened.

It's one thing to stand in the ocean ankle deep as the waves lap over your feet. Then we move a little farther out where we are about waist deep...and we keep tiptoeing out until our shoulders are under. We then move a bit farther and then we can't touch...that always makes me a little scary. What if something comes to nibble on my toes?

3,000 feet of water under me, a vast horizon of an endless ocean. I jumped right in. It scared me but I knew I had to do it. I had a choice but I didn't really, I didn't want to miss this chance. And then to increase the experience I got back in...relaxed and looked under the water.

We get this opportunity everyday when we walk with the Lord. We have the choice to jump right in, to give him all that we are and trust He will keep us afloat. And we even get the chance to relax, take a deep breath and bask in His beauty. When I opened my eyes under the water it was the most beautiful blue I had ever seen and in the blue were these rays of sunlight that broke through the water and went as deep as I could see.

I want to be all in with the Lord, I don't want to hang out knee deep in the water. I want to be consumed by Him...ALL OF ME. I am very much in a season of asking the Lord where am I not all in? Where am I holding back parts of my heart from you? Where am I choosing to do things on my own? I want to give him all things, find him all things, because he's created all things. Search my heart Lord and give me the courage to jump right in, relax and see the light breaking through.

Sometimes we might not understand why we want to jump right in...but trust the Lord and jump on in. He's a really good God.

Death By Burpees

Minute 1..do 1 burpee...wait for minute 2 to start

Minute 2....do 2 burpees...wait for minute 3 to start

Minute 3...wait for mintue 4 to start

and on and on until you can no longer fit burpees into the minute. The first few rounds will be easy...but hold on tight, it gets good around round 6 or 7....

Have Fun, Train Hard.

One Friday... His Sacrifice Set us Free

When the Roman officer overseeing the execution saw what had happened, he worshiped God and said, “Surely this man was innocent.” And when all the crowd that came to see the crucifixion saw what had happened, they went home in deep sorrow. But Jesus’ friends, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance watching. 
-Luke 23:47-49

Reading and reflecting over the pages of the bible I always try to identify with the characters in the stories. I, of course, always identify with people who have the most faith and are the wisest... ahahahaha! It's true though, so many times I think as I'm reading stories of the unbelief, fear or hesitation of Jesus' followers, I'm over here going, you idiot... JUST BELIEVE HIM ALREADY, HE'S RIGHT THERE WITH YOU AND YOU STILL QUESTION HIM!

Today, as I was reading about the crucifixion in Luke, the above verse caught my eye... The Roman officer saw what had happened and worshiped God... but Jesus' followers stood at a distance watching. We all know I am no bible scholar... but I just pictured these women standing in shock trying to process what had just happened... and I totally identified with them. I think I would have been thinking about what this meant for my faith and my family... wondering if any of it was really true. I know this because even now when I can feel and hear God so plainly one day, my questions and doubt (aka the enemy) creep in the next and make me wonder about the path I have chosen. If someone was reading the story of my life I think they would be screaming... JUST BELIEVE HIM ALREADY, HE'S RIGHT THERE WITH YOU AND YOU STILL QUESTION HIM!

I love God and my faith is stronger than it has ever been, His sacrificed has never seemed greater for me than it does today. But there are still days I find myself holding back... standing at the edges and watching others, trying to take in the situation, rather than diving in as a leader and blazing a trail... even at the risk of looking stupid and being condemned by people who don't believe what I believe. It's scary... but the point of His crucifixion and the resurrection is to remove the fear.

As we go into this weekend filled with time with friends and family, I want to just soak in the power of HIS grace... the power of the sacrifice he made for me. ME, the one who loves Him but waivers in faith and confidence... the one who wants to blaze a trail in his name but is terrified of saying and doing the wrong thing. He sacrificed for ME... He sacrificed for YOU... SOAK IT IN... for the very first time in my life I am choosing to bath in the glory of loving a God who has chosen to love me and sacrifice for me even at my very worst (and that's pretty bad)... I'm embarrassed to say while I have appreciated it in the past... I have NEVER soaked it in and deeply worshiped him on this day... and let me tell you... there is POWER in soaking! So this weekend I am soaking it in, and THEN ... it's time to start blazing baby:):)

When HOPE becomes an idol, confessions of a warrior mom.

Oh I have been wrestling with the Lord a lot lately, okay, the last 10 years or so. A couple months ago God showed me that in a matter closest to my heart-and one that causes pain I never dreamed of-that instead of clinging to Christ I’d clung to hope. Hope is a wondrous thing. It’s a good thing and often in my life I cling to things that my Bible tells me are good things: holiness, faith, hope, and love, etc.

Can hope become an idol?I guess so, for me anyway. I had built hope up into something that became my rock. 

“The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. (Psalms 18:2)” 

It does not say hope is my rock. No wonder my walk with God lost its vibrancy. I have hoped beyond hope for a situation to be reconciled…or more honestly put, “fixed to my satisfaction, for my joy”. I was with a couple other moms retreating for a night and as I sat alone in the lobby of this old hotel in the morning with my Bible, I recognized that God was calling me out. (I told my friends I felt “spanked”.) I was wrong. My hope is IN HIM, not in hope. I am to cast all my cares on HIM, not in hope that they get better or that the difficulties my son experiences with autism magically depart. I think it was easier to hope in hope, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of not having my prayers answered the way I want. I have often hated the “A” word (aka autism) for so many reasons . Mostly because it feels like "it" steals the best of who my son is and steals peace and joy from our home. It feels like a tool of the enemy who wants to steal everything good and cause destruction of hurricane proportions.

The last couple of weeks I have wrestled with God over pulling our son from public school. I have asked God (yes, I am ashamed), “Please don’t make me do this, anything but this”. I am not up to the task. My marriage will suffer. As little as I get out now…poof, now even less! Lunch dates with girlfriends will really never happen. Hubby and I will never have another lunch “date”. Great, kill me now.

I have been willing to serve God, even suffer for Him, but I have always wanted to choose HOW. 

I am so wrong, about so much. My love that I consider pure and unshakeable for God is really conditional. I want Him to have all of me…on my terms. Oh, that is so hard to type. I am selfish and lack trust. I have bucked the mantle of “suffering servant”. Christ washed the feet of his disciples and said we should do the same. It sounds nice, sure okay, I can do that. Can I really? Do I? I realized when it is for people who love me back, I can. When it’s from someone who essentially just takes and takes, sometimes cursing me in the process, I’m not so willing.

I would stand in front of a bullet for this boy-and my other 3 kids- or take the charge of an angry bear. I know without a shadow of a doubt that is true. How can I be so unwilling to keep pouring out love, in a different way, in the service of home schooling?

I don’t really want to attempt the hard stuff feel all challenged and actually experience failure on a regular basis. I have to lay it all out for God and ask Him to show me the ick…I know it’s there. I just want to ignore it and make some brownies. However, my true heart for Him is manifest in how I deal with suffering.

Am I really willing to share in the suffering of my Lord and Savior or do I just talk a good game?

As a mom I have felt suffering. Parenthood opens your soul up wide to every potential kind of hurt that exists. Am I ready to embrace it in a way that allows God to change me into someone who may one day resemble his Son, the One who modeled perfect love? Do I just want to use my suffering to commiserate with other moms and let them know they are not alone? Suffering, Lord, any kind, let me be willing to walk through it with You.

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.”

—2 Corinthians 4:8-11

So much comes down to fear and pride in this one question for me, “What if I’m not enough?!” I have asked it and felt it for much of my life. The answer? Who the heck is? That’s why I need Jesus, that is why HE suffered. I am NOT enough, only He is. In surrender, I see that autism can be a tool in which God continues to scrape away the selfish, peace and joy seeking parts of my character. When that happens, maybe I will really learn what it means to seek Jesus, wholeheartedly. Maybe, homeschooling is the screen upon which my son will be able to see Jesus in his mommy. I’ve tried to show him in countless other ways for years, but maybe this will be the venue, time, and place that God will capture his attention and his heart. That makes me smile and feel strangely unafraid for what’s to come.

Talking to God about a Religious spirit....In ME!

Oh Father, how this subject has grieved my heart for so long...it probably always will. RELIGION. I despise it Lord! It is the very thing within your church that blocks the true character of Christ from being developed in the ones you love. Satan's most subtle yet successful tactic in stifling the true Power of Christ.

Countless times I prayed over church, bible studies, and people in ministry, etc...The moment I think my prayers are breaking through, Wham! This wall comes back up. I walk away feeling defeated, and in essence, I judge your children for being stiff-necked and hopeless (this majorly grieves your heart). Finally after a couple of years of this I am at my whits-end pleading for your answers! Many tears later, you reveal that I am not gaining total victory of pulling down this stronghold because there is religion in ME!!

How did this issue escape my usual process by which you have given me victory!?! -SELF EXAMINATION-when YOU have enabled me to be an influence over any specific area, I am first and foremost the catalyst for change.    

{I will never have the authority to free others from darkness if I am not free from it myself}

When others complicate what religion is, You have shown me that it is very simply this: Trying to impose standards on others that are beyond what God has required, or given the grace for at that time. Of course! I've definitely done this to my family and closest of friends. Why is it so easy to extend grace to people I hardly know? Regardless, sin is sin. No matter how big or small. And yet sin isn't even my worst enemy, neither saten. It is "SELF"! I remember years ago when You showed me that we may think we have spiritual gifts, we presume to be holy,we rejoice in human successes, but until we/I see Christ and abandon all of our own reliance upon "self", all we will ever have at best is religion. Man, I was sooo eager to do something for you Lord, anything...as long as I didn't have to change inside. I still struggle with this. I know you don't want what I can do..but you want who I am!!

Some years back I was having a crazy, terrible day. I looked at my employee and said, " Wow, satan is really kickin my butt!" she replied, "I think you are kickin your own butt. LOL!" This was so true....

Jesus, you have and will continue to deliver me from so many things. Thank you for reminding me that when I'm kickin my own butt and doing it for and in Jesus name...you are really just wanting me to EMPTIED in order to be filled with more of YOU. Father your correction is like sweet, sweet kisses to me.

Dear Lord, examine me daily. I will stop at nothing to be free and set other free from this devastating assignment from the enemy. I love you with all that is in me. And thank you for the power of LOVE by the blood of Christ!

The Predecessor of Fearlessness

In the 1800’s, an acrobat named Blondin (Jean-Francois Gravlet) became famous for crossing Niagra Falls by tightrope many times, usually with no safety net.

One day a crowd gathered at the falls to watch his most dangerous attempt yet. He planned to push a wheelbarrow loaded with a heavy sack of cement across the tightrope. With that extra weight, the slightest miscalculation could tip the wheelbarrow and twist him off the wire, plunging him to death in the raging waters 160 feet below.

Thousands watched breathlessly as he made his way across, placing one foot carefully in front of the other, quietly pushing the wheelbarrow across the spray-filled chasm, oblivious to the roar of the water beneath him.

When he made it to the other side, the throng let out its collective breath and cheered. What a feat! After his crossing, Blondin challenged a nearby reporter: “Do you believe I can do anything on a tightrope?”

“Oh yes, Mr Blondin,” said the reporter, “after what I’ve seen today, I believe it. You can do anything.”

“Do you believe, then,” said Blondin, “that instead of a sack of cement, I could put a man in this wheelbarrow-a man who has never been on a tightrope before-and wheel him without a net, safely over to the other side?”

“Oh yes sir, Mr. Blondin,” said the reporter, “I believe it.”

“Good,” said Blondin. “Get in.”

The reporter paled and quickly disappeared into the crowd. It’s one thing to believe something but quite another to have that kind of faith in someone.

However, one person that day did have that kind of faith in Blondin. This brave volunteer agreed to get into the wheelbarrow and cross the falls with the master acrobat.

As Blondin tipped out the bag of cement and placed his passenger in the barrow, men on both sides of the falls quickly placed bets on the outcome. Then as the crowd cheered, Blondin made his way back across the falls, this time pushing a nervous passenger ahead of him.

It looked like another easy conquest for the daredevil. But when they were halfway across the sixteen-hundred foot rope, a man with a heavy bet against them crept over and cut one of the guy wires.

Suddenly the tightrope pitched crazily back and forth, the force of the whipping motion gaining in intensity. As Blondin fought to keep his balance, he knew that they were seconds way from death. When the rim of the wheelbarrow came off the wire, they would both be pitched headlong into the churning waters.

Blondin spoke, cutting through the terror of his passenger in the wheelbarrow. “Stand up!” he commanded. “Stand up and grab my shoulders!”

The man sat there paralyzed. “Let go and stand up! Let go of the wheelbarrow! Do it or die!”

Somehow the man managed to stand up and step out of the swaying wheelbarrow. “Your arms-put them round my neck! Now your legs-round my waist!” said Blondin.

Again the man obeyed, clinging to Blondin. The empty wheelbarrow fell, disappearing into the frothy turmoil far below. The aerialist stood there, using all this years of experience and every trained muscle to stay on the wire until pitching subsided a little. Then inch by inch he made his way across, carrying the man like a child. Finally he deposited him on the other side.

(This story found in DARING TO LIVE ON THE EDGE by Loren Cunningham)

The man obeyed, clinging to Blondin...

He did what Blodin had told him to do because in the moment of fear the man was paralyzed. He froze, but the voice of Blodin broke through the fear and he did as he was instructed, he clung. Had he not wrapped his arms around his neck, his legs around his waist, death would have been absolute.There was a faith the man had in Blodin, he trusted the man. He stepped out into a wheelbarrow, on a tightrope, over Niagra Falls for goodness sake...Here's the bottom line, we want to be women who walk fearlessly, right?!?!?!

The more and more I am fearlessly doing life, the more and more I am realizing that I can't do it without faith. Without faith fearlessness is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE. I have to cling to Jesus, I have to have faith in His words to me. When He tells me to STAND UP! I must. When He tells me to wrap my arms around his shoulders...goodness me, I DO IT!!!

Life is scary, life is difficult, it's a tightrope and the only thing I choose to cling to is the One I trust more than any...my Heavenly Father. His perfect love will cast out all of my fear. His love will get me across the rope safely.

BUT....I must trust Him. I must trust that He is more committed to my dreams than I am. I must trust that He is more committed to my family than I am. I must trust that He is more committed to my finances than I am. I must trust that He is more committed to my heart than I am. He is even more committed to me meeting my husband....CAN I GET AN AMEN!!!!

With FAITH the things I FEAR become obsolete. I will stand up out of the wheelbarrow and cling to Him as He walks me to the other side. Another victory over fear, it's not a one time thing. It's daily, it's a life of living by faith.

On December 7, 2011 God pierced through my paralysis and called me to a life of missions. He called me out of my business, my home, and all that I knew. He asked me to stand up and cling to Him and His promises. I will not pretend and tell you that it's been easy. It's been the scariest ride of my life. I left behind the safety of my friends and family. I left behind a successful business that provided monthly financial provision. I literally left and walked away from an identity, but I will tell you that I know, that I know, that I know everyday I'm injected with more faith and less and less fear.

God has things He has for your life....stand up and hold on tight knowing He is the best thing you can hold on to! He is the best thing you could trust. His perfect love will cast out ALL of your fears. Where there is faith, fear has no hold.

Willing to get in the wheelbarrow?

             Deck of Cards

Take a deck of cards, shuffle. Face cards are 10, Aces are 11, numbered cards as valued. Flip each card and perform the movement and the number of reps specified. Cycle through deck if you dare or go for 20 minutes.

Hearts=Burpees

Diamonds=100m sprint

Spades=Squats (Video for proper squat)

this video is a little long but it's soooooo good!!!!!!!

Clubs=Situps

Moving Past Awkward... For Him...

photo by Maria Alexandra Photography

A little over a week ago ... Lu told me she was speaking about Numbers 14... She was blown away because she was speaking to a group of women about body image and this is the passage God gave her... Being me of course I had NO clue what Numbers 14 was even remotely about... As I read about the Israelite's rebellion all I could think was THIS IS ME!!!

What really hit me was that the Israelites (even after seeing God's miracles) chose to not have enough faith to believe God would give them what He had promised them. THIS WAS ME!!!

How can we cry out to God and beg him to show us his will for our lives and who he wants us to be and then balk at walking forward and being bold and fearless when he lays it out in front of us?!?!?!?!

For months I was pissed! laying face down sobbing, knowing he wanted more from me but not knowing what it was... then as He started to show me what it is he has called me to, I stopped... I stalled... I procrastinated thinking everything had to be perfect to move forward. How could I step out alone? What if it was awkward? What if people started whispering that Lindsay has gone off the deep end and is now a spiritual nut case??? I waited weeks... until last sunday He said just do it... now... your excuses will always be there... just start the blog.. start the journey... and I will do the rest.

John 14:12-14:

“I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"

After a week of just doing it, listening and obeying and trusting He will do what he says I am changed. Trusting HE will give me what I ask for (no... not a new car or a smaller butt)  I begged to hear His voice... I begged for words.. and then believed he would give them to me... and he did... he did... no seriously HE DID!!! Why am I so amazed? Why can't I read the verses in John 14 and believe they are for me... ordinary, stay at home mom, butt wiping, nothing of a person... ME!!! Today I do know this verse is for me. And here's the beautiful part, it's for you too! It's for your neighbor and your mother and your husband and your 3 year old son... He wants us to move past that awkward fear and really believe He can do what he says...

HE WANTS TO USE US FOR GREATNESS... ANNND He not only WANTS to...

He EXPECTS to!

Uncaged...Sounds Ferocious Doesn't It?

Hello Monday readers!!!! I just want to thank Lindsay for having me and allowing me to ramble on and on here!!! I have to say there's a different sort of pressure writing on someone else's platform but I'm up for the challenge. I will be posting a workout at the bottom of each post every Monday so look for it, enjoy it, let us know how it went.

I'm pretty infamous for falling asleep during movies. So much so that my sister doesn't really watch them with me anymore because I usually end up asleep 20 minutes in...I just can't help myself. So when a friend said to me that I had to watch the Lord of the Rings I scoffed a bit...I can't make it through 20 minutes how will I ever make it through the extended version trilogy? Well I happily can say, I MADE IT and I only fell asleep one time!!!

The movie was amazing, but there was one part that literally caused me to pause and journal the conversation between Aragorn and Eowyn...on a side note what a man eh??? I'm still single so I can look.... ;-) I'm getting back to it...sorry for the rabbit trail, I tend to do that often. Here is the exchange.

Eowyn: "I do not fear death or pain."

Aragorn: "What do you fear my lady?:

Eowyn: "A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accepts them. And all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire."

Aragorn: "You are a daughter of kings. A shield maiden of Rohan, I do not think that will be your fate."

As many of you know, and maybe some that do not I will inform you of her part in the story. There is a villain who cannot be killed by a man. As they ride to battle she disguises herself and goes to battle with the men and ends up killing the villain because a man cannot....but a woman could. Had she been afraid of death or pain she would not have gone. Had she been living in fear this villain would not have been overtaken. She was able to perform a task that otherwise could not be carried out by man. There are things that as women only we can do. There are dreams we dream because God placed them in us. He placed very specific ones in YOU. There are things in this world that YOU are called to do. Stepping out fearless, unafraid of death, unafraid of pain we must!!!

We as women were created to be mother's and wives. We will give birth to and raise good men, if we choose. We also can be great women who call out great men. And when I say call out I mean to fight for and call the best version of him forward. I do not mean nag him, criticize him, scrutinize him. I mean encourage, love, respect, honor, and tell him who he is....he's waiting and dying to hear it!!! As many of you know I am very single so you may think I don't understand but I heard someone once say, the truth is the truth whether or not you understand.

We are in the fight of our lives ladies. The enemy hates us and would like nothing more than for us to lived caged, confined, and imprisoned in our fear and insecurities. We just cannot be ok with it anymore. We were created strong, beautiful, confident, brave, fun...we are fun ladies. I challenge you to laugh and smile a little bit more today....sorry another random thought, they just keep coming so I'm just going to keep typing them.

We must be less afraid of the pain that may come with stepping out and doing the scary things. We must be less afraid of the death that may come to our old traits, old relationships, old habits. Pain and death can and will literally lead to freedom. An act of valor sounds like something that a man should do right? Well valor means boldness or determination in facing great danger, courage, or bravery. So I'm going to challenge you to an act of valor. Just keep in mind danger doesn't have to be anything death defying it could be even the danger felt when being vulnerable with another person. There can be danger of looking a little silly or making a fool of yourself. So here it is...an act of valor this week...what will it be? We want to know. So either email us something crazy you did or put it in the comments section.

You are a daughter of the King, you need not be afraid....wow I have watched entirely too much Lord of the Rings

Lu-the-uncaged-Crenshaw

For 10 minutes do:

1 Lunge, 1 Pushup, 1 Situp (all the way down and all the way up)

2 Lunges, 2 Pushups, 2 Situps

3 Lunges, 2 Pushups, 2 Situps and on and on for 10 minutes...you may make it as high as 12 or 13 rounds.

When you get to 10 minutes stop and rest for 3 minutes. At the end of the rest make your way back down.

If you made it to 12 rounds do 12 lunges, 12 pushups, 12 situps, 11, 11, 11...and so on!!!

Keep track of the time it took you to get all the way back down to 1. Keep a record of it then try it in a month and see how it goes.

Going Fearless...

Photo by Maria Alexandra Photography

I've made a tough decision... one that will forever change how I live, love and grow. I AM GOING FEARLESS ... and this is my experiment. I am going to blog through this journey toward letting go of all of the things that hold me back from living a life of relentless faith... through believing God's grace offers more than just salvation and forgiveness. Knowing that true power and wisdom and insight lie into HOW he wants all to live. My journey is sparked by so many things in the last few months... women being brave enough to speak hard words into my life, God blessing us with the most abundant symbol of his grace (our Extreme Makeover Home) and reading an inspiring book that has forever changed me (RELENTLESS... go read it NOW...seriously!)

Everyday I will ask God to reveal something fearless he wants me to do... everyday I will ask God in faith to give me the power in his almighty grace to do what I can't in my own strength and to break though the limits of what I ever thought possible for my own life. While this is my journey, it's not all about me. It's really about you... about all of us and what life can be if we truly want to seek and follow God's call on our lives. Not when we "have it all together", not when we get "that" job or our kids are out of diapers... not once the kids are graduated or we pay off our debt... BUT what we can accomplish right here, right now, with the gifts HE has freely given us. What would it look like if Christ's Church lived beyond survival, beyond spiritual; consumerism, beyond making it through each day, week and month... and truly lived free from fear and bondage... set apart in His Grace... for His Glory.

I can't wait to introduce you to other women on the same journey who have committed to share how God is doing similar things in their lives... this is a fluff free zone. There will be no flowery feel goods, there will be no easy way outs... BUT what comes with living free and fearless is a sort of excitement and fulfillment I've only just gotten a glimpse of... and I want more... join me, let's start something new together!

Let The Experiment Begin!