The Messiness of Living a Life United

I'm right smack dab in the middle of a journey that is stripping off all of the things God never intended me to be. All of the things that hold me back, all of the empty lies whispered into my ears telling me I'm not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, spiritual enough... all of these things are being stripped away. The fear of failure and fear of success... the fear that others won't like me as God molds me into this new kind of creation. Painfully and slowly, but with great care and compassion they are being ripped from my sides.

We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. -Romans 6:6

I've said before what God has put on my heart has been to help unite His people... and then help ignite them with the passion, love and grace that can only come from Him. It's weird though in this "UNITING" process I kind of pictured lots of kumbaya moments with brief breaks of hugs and praise (for each other and for God) and you know... like butterflies and rainbows and all of that gushy love stuff. What I've realized though, is God's call on my life to unite can only be footed on a solid foundation of growth if the things in me that are broken have been fully restored. Which is a process that is really anything but lovey fluff... it's more like, live and learn and have opportunities to extend grace through pain and tears.

How can I go out and preach NOT TO JUDGE, and still have a small corner of my mind reserved for those who are especially vulgar to me? How can I shout a message of FORGIVENESS AND ACCEPTANCE, if I myself have never had to endure the pain of being wronged and the humility in forgiving and loving anyway? The answer is I can't. I think far too many people do though. And as I wade through the murky waters of experiencing the pain and humility of being restored... I am free... and as I am freed the silence is breaking... little by little my pain will morph into victory in someone else's life. Which is true victory all for God's glory!

So stand strong for our freedom! The Anointed One freed us so we wouldn't spend one more day under the yoke of of slavery, trapped under the law. -Galatians 5:1

What I've realized in these 9 short months since the ripping and tearing away of my flesh began... or the crap that is so ingrained in me it feels like my flesh... is saying YES to God means doing ALL that we do in love and grace and mercy and HUMILITY. 

I think as Christians these words are watered down because they're used too much. We say "love ya" to a friend and turn around and rip her to shreds if we feel we've been wronged in any way. We expect grace and mercy, because we're human right??? but we are so much slower to give it when doing so comes at a personal cost to us. 

The bottom line though, is if we are truly seeking to MOVE MOUNTAINS and GROW the Kingdom of God here on earth... these FOUR words need to be tattooed on our minds. 

LOVE.GRACE.MERCY.HUMILTY.

We need to stop pretending like we want what God wants and really dive in to the messiness that comes with entering into other's lives, pain, victories and challenges. We need to stop pretending we're perfectly imperfect (aka sinners but not that kind of sinner) and just roll around in the idea of actually extending grace and compassion to those we think are despicable. Gasp. It's when we can do these things, the enemy will be defeated... it's when we do these things we will be free from the fears, insecurities and jealousies that have kept parts of us captive to darkness.. it's when we do these things God will truly be glorified...

Do you ever pretend to let things go to God... and then take them back? Do you struggle with being perfectly imperfect?? I've bared my guts... join me... it's fun.. well it's at least a little therapeutic:)

pssst... are you going?

Treasures In Darkness

Isaiah 45:3 -

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, The god of Israel, who summons you by name.

While standing in line at the bank one day I overheard the teller explain some of the dark times he was going through. As I approached the counter he continued to express some of the details to me, as the hurt was still fresh and this was the way he was dealing with it. I told him that I felt bad for what he had been going through. With a smirk on his face he replied "You... You haven't suffered a day in your life." These words had been delivered to me on more than one occasion. 

1 Samuel 16:7

For The Lord sees not as man sees: Man looks at the outward appearance, God looks upon the heart.

Here's my question... based on appearances do you make assumptions about people you do not know?

I'm not a theologian nor a bible scholar. But I do consider myself to have an advanced degree from the University of Diversity. I will try my best to spare all the gruesome details. So here it goes. Neglected, rejected, despised, and abused. By the time I was fourteen years old I was homeless, and had become a couch hopper. Unwilling to become a burden to anyone I would usually run. I visited the shelters available to teens, but felt I was better off alone and on my own. In and out of court rooms, fearfully facing my abusers in order to protect those I loved even though they rejected me. There was never any rest; which resulted in countless failed attempts at suicide. I was pregnant at nineteen and where I always started out with good intentions quickly turned in to a scandal. I felt so much shame because I merely lived a life of survival. All I ever wanted to do was experience peace!!! 

I'm not interested in writing you a novel so I will just stop here, because the trials and tribulations are endless. People were rarely aware of my circumstances, because of my appearance. I always (as people would share) looked put together. 

I met my husband shortly after my 23rd birthday. And accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. The moment I settled in to the lifestyle of what I thought was going to be peaceful, all kinds of ICKY began to manifest. 

Jesus began to heal me. The healing process itself, to say the least, was UUUGLY! Stuff just began bubbling  out all over the place!! Scared to allow my husband and family (I had two boys at this point) to see what needed to come out, I began to destroy my marriage.

Proverbs 14:1

The wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

I definitely wanted to isolate myself so that I didn't have to face the pain or the horror that I'd endured in my short lifetime. Nope. The Lord allowed everyone in my life to see it as though I was on display. After three years of this my marriage couldn't take any more. Here I was again, failing at my attempt to pull off a "Normal Life". 

But then... I picked up my bible and began to pray. The next several years were not the easiest, but I started doing things God's way. All of my brokenness was healed and my marriage restored. In retrospect I began to see the hidden treasures that God had for me in these times of darkness. 

Although life doesn't stop bringing it's trials I can honestly say that the battle belongs to The Lord. I am sincerely living the abundant life that Jesus spoke of. Not because things are perfect, but because to know Him and to be loved by Him is to know that there is a treasure within everything that life may hold for us. 

Rejoice in knowing that you have a purpose!!!!!! And for the love of Jesus (...because he first loved us. - 1 John 4:19). Walk fearlessly in it.

No More Friendly Fire

I Love our Lord's example in the above scripture. As the Pharisees and Scribes constantly sought to provoke Jesus... he always seemed to answer with such serenity and tranquility. Jesus never was and never is uptight. And yet the minute someone provokes me (not on purpose I'm sure), my reaction is most definitely not tranquil. How destructive this is to the Body of Christ!! This is a call for unity within our church community. Lets take a stand together and not allow anymore division from within.

Lets stop the "friendly fire"

{As the bible indicates throughout, unity doesn't happen through the pointing of fingers at one another's spiritual condition. Unity starts with me.}

Here are a few ways to confront this issue in which we seem to struggle... not excluding myself of course. This may offend some, but none of us are guiltless! As my friend Lindsay so poignantly said, "Welcome to the no fluff zone." So here it goes...


1. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Luke 6:45
Before a critical statement can come out of our mouth it is already formed in our heart. Isolate the thought, and immediately take it to the Lord. Get rid of it fast! If you are anything like me, you may have to do this multiple times before it goes away.


2. The tongue has the power of life and death. Proverbs 18:21
Are you speaking life giving words to or about or family (includes in-laws, cousins, uncles, you get the picture)? Chances are if your talking about your immediate family, you will fall into the trap of talking about your church family as well. I like to justify myself by saying, "I need prayer about this" or "sorry for venting". WHOOPS!


3. ...and there are diversities of operation, but it is the same God which worketh all in all. 1Corinthians 12:6
DO NOT compare yourselves (gifts, talents, etc..) to others! This one is especially difficult amongst the women. You will end up becoming jealous toward that person Jesus loves so much, or you will walk in fear that you aren't good enough.[Side note: If I had to compared myself to the incredibly talented women that write on this blog, I would NOT be writing this post today. I would be too fearful....]

4. ...And He gave us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. 1John 4:21
Love the person who is rude to you.... for love covers a multitude of sin. Guess what?? We are not called to love the lovely, but the unlovely.

  Last, but not least......

5. Where sin abounds, Grace abounds that much more. Romans 5:20
So thankful for the Grace administered to me on a moment to moment basis...YAY and AMEN!!