Falling Out Of "The Boat" Butt First...

If Peter stepped out of the boat and took a few steps before he started to sink... I spastically lept out of the boat and fell in butt first and then kind of slid toward Jesus like a donkey on ice before starting to sink...

To sink is to focus on my strength and abilities... to sink is to focus on building MY KINGDOM instead of his.

I've mentioned I haven't been able to write for weeks. Up until a few days ago there has just been nothing up there... I have so many thoughts through out the day and I'm going through so much spiritually, but the second I sit down to write... zero, zilch, nada... my brain is empty.

Starting this blog and then FIGHT NIGHT and the the FEARLESS AND FIT RETREAT were all apart of my spastic fall out of the safety boat. They are all things I know God is calling me too... and all things that can either be done in His Spirit for His Glory... OR in my strength to build me up. Sadly without knowing it... hmmhmm... this is hard to admit... but, like a nano second after that "pure pursuit for God", you know when I made the decision to fall out of the boat, came selfish motives that were even hidden from me.

I started to dream of how to use what God has given me for MYSELF... for MY career... for MY family's provision. None of which is wrong in itself, but for me it was because I started to use something that started so pure to fill my need for stuff and recognition outside of God's will. The nice comments on the blog and the Facebook page... the great response from fight night... I took those things and buried them in ME... while my lips said "glory to God," my heart puffed up in what I thought was my own ability.

{MOTIVE} {HEART}{CONSCIENCE}

These things are so easy to hide... but HE knows. And it occurred to me, unless it's truly for HIS glory... nothing matters. 

All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD.
Proverbs 16:1-3


Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.
1 Corinthians 4:4-6

I needed to confess this... I needed to start fresh... I need to continue my quest to awkwardly fall out of the boat, but as I move forward I want to keep my focus on God and what He wants to use me for. I have come to grips with letting go of my dreams... like Abraham I am setting them on the alter... the gifts and blessings God has given me are not my own. The lump in my heart I have as I write this is my offering to God. I trust Him, I love him and I know what He has for me is beyond anything I could ever dream of... here's to pure motives and a learning to trust His dreams are what I really want.

The Ministry of Life

Yesterday as I typed an email to someone I told her that God had called me into full time women's ministry... I shuttered as I typed those words. Here's why: Last Saturday, after talking about dreams and what/who we have let hold us back I had someone ask me a question. She said, "I guess my dream would be to have a vineyard with my husband, but is that ok... you know that my dream isn't ministry." (ok that was paraphrasing it was a week ago and I'm sleep deprived.) Anyway, it was right before I had to get people ready for lunch so I quickly answered "Of course! Everything we do has an impact on the Kingdom."

For a week now I have been wishing I would have forgotten about the logistics of getting 45 women in the lunch line and taken the time to talk about this. Here's the thing.. wait for it... WE ARE ALL CALLED TO MINISTRY... YOU ARE CALLED TO MINISTRY... unbunch your panties while I explain.

We are all, in fact, called to women's ministry, to children's ministry, to men's ministry, to feeding the homeless and giving to the poor... BUT  guess what it's not called ministry it's called LIFE.  

Whether you're a lawyer, a stay at home mom, a nurse or a farmer.... WE ARE ALL CALLED to work for the good of the kingdom! We are NOT called to compartmentalize "work", "family", "friends"  and "God". Sometimes I think the label of "ministry" makes the masses feel justified in NOT living a life purposefully devoted to Kingdom work because "ministry" is meant for those with a special calling set apart from "real" life.

If you have decided to love Jesus... guess what???? YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY inducted into the MINISTRY OF LIFE... It's weird how words can unintentionally create barriers. If I don't label what I do as ministry, but rather as life, is it any less important? It feels less important, but that's called pride, and that's my own issue. When someone asks what I do what do I tell them??? "Well, I wipe butts and occasionally do dishes, oh and I love women..." How do I classify what God has called me to without the label of "ministry"... does it even matter? There's a bit of sexiness in the word ministry... somehow implying ministry is a program that I sacrifice to be a part of... something that only really spiritual people can lead. It can be a barrier... a divider... sometimes even an obstacle built on pride...

Not long ago I saw a friend from our pastoring days. Knowing that my hubby now works for a hospital system and no longer a church or official ministry he asked, "Does CJ miss being in ministry." I said "Not really, because our lives are ministry." I don't think this guy meant anything by his question, but it made my blood boil. Just a few weeks before CJ had been called to anoint a patient with oil and pray for healing because the chaplain was busy... this is life... is it less ministry because he works for a secular organization???!!!! As bosses and employees, as mothers and wives and daughters, as patrons at a restaurant or shoppers at Target... every second of everyday we are called to move the Kingdom forward and to love others by using the gifts God has given us... hmm hmm... M-I-N-I-S-T-R-Y!!

Paul was a tent maker by day and still managed to blaze as an apostle, preacher, teacher, and healer and lived ministry.  This is in NO WAY a dig to those in paid full time "ministry", we should as a community financially support our pastors! We should support the great organizations that spread the Gospel!!! The danger I am warning about is adopting an attitude of complacency in life because we don't bear an official label of "such and such" ministry. We are all called to work together... we are all a part of the body of Christ! When we no longer default to letting the "pros" handle the heart ache and ickiness of the world, when we can no longer hide behind the great excuse of being "unqualified", when we stop sitting back and expecting a chosen few do 99% of the work... and realize WE ARE THE WORKERS... WE ARE THE LEADERS... WE ARE THE MOUNTAIN MOVERS... HOLY CRAP people!!! the enemy will cower and the gates of Hell will be stormed... how glorious that day will be!

|FIGHTING WORDS|:

1 Corinthians 12:12-26 (The Message)

12-13You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you're still one body. It's exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive. 


14-18I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn't just a single part blown up into something huge. It's all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, "I'm not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don't belong to this body," would that make it so? If Ear said, "I'm not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don't deserve a place on the head," would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it. 


19-24But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair? 


25-26The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.

Project: WORLD O WOMEN ... overcoming the fear ...

The last two years I've spent taking a full on plunge into the WORLD O WOMEN! Upon becoming a "christian" a little over 10 years ago, I've been invited to multiple women's retreats and have only attended 2. I went kicking and screaming, and really to be honest (sorry girls), didn't enjoy them. I've also attended several bible studies in which I never finished. I always seemed to have a reasonable excuse as to why I shouldn't or couldn't return. So here's my point....This last week a couple of incredible women I know threw a day retreat called the "Fearless & Fit Retreat". It was SO much fun!!! But a heard a question asked repeatedly by the two women heading up the retreat as well as many who attended. 

Why are women so scary? 

Or rather, why do we avoid functions like these ones at all cost? I thought I was alone in feeling this way!! Apparently not. Lets face it, we've all had past experiences that have left us feeling more like an alien than 'one of the girls'...
Back to this journey I've been on. We'll just call it Project: World O Women. Creative I Know! Lol! As I've taken on this assignment to sort of infiltrate these strange beings, I've learned so much about myself. Here are a few things I've learned that may be helpful in overcoming your fear when it comes to large groups of women/people.

Wow! Building relationships just take too much time. Time that I obviously DON'T HAVE! Oh, how I have been guilty of using this A-L-I-B-I. It's God's desire that we build relationships with one another. As I seek Him first, He will direct my steps and help me to make time. We have also become such consumers of information. Coming together only to exchange all of the information we are inundated with on a daily bases. This is not a totally negative thing, but can sometime become a hindrance when trying to really get to know a person.

{Paraphrasing} 2 Timothy says to mark this: There will be teachers, men and women who will have a form of godliness but denying its power. Those who will be trying to deceive others. Have nothing to do with such people.


I've also been terrified of being "misunderstood". As I've ventured out of my comfort zone and returned to situations in which women exist: play dates, coffee dates, workout dates, various ministry groups etc...Guess what? I've been misunderstood and misunderstood others! Big Whoop! This plays a very important part in us developing relationally. If you are faithful in the "just showing up" department, God will be faithful in making what is crooked, straight {Isaiah 45:2}. In fact, the part of me that would prefer to correct the "misunderstanding" by re-explaining what it was I was TRYING to communicate, has begun to diminish. And in many ways is rooted in pride (that's a whole other topic). Now I just smile and nod knowing that the Lord will correct a person's perception if need be. Even if you are misunderstood time and time again, it will be okay. I promise! I wonder if this is why Jesus spoke in parables? Maybe He then could observe & discern whether the disciples were going to stop trying to figure everything out, and just allow His words to penetrate their hearts.

Another block for me personally is that I used to be a very success driven person. I didn't feel validated unless I was able to achieve some level of success by the worlds standards. I could be pretty creative in "talking shop" amongst some VERY successful people in the business world (don't ask me anything now, I've kept myself  completely out of the loop). This caused me to become terribly competitive and thereby I was unable to fully connect with people. Now, I revel in my weaknesses!!!

Something spectacular occurs when you allow people to see in to your frailties. It most often enables them to walk away from the conversation with permission to be real.

One more observation that I noticed women do. We fill the silence with endless chatter. When someone in their attempt at being vulnerable steps out, most women like to respond quickly with a solution. By nature, we sure like to fix things. Sometimes we are trying  to get rid of any possibility of 'awkward silence'. In the past when I've asked for prayer at church or elsewhere, women with the best of intentions have been typically quick to analyze & apply prayer accordingly. Sometimes all I need is for someone to listen and take their time praying for me. I've learned with my kids that when I'm too quick to respond, they walk away feeling as though I wasn't really LISTENING. They for sure won't trust me to listen when the next problem arises.

Knowledge puffs up, but LOVE edifies 

{1 Corinthians 8:1}.

I am truly thankful for my opportunity for personal growth within Project: World O Women. More importantly I've met the most outrageously talented and lovable women in the world! Thank you to the women who have taken the time to love on me while I've come to the realization that women aren't that scary after all!!!

Breaking the Silence...

It's  been over a month since my last post but it's felt like years. I have been silenced. By genetics I'm a nervous talker... my mom is one too... we have a disorder called FOAS, hmm hmm fear of awkward silence. So so so often I talk or write to fill a void.

SILENCE IS AWKWARD AND SQUIDGY. 

Yesterday we had our first Fearless and Fit Retreat up here. It was actually pretty amazing. We did this thing called knee to knee eye to eye where complete strangers had to be authentic and real and vulnerable with each other... while touching knees and looking in eyes. I was leading the exercise, not even participating and it made me pitty. Afterward my friend Heather said she realized her need to fill the silence for the other person, she said she realized she was just trying to avoid awkwardness but in doing so wasn't allowing the other person to own and experience the exercise in their own way. She really is one of the most profound women I know. To realize that about yourself in a matter of minutes and own it is amazing. I've been tap dancing and vomitting verbally on people my entire life because silence has always been scary to me.

This past month I've realized there really is nothing scary about silence. It's in the silence that we can listen and hear God's voice... we can listen and hear the needs of others around us. Silence is where we move from me center thinking to kingdom centered thinking, because when we can shut our mouths and silence our thoughts we make room for the Holy Spirit to move in and take over. We make room for compassion and service and doing rather than just talking about doing so other people will praise us.

The other day a friend called and left me a message saying she had to confess something to me. In an attempt to avoid any awkwardness I called her back and when she said hello I bursted out, "Hey you don't have to confess anything to me, I love you, there is nothing you can do to change it we're good." My inability to be quiet and even let her get her confession out ROBBED her of what she needed that day. It upset her and rightly so... silence is highly UNDER RATED!

In silence I have realized how many of my words have been used to build my own kingdom rather than His. There are so many words out there... so many opinions and teachings... so many great books so many people trying to put in their two sense. I guess I just don't want to add to the noise anymore... in life or on the blog. So,  UNTIL He actually gives me words to speak or write I shall be silenced. I want to get awkward and squidgy and itchy (thanks Annie for the new term:)) and pitty in the silence as I wait to hear and speak ONLY what he has for me to speak. I am sick of squelching the Holy Spirit because of my need for comfort. This is a hard statement to make in the blogging world when rule numero uno is to have a regular blogging schedule... but I can't... I want my words to be His... I want The Fearless Experience to be spirit led and Kingdom minded. This might mean a post a day for weeks and then nothing for months... I don't know... but I love you and Him too much to be another source of noise in your day... Here's to getting squidgy!!

Fearless Abandon

He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit. Titus 3:5 

Today while I was reading in the One Year Book of Hope (Nancy Guthrie) I was struck by a sentence or two. Like UPSIDE THE HEAD struck. It’s one of those times you think, “Wait, I know I’ve heard that before…or read that before…but…how did I not understand it until now??”

The light has gone on for me, for many reasons: the things I am learning about God since our recent family trauma, the ways that God has been waking my heart up by His grace in the last 10 months, and this whole Fearless Experiment trek of our dear friend, Lindsay.

Saying “yes” to God and trusting him in teeny and extravagant ways is something that’s been going on a lot around here. I am so grateful to be able to witness it (and experience it) because of Linz & co.’s transparency and letting others in on the changes happening, it’s beautiful! It’s just the beginning. Can you see how the fire of one person can help fuel and ignite the fire of many others?

God is changing us, helping us to experience fearless abandon. We say yes to Him and then leave the results to Him. It’s simple sounding, yet sometimes hard to do. I finally pulled the trigger on Sunday to build a little blog for moms (moms who ache) of prodigal, ill, or jailed children. I was SO AFRAID. I knew that God wanted me to, though. With a little fearless (or wreckless) abandon, I just stopped asking all the questions and set aside my pride, too. Some people do see moms like me as the leprous underbelly of society…or so my mind keeps trying to tell me. God knows me, though, and He created me to be more than a fearful follower.

But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” 1 Sam 15:22 

To OBEY is better than any sacrifice. I’m learning so much more about what that really means. We don’t sacrifice animals today, but we can sacrifice time and resources to help others. Sometimes our sacrifice stems from obedience. Some things are easier than others to sacrifice. 

Basically, saying yes to God, when He asks us to do something is far greater than the other things we may do-good things-for Him. 

Like, if we ask one of our kids to please load the dishwasher because the kitchen is a mess and we’re about to have company and you need to run to the store…and instead she organizes her closet, vacuums her room, or sifts through drawers to find items to donate to the needy. She is doing great things, yet, not done the thing we needed her to do. We will be disappointed (or freaking out). What she’s done is really nice, but not what we needed from her.

How do we know what we’re supposed to do or what God wants from us? I believe it’s the Holy Spirit in us and by purposefully seeking God every day. We have His Holy Spirit within us!!! That is amazing! Other world religions, from all I know, are about following tenants…on your own. Our one, true God lives within us! That hit me upside my head this morning and I feel like I should have the boldness of a superhero! How often I doubt and cower like Clark Kent…meek and mild mannered. Where is my boldness? There is nothing I cannot do that He asks me to!

Christ lives in me!!! This flabby body is the container for God’s greatness on earth!!! Wow, it just really soaked in. I’ve known it for over 25 years, why has it taken so long for me to believe it and start acting like it?? I feel fearlessly abandoned…I am weak, but He is strong! Through Him I can do whatever He asks of me…GREAT things! His Spirit lives through us, so our gross human nature can die and we can live an entirely new way. What a gift. Why, oh why have I spent so much time trying to do it on my own?

It’s incredible that the God of the universe wants to use US in His plans to change the world. We are modern day disciples, spreading the truth of who He is! We can be fearless, for real! 

I see so many incredible women around me, catching this fire for obedience. Saying yes to God can change our lives! It can change the lives of anyone around us. It is transformational and all around this valley, women are emerging from cocoons and taking flight. It’s a wonderful thing to see and I say THANK YOU to each of you “Yes Sayers”! You matter. What you say yes to matters. Fearlessness is contagious! Let’s ignite a firestorm so that others can see Christ more clearly!

"Ladies....Calling the Ladies" -God

Jesus is coming back.  None of us know the date or time, but He's coming back.  I used to have the mindset that the world needed to go to hell in a handbasket and then He would come.  It was just going to get worse and then He'd come back and then Heaven bound.  My theology has since changed and I have realized that the Bible gives all kinds of things that we as God's people can do to either tarry His coming or to even speed it up.

This got me thinking...Am I helping the process or hurting the proces?  

I'm going to say that for most of my life I haven't been helping much, but over the last year or so I would have to say I have been much more active in my life with the Lord.  He gives us commands to go into all the world and preach the gospel...the Great Commission (Matthew 28:16-20).  What does that mean for my life as a woman?  Does that mean in my lifetime I must set my feet on the soil of every continent and preach the gospel?  Maybe....but what I really think is that I am to believe God for who He says I am, live a life that He's called me to and in the process I will do my part in the Great Commission.  As I walk in my calling I live a life that is an act of obedience but also a life of worship.  In my obedience, I am walking in the will of the Lord which has me doing ALL that He has created me for...to love him...to love His people.  I desire to live a life that points people to the goodness, the faithfulness, and the love of the Lord....PERIOD!

As women we must know our value, our calling, our ministry so that we live lives that point others to the redemption of the Cross.  I am reading a book written by two men called, "Why Not Women" A Biblical Study of Women in Missions, Ministry, and Leadership.  This book in written by Loren Cunningham (who just so happens to be coming to Medford next week) and David Hamilton.  I'm only in chapter one and have been struck to write.  I feel like I've had so many things to write about the past month or so but have just found it so hard....not this one!!!  It has made my heart hurt for the rampant injustice in the world for women...the statistics and truths are disturbing.  I find myself broken but also so grateful to be a woman whom God chose my birth place to be in America.

There is a section titled "Jesus Put Women in the Spotlight".  It is talking about the three greatest events in the life of Jesus (birth, death, and resurrection) women were placed in the spotlight.  I will not be going greatly in depth on the three.  I mostly just want to leave you with these truths to ponder and maybe even write about here at TFE!!!

Point #1:  The ancients believed that man was the seed of life and women were merely the soil.  There is an ancient thought that in the semen of a man contained tiny human beings.  The duty of the woman's womb was to merely be the soil in which the seed grew.  "God took the idea and stood it on its head having Jesus be born with only a woman as His earthly parent.  This about it!  Mary was the only human source for Jesus' DNA." -Loren Cunningham   Interesting thought eh?

Point #2: The death of Jesus was the central purpose to Him coming to this earth.  Jesus was anointed by Mary and a few days later, a woman entered His home and broke the entire alabaster jar filled with expensive oil over his head.  Jesus said because she had done this her act would be spoken of everywhere the Gospel was preached (Matthew 26:6-13).  These two women commissioned Jesus as He went to the cross.

Point #3: After His resurrection, Jesus appeared first to Mary Magdalene.  Women were the first to find His empty tomb and they were sent to tell the others He was alive.  They were the first to receive the command to go and tell.

You are important, do you see this? You are valuable, do you see this?  You are needed in this world.....DESPERATELY, do you see this?  You have a very important role to play in the lives of your family, friends, workplace, and PLANET!!!  He's coming back and I don't know about you but I am done sitting around waiting, I'm gonna get up and start doing the things He's asked me to do...like write this blog, read this book, create a retreat about fearlessness, freedom, and link it all up with fitness.

We've got roles to play ladies.  Let's start calling them out of one another and helping put one another in the spotlight just as Jesus did!!!!  I want to challenge you to find one woman and champion her this week in her callings!!!!  What happens when we begin to do this???  Let's just say this is a little sneak peek into Fearless and Fit coming this July!!!  Sign up if you haven't already done so.  Click the pic to register.

                                     

The Messiness of Living a Life United

I'm right smack dab in the middle of a journey that is stripping off all of the things God never intended me to be. All of the things that hold me back, all of the empty lies whispered into my ears telling me I'm not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, spiritual enough... all of these things are being stripped away. The fear of failure and fear of success... the fear that others won't like me as God molds me into this new kind of creation. Painfully and slowly, but with great care and compassion they are being ripped from my sides.

We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. -Romans 6:6

I've said before what God has put on my heart has been to help unite His people... and then help ignite them with the passion, love and grace that can only come from Him. It's weird though in this "UNITING" process I kind of pictured lots of kumbaya moments with brief breaks of hugs and praise (for each other and for God) and you know... like butterflies and rainbows and all of that gushy love stuff. What I've realized though, is God's call on my life to unite can only be footed on a solid foundation of growth if the things in me that are broken have been fully restored. Which is a process that is really anything but lovey fluff... it's more like, live and learn and have opportunities to extend grace through pain and tears.

How can I go out and preach NOT TO JUDGE, and still have a small corner of my mind reserved for those who are especially vulgar to me? How can I shout a message of FORGIVENESS AND ACCEPTANCE, if I myself have never had to endure the pain of being wronged and the humility in forgiving and loving anyway? The answer is I can't. I think far too many people do though. And as I wade through the murky waters of experiencing the pain and humility of being restored... I am free... and as I am freed the silence is breaking... little by little my pain will morph into victory in someone else's life. Which is true victory all for God's glory!

So stand strong for our freedom! The Anointed One freed us so we wouldn't spend one more day under the yoke of of slavery, trapped under the law. -Galatians 5:1

What I've realized in these 9 short months since the ripping and tearing away of my flesh began... or the crap that is so ingrained in me it feels like my flesh... is saying YES to God means doing ALL that we do in love and grace and mercy and HUMILITY. 

I think as Christians these words are watered down because they're used too much. We say "love ya" to a friend and turn around and rip her to shreds if we feel we've been wronged in any way. We expect grace and mercy, because we're human right??? but we are so much slower to give it when doing so comes at a personal cost to us. 

The bottom line though, is if we are truly seeking to MOVE MOUNTAINS and GROW the Kingdom of God here on earth... these FOUR words need to be tattooed on our minds. 

LOVE.GRACE.MERCY.HUMILTY.

We need to stop pretending like we want what God wants and really dive in to the messiness that comes with entering into other's lives, pain, victories and challenges. We need to stop pretending we're perfectly imperfect (aka sinners but not that kind of sinner) and just roll around in the idea of actually extending grace and compassion to those we think are despicable. Gasp. It's when we can do these things, the enemy will be defeated... it's when we do these things we will be free from the fears, insecurities and jealousies that have kept parts of us captive to darkness.. it's when we do these things God will truly be glorified...

Do you ever pretend to let things go to God... and then take them back? Do you struggle with being perfectly imperfect?? I've bared my guts... join me... it's fun.. well it's at least a little therapeutic:)

pssst... are you going?