My True Idenity

Oh Jesus my Healer why have you come, to knock on my heart,

I'd rather feel numb

Persuaded in my mind I already have an identity, 

but it has become evident that with out you there is no me

I will not let myself delight in false humility,

by allowing others to judge what I eat or drink

for these are only the shadows of how His hope sustains me

Can you see me begin to emerge in my true IDENTITY

Oh Jesus my healer I stand in your grace, as you restore me to my health,

I lay down on my face

When I arise I feel so Immovable,

Realizing in that moment it was never me but YOU

Project: WORLD O WOMEN ... overcoming the fear ...

The last two years I've spent taking a full on plunge into the WORLD O WOMEN! Upon becoming a "christian" a little over 10 years ago, I've been invited to multiple women's retreats and have only attended 2. I went kicking and screaming, and really to be honest (sorry girls), didn't enjoy them. I've also attended several bible studies in which I never finished. I always seemed to have a reasonable excuse as to why I shouldn't or couldn't return. So here's my point....This last week a couple of incredible women I know threw a day retreat called the "Fearless & Fit Retreat". It was SO much fun!!! But a heard a question asked repeatedly by the two women heading up the retreat as well as many who attended. 

Why are women so scary? 

Or rather, why do we avoid functions like these ones at all cost? I thought I was alone in feeling this way!! Apparently not. Lets face it, we've all had past experiences that have left us feeling more like an alien than 'one of the girls'...
Back to this journey I've been on. We'll just call it Project: World O Women. Creative I Know! Lol! As I've taken on this assignment to sort of infiltrate these strange beings, I've learned so much about myself. Here are a few things I've learned that may be helpful in overcoming your fear when it comes to large groups of women/people.

Wow! Building relationships just take too much time. Time that I obviously DON'T HAVE! Oh, how I have been guilty of using this A-L-I-B-I. It's God's desire that we build relationships with one another. As I seek Him first, He will direct my steps and help me to make time. We have also become such consumers of information. Coming together only to exchange all of the information we are inundated with on a daily bases. This is not a totally negative thing, but can sometime become a hindrance when trying to really get to know a person.

{Paraphrasing} 2 Timothy says to mark this: There will be teachers, men and women who will have a form of godliness but denying its power. Those who will be trying to deceive others. Have nothing to do with such people.


I've also been terrified of being "misunderstood". As I've ventured out of my comfort zone and returned to situations in which women exist: play dates, coffee dates, workout dates, various ministry groups etc...Guess what? I've been misunderstood and misunderstood others! Big Whoop! This plays a very important part in us developing relationally. If you are faithful in the "just showing up" department, God will be faithful in making what is crooked, straight {Isaiah 45:2}. In fact, the part of me that would prefer to correct the "misunderstanding" by re-explaining what it was I was TRYING to communicate, has begun to diminish. And in many ways is rooted in pride (that's a whole other topic). Now I just smile and nod knowing that the Lord will correct a person's perception if need be. Even if you are misunderstood time and time again, it will be okay. I promise! I wonder if this is why Jesus spoke in parables? Maybe He then could observe & discern whether the disciples were going to stop trying to figure everything out, and just allow His words to penetrate their hearts.

Another block for me personally is that I used to be a very success driven person. I didn't feel validated unless I was able to achieve some level of success by the worlds standards. I could be pretty creative in "talking shop" amongst some VERY successful people in the business world (don't ask me anything now, I've kept myself  completely out of the loop). This caused me to become terribly competitive and thereby I was unable to fully connect with people. Now, I revel in my weaknesses!!!

Something spectacular occurs when you allow people to see in to your frailties. It most often enables them to walk away from the conversation with permission to be real.

One more observation that I noticed women do. We fill the silence with endless chatter. When someone in their attempt at being vulnerable steps out, most women like to respond quickly with a solution. By nature, we sure like to fix things. Sometimes we are trying  to get rid of any possibility of 'awkward silence'. In the past when I've asked for prayer at church or elsewhere, women with the best of intentions have been typically quick to analyze & apply prayer accordingly. Sometimes all I need is for someone to listen and take their time praying for me. I've learned with my kids that when I'm too quick to respond, they walk away feeling as though I wasn't really LISTENING. They for sure won't trust me to listen when the next problem arises.

Knowledge puffs up, but LOVE edifies 

{1 Corinthians 8:1}.

I am truly thankful for my opportunity for personal growth within Project: World O Women. More importantly I've met the most outrageously talented and lovable women in the world! Thank you to the women who have taken the time to love on me while I've come to the realization that women aren't that scary after all!!!

Answering His Call

Honing in on that gentle gesture, I won't ignore it this time

"Come Away With Me My Love"

He draws me to my knees for another unfolding shift

Unparalleled to any other experience I've had

"Come Away With Me My Love"

I feel Him drawing closer, only this time I'm ready for full exposure

I'm no longer afraid to behold His glory

"Come Away With Me My Love"

No more seeking to earn this love You've poured upon me for so many years

I've done so much to show my earnest love for You

Only to hear You once more

"Come Away With Me My Love"

Guarded by my own agenda 

And still Your power poured through

Now is the time to face my biggest fear - INTIMACY

I'm grabbing hold of my beloved's voice

Please do not disturb us, I must go away with Him now.

To Be Continued...