Why are women so scary?
Or rather, why do we avoid functions like these ones at all cost? I thought I was alone in feeling this way!! Apparently not. Lets face it, we've all had past experiences that have left us feeling more like an alien than 'one of the girls'...
Back to this journey I've been on. We'll just call it Project: World O Women. Creative I Know! Lol! As I've taken on this assignment to sort of infiltrate these strange beings, I've learned so much about myself. Here are a few things I've learned that may be helpful in overcoming your fear when it comes to large groups of women/people.
Wow! Building relationships just take too much time. Time that I obviously DON'T HAVE! Oh, how I have been guilty of using this A-L-I-B-I. It's God's desire that we build relationships with one another. As I seek Him first, He will direct my steps and help me to make time. We have also become such consumers of information. Coming together only to exchange all of the information we are inundated with on a daily bases. This is not a totally negative thing, but can sometime become a hindrance when trying to really get to know a person.
{Paraphrasing} 2 Timothy says to mark this: There will be teachers, men and women who will have a form of godliness but denying its power. Those who will be trying to deceive others. Have nothing to do with such people.
I've also been terrified of being "misunderstood". As I've ventured out of my comfort zone and returned to situations in which women exist: play dates, coffee dates, workout dates, various ministry groups etc...Guess what? I've been misunderstood and misunderstood others! Big Whoop! This plays a very important part in us developing relationally. If you are faithful in the "just showing up" department, God will be faithful in making what is crooked, straight {Isaiah 45:2}. In fact, the part of me that would prefer to correct the "misunderstanding" by re-explaining what it was I was TRYING to communicate, has begun to diminish. And in many ways is rooted in pride (that's a whole other topic). Now I just smile and nod knowing that the Lord will correct a person's perception if need be. Even if you are misunderstood time and time again, it will be okay. I promise! I wonder if this is why Jesus spoke in parables? Maybe He then could observe & discern whether the disciples were going to stop trying to figure everything out, and just allow His words to penetrate their hearts.
Another block for me personally is that I used to be a very success driven person. I didn't feel validated unless I was able to achieve some level of success by the worlds standards. I could be pretty creative in "talking shop" amongst some VERY successful people in the business world (don't ask me anything now, I've kept myself completely out of the loop). This caused me to become terribly competitive and thereby I was unable to fully connect with people. Now, I revel in my weaknesses!!!
One more observation that I noticed women do. We fill the silence with endless chatter. When someone in their attempt at being vulnerable steps out, most women like to respond quickly with a solution. By nature, we sure like to fix things. Sometimes we are trying to get rid of any possibility of 'awkward silence'. In the past when I've asked for prayer at church or elsewhere, women with the best of intentions have been typically quick to analyze & apply prayer accordingly. Sometimes all I need is for someone to listen and take their time praying for me. I've learned with my kids that when I'm too quick to respond, they walk away feeling as though I wasn't really LISTENING. They for sure won't trust me to listen when the next problem arises.
I am truly thankful for my opportunity for personal growth within Project: World O Women. More importantly I've met the most outrageously talented and lovable women in the world! Thank you to the women who have taken the time to love on me while I've come to the realization that women aren't that scary after all!!!
Back to this journey I've been on. We'll just call it Project: World O Women. Creative I Know! Lol! As I've taken on this assignment to sort of infiltrate these strange beings, I've learned so much about myself. Here are a few things I've learned that may be helpful in overcoming your fear when it comes to large groups of women/people.
Wow! Building relationships just take too much time. Time that I obviously DON'T HAVE! Oh, how I have been guilty of using this A-L-I-B-I. It's God's desire that we build relationships with one another. As I seek Him first, He will direct my steps and help me to make time. We have also become such consumers of information. Coming together only to exchange all of the information we are inundated with on a daily bases. This is not a totally negative thing, but can sometime become a hindrance when trying to really get to know a person.
{Paraphrasing} 2 Timothy says to mark this: There will be teachers, men and women who will have a form of godliness but denying its power. Those who will be trying to deceive others. Have nothing to do with such people.
I've also been terrified of being "misunderstood". As I've ventured out of my comfort zone and returned to situations in which women exist: play dates, coffee dates, workout dates, various ministry groups etc...Guess what? I've been misunderstood and misunderstood others! Big Whoop! This plays a very important part in us developing relationally. If you are faithful in the "just showing up" department, God will be faithful in making what is crooked, straight {Isaiah 45:2}. In fact, the part of me that would prefer to correct the "misunderstanding" by re-explaining what it was I was TRYING to communicate, has begun to diminish. And in many ways is rooted in pride (that's a whole other topic). Now I just smile and nod knowing that the Lord will correct a person's perception if need be. Even if you are misunderstood time and time again, it will be okay. I promise! I wonder if this is why Jesus spoke in parables? Maybe He then could observe & discern whether the disciples were going to stop trying to figure everything out, and just allow His words to penetrate their hearts.
Another block for me personally is that I used to be a very success driven person. I didn't feel validated unless I was able to achieve some level of success by the worlds standards. I could be pretty creative in "talking shop" amongst some VERY successful people in the business world (don't ask me anything now, I've kept myself completely out of the loop). This caused me to become terribly competitive and thereby I was unable to fully connect with people. Now, I revel in my weaknesses!!!
Something spectacular occurs when you allow people to see in to your frailties. It most often enables them to walk away from the conversation with permission to be real.
One more observation that I noticed women do. We fill the silence with endless chatter. When someone in their attempt at being vulnerable steps out, most women like to respond quickly with a solution. By nature, we sure like to fix things. Sometimes we are trying to get rid of any possibility of 'awkward silence'. In the past when I've asked for prayer at church or elsewhere, women with the best of intentions have been typically quick to analyze & apply prayer accordingly. Sometimes all I need is for someone to listen and take their time praying for me. I've learned with my kids that when I'm too quick to respond, they walk away feeling as though I wasn't really LISTENING. They for sure won't trust me to listen when the next problem arises.
Knowledge puffs up, but LOVE edifies
{1 Corinthians 8:1}.
Beautiful observations!! Love you Heather and thank you for sharing!!!
ReplyDeletewell that was written perfectly! So true and thank you for writing!!
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray we can all be the women friends each other needs. Thank you for sharing outwardly what goes on in that amazing head and heart of yours:) I know the 'world o women' is in the process of transformation right now!!
ReplyDeletelove you!!