To sink is to focus on my strength and abilities... to sink is to focus on building MY KINGDOM instead of his.
I've mentioned I haven't been able to write for weeks. Up until a few days ago there has just been nothing up there... I have so many thoughts through out the day and I'm going through so much spiritually, but the second I sit down to write... zero, zilch, nada... my brain is empty.
Starting this blog and then FIGHT NIGHT and the the FEARLESS AND FIT RETREAT were all apart of my spastic fall out of the safety boat. They are all things I know God is calling me too... and all things that can either be done in His Spirit for His Glory... OR in my strength to build me up. Sadly without knowing it... hmmhmm... this is hard to admit... but, like a nano second after that "pure pursuit for God", you know when I made the decision to fall out of the boat, came selfish motives that were even hidden from me.
I started to dream of how to use what God has given me for MYSELF... for MY career... for MY family's provision. None of which is wrong in itself, but for me it was because I started to use something that started so pure to fill my need for stuff and recognition outside of God's will. The nice comments on the blog and the Facebook page... the great response from fight night... I took those things and buried them in ME... while my lips said "glory to God," my heart puffed up in what I thought was my own ability.
{MOTIVE} {HEART}{CONSCIENCE}
These things are so easy to hide... but HE knows. And it occurred to me, unless it's truly for HIS glory... nothing matters.
All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD.
Proverbs 16:1-3
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.
1 Corinthians 4:4-6
I needed to confess this... I needed to start fresh... I need to continue my quest to awkwardly fall out of the boat, but as I move forward I want to keep my focus on God and what He wants to use me for. I have come to grips with letting go of my dreams... like Abraham I am setting them on the alter... the gifts and blessings God has given me are not my own. The lump in my heart I have as I write this is my offering to God. I trust Him, I love him and I know what He has for me is beyond anything I could ever dream of... here's to pure motives and a learning to trust His dreams are what I really want.
The thing with letting go of our dreams is......re-learning time and time again who are in Christ and this gives us more and more freedom each time we say to God 'Just use me'. And God really does honour the desires of our heart - when He gets the glory.
ReplyDeleteYou're an amazing woman Linz and I don't think you realize the extent of your natural and spiritual giftings just yet.....You bless me so much.
Lindsay, These words are so humble and transparent. When you humble yourself before the Lord, HE will exalt you. It's so counterintuitive isn't it? But the more we act opposite to the ways of the world, the more we get what we desired in the first place.. I may not be making sense. But, We all want recognition, or to be acknowledged for what we do, and the Lord knows that...His version of that though is a little different, but you're absolutely right- our recognition is IN Him, in heaven...and as we surrender ourselves, He is glorified through us, and its a win win...it isn't in vain any longer. He has revealed much to you, and you respond like a soft, moldable, piece of clay becoming an amazing artpiece! Keep feeding the flock as you learn, we glean.
ReplyDeleteAnd this, my friend, is the mark of a good leader-one who is submissive to Christ in all things. Praying for you and cheering Him on as He leads you, jb
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