While some people hide behind a wall of FALSE perfection... I hide behind a wall of raw vomit. Well, hmmhmm, let me explain... I have always thought if I can tell you all the crap about me up front, you will know that I know that I'm a wreck BEFORE you point it out.
Anywhooo... it's in the rawness and realness that I feel the most comfortable, not because I'm so great but because weirdly it's my defense mechanism, it's always been hard for me to accept the good stuff. This though, has been satan's number one route to hold me back in life. I've realized, there is a difference between being upfront, raw and real (all good) and being a self loathing, guilt ridden person who lives in a shadow of fear and condemnation. I'm in transition though. Learning that it's ok to own the good stuff while recognizing and throwing out the crap...
There is beauty in my own weakness. There is something incredible about the fact that He can take the extremely under-qualified (me, you, those 12 guys back in the day) and turn us into extraordinary creations set-up to shake the foundations of the earth. It's easy to believe the bad, but it takes a little extra gumption to also believe the great about ourselves.
Why is it so hard to say "I am Uh-flippen-mazing" ... I am bold, I'm a leader, I am courageous and compassionate... HE made me this way... so why is it so hard to own?!?!?
All through the new testament it says, "Ask in my name and I'll give it to you."{John 14:13} "Nothing is impossible with Christ"{Luke 1:37 NLT}, "I can do all things through Christ." {Philippians 4:13} THIS IS REALITY... but so many times we choose to believe in our own strength or we choose to believe we are defined by our short comings, resulting in a stale faith and a luke warm life of just surviving.
Everything great that has ever happened in my life has taken place when I've been vulnerably, noticeably UNDER-QUALIFIED. I went to Chile to serve and didn't speak a lick of spanish, I got married before I had a clue about what love really is or about how to respect or submit (years of ouch), I had my first baby 4 weeks early and while I thought I knew EVERYTHING... I knew NOTHING(shut up mom)... we moved to Portland on a whim because God called us so we just left ... house unsold, we left a paying job to follow a dream in a new industry in a down economy, we moved home home with nothing, no money no job no home... praying for HOPE for our broken family... we were nominated for a little contest and against all odds, even though we didn't fit the bill, we were chosen to receive the most monstrous gift a community could give.
[EDITORS NOTE: I am fully aware this is a hugely long run on sentence...but it's how I talk so get over it:):)]
I'll be 33 this month and I am so grateful that I can stand up now and say, I love the person He is turning me into (gasp... can I say that???). I love that I feel like I can see a glimpse of what he's talking about in those verses above. I LOVE that I can't brag about these things for my glory but anything good in me is ONLY because he turned my dirty laundry into something quirky and great...
Today is the day girls... TODAY is the day to START OWNING the great stuff about YOU. Today is the DAY to worship our Creator by being brave enough to LOVE all of the great things He put inside of you AND to start using them to bulldoze mountains!!
We all have crap and baggage, there are times when we seriously suck BUT we can't let those things define who we are.
If you're struggling beyond comprehension, if you're stepping out in faith (or falling out butt first like me), if you're searching for purpose or identity... know that these are all opportunities to OWN the greatness he has planted inside of you. Know that these are the seasons that can make you even greater and that YOU and I, CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM... NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE... ASK IN HIS NAME AND HE WILL GIVE IT.... but to believe this you have to believe He made you for GREATNESS...
Amazing post. Thanks for the reminder Lindsay about being made for greatness. It seems that when I start to question why I am here God puts either amazing people or genuine words in front of me.
ReplyDeleteLove it!!! For me....my thirties have been the best decade. Its when God really started ripping down walls....calling me to trust Him in who He created me to be.....and turning 40 in January I have loved this process. Not Cu's its easy or flowery...it hurts actually...but I like who I am now!!! Good insight linz ;)
ReplyDeleteI THank God for you ingenuity!! Its truly a gift and one to be recognized as so. In other words, you embrase it as opposed to not. Not embracing your call in many ways could seem easier. But Lindsay, you stand in His grace and in your own words, put on your big girl panties' so as to encourage other women! Bless you as you intead to abound in the work of the Lord.
ReplyDelete