A Call To Fight...

Last night CJ and I were talking with some friends about this spiritual revival that has taken over our lives,  and it made me start thinking about exactly what had changed in me. What was the breaking point for this breakthrough?? There was a miscarriage and then another miscarriage in a matter of months, friend drama, home drama, me drama... lots of drama... there were people speaking into my life and lots of self reflection. I think all of these things contributed to the change... but they didn't make the change... they didn't bring revival.

Revival came when I acknowledged that this journey is a battle I was willing to fight

I started fighting for my faith, fighting for my family, fighting for a life that is anything but stagnant and ordinary. I realized to have real breakthrough and serious transformation there could be no more sitting around waiting for life to happen to me. God showed me that HIS is an anointed fight... HIS is a battle we should all be up for... because HIS is the FIGHT that he has ordained for us all, from the beginning.

As this revival started to sprout in the depth of my darkest hours my eyes were opened to the heavy oppression and spirit of discouragement that filled our walls and covered our family. Like a mad woman I started rebuking the enemy first from my thoughts, then from my house and family. The verse of my soul was on my lips 24/7.

For God doesn't give us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love and self control. 2 Timothy 1:7

I proclaimed these words over my household... mostly because it's one of the only verses I knew by heart, but hey it fit:) I knew that if the dark feelings of hopelessness, and discouragement weren't from God, they were from the enemy, and I wanted them gone. In the power of Christ's name and grace I rebuked the enemy and cast him from our house. I taught my boys in their fear to say the words, "In the name of Jesus Christ Get out of here devil!" and as they began to say them with power and joy it strengthened me.

This may sound a little hocus pocusy to some... but I could feel the oppression of the enemy lift as we rebuked him as a family. I could feel the contentment of living a life of survival start to disappear as we prayed consistently for the enemy to be bound. It's like scales were lifted from my eyes and a new passion and hunger for God was born in the depths of my guts!

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:11-13

As a new mission for my life is starting take form I know more important than any ministry or calling is fighting daily, hourly or even by the minute for my family against the enemy. I have accepted God's gift of the POWER of his GRACE and in doing that I have waged a war against the enemy. It's a war I am willing to fight, and it's a battle I will never back down from. These words are not written lightly, they come from the depths, I am a natural born fighter... HE put that in me. But now instead of fighting people and the strongholds of my own sin I will fight the great accuser, the deceiver... the evil one. I am waging a war to be fought with love, humility and grace, one that can only be won with power  that only comes with having faith in a loving, forgiving and merciful God. I will fight as an act of worship for HIM.

For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God. 
1John 5:4-5

Leaving a Godly Legacy... Breaking The Cycle of Disfunction

No matter how you were raised….good, bad or ugly….you can CHOOSE to be different and leave a legacy of godliness!! So many of us are trapped by the decisions are parents made. We have their DNA and therefore we have to repeat what they did or didn’t do. NOOOOOO, this is a lie from the enemy! If you grew up in dysfunction, abuse, divorce or abandonment….the enemy wants you to stay there. He wants you to roll around in the muck and repeat those cycles of brokenness over and over!! The Lord, however, came to BREAK those cycles. 

Christ came to SET US FREE 

from bondage and slavery!!!! 

It’s true that our parents gave us life. We share DNA and often times we have the same mannerisms, thought patterns and quirks. We wouldn’t be here without them, true. A more important TRUTH is that we were created in GOD’S IMAGE!!! He made each one of us to know Him, walk with Him and to be His children. He wants us to call Him “Abba”, which means “Daddy”. How amazing is that?? God has adopted us as His own and wants us….no, LONGS FOR US, to call Him “Daddy”!!!

At 39 years old, I am an orphan. 

No parents or grandparents to speak of. I was thinking about the legacy my parents left me and what part I am holding on to. My dad left me with issues of abandonment, lack of trust and unfaithfulness. My mom left me with knowing how to love others, how to give generously and always keep my promises. But neither parent left me a GODLY legacy. Neither one showed me how to walk in faith, how to know Christ or how to be a godly wife and mother. My Heavenly Father showed me these things. He has been walking with me as an adult, breaking the cycles of brokenness….and filling me with a new hope. My sweet family of five is growing and thriving in God’s goodness. My kids can’t relate to the darkness that exists in dysfunction….and for this, I am thankful!!

Today, I don’t resemble my parents. I resemble my Abba!!! Our parents are stewards of our lives here on earth but GOD is the Giver of Life. We don’t have to imitate the patterns of our past! We can move forward in Christ and imitate Him. Since we are adopted as God’s children, we are daughters of the Almighty King! We can walk everyday victorious. Freed from our past and with the hope of a new future.

How can we do this?

1. Take hold of His Truth. Don’t just read that we are adopted by God. BELIEVE it. WALK in it.

2. Create boundaries. You may have family that’s still dysfunctional. In order to break free from destructive cycles, we need to put up HEALTHY boundaries. Protect your home – physically, emotionally and spiritually.

3. Guard our hearts. The Bible says that God’s peace which transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7) We need to pray over our families. Pray for God’s peace. Be alert and know that God is with us every step of breaking free!!

PS. This is my ring from Israel. It says “Abba” in Hebrew. It is my daily reminder that I am His!

[life desensitized] fighting to live beyond complacency

The other night I was watching one of the multitude of one hour crime dramas and I drifted to sleep while watching the head M.E. sew up a corpse after an autopsy. After years and years of watching shows like CSI, Law and Order, Bones and others seeing a dead body splayed open on a metal table with a doctor elbow deep in intestines and organs is nothing. It looks so real but it doesn't affect me... doesn't make me sick, in fact it's kind of expected now. Ready to throw up your breakfast??? Or have you been as desensitized as I have been??

I know this is a big jump but just like my mind being desensitized to the gruesome reality of a TV world filled with murder and graphic autopsy... I feel like my heart has been desensitized to the absolute POWER of God's word. I was reading my friend Fiona's blog the other day... (A Little Bit of Honesty) and she was talking about the verse Philippians 4:13 hitting her like she had just read it for the first time...

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."

Read this and soak it in... seriously do you realize what this is saying... WE CAN DO ALL THINGS with faith in Christ. I think so many times I read over verses like this and think hmmm thats cool but really my lack of faith keeps me from thinking this really applies to me.

When we read God's word and don't fully live it... and don't fully believe it actually applies to us, the enemy has us right where he wants us. We come out of church or bible study feeling fluffy and comforted by a God who is generous and can help us when we need it... HELLO?!?!?!?! That's us being desensitized to the absolute POWER of God's word and promise and will for our lives! That's us walking out of our churchy time in complacency and consumed with enough feel good crappy fluff to keep us content to live an ordinary life bound by safety and comfort for one more week. 

For so long I have been frustrated with studies, sermons, retreats and worship songs that make God seem fluffy and turn us into a heard of spiritually selfish consumers... BUT guess what.. It's not the sermons or the studies or the songs that weaken God's word, IT'S ME!!! I have the power to either make God's word a pile of self serving fluff.... OR I can actually believe the words that are written, I can CHOSE to live in them and not just say them or sing them in a pretty song. They are POWERFUL, they are LIFE SHAKING, they are WORLD CHANGING words that  do apply to me and that do apply to you. 

He doesn't just want to fill us up with fluff so we can survive our own lives... he wants to fill us with the power of his GRACE that will flow through us to change ourselves so we can encourage others and actually affect the world we live in. 

Today I have several powerful verses that after reading in new light, with new eyes have knocked me on my butt!!! THEY HAVE SERIOUSLY BLOWN ME AWAY... because I am choosing to live in them today... I am choosing not just to read them and think "how nice"... I am reading them and praying IN FAITH that God will do this in me... TODAY... when we pray and believe MIGHTY things can happen... I will no longer be desensitized to His Spirit!

James 1:5-6  If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.

John 14: 12-14   I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!

Romans 8:15-16   So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.

2 Peter 1:3-4   By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.

Ephesians 1:19-20  I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms.

These are just a few of my favorites... today I am fearlessly confessing I have made these verses fluff in my life... but I am now shedding the crappy fluffy attitude of spiritual consumerism and complacency... and I am choosing to live powerfully in the faith that what I read is actually true.

Breaking Free... Fearlessly Crushing Strongholds

Photo By Maria Alexandra Photography

A couple of weeks ago I couldn't have told you what a "stronghold" even was. I knew I was being gripped by rebellion and pride but after recognizing their power in my life I had NO CLUE how to release them. I had a friend come over and pray for me and in the midst of a 30 second prayer for freedom from these things I felt myself release them and take them back... it was weird... like really weird. I felt a split second of lightness followed by the heaviness of oppression I have chosen to carry for a lifetime.

I knew what I did but I didn't know why. For days I beat myself up until I realized why:

I didn't know who I would be without the comfort of the sin that has bound me for over 30 years. 

The things that kept me from being free were also honestly a very comforting piece of who I was. MY foul mouth, my rebellious head bob and "tell it like it is" attitude were a shield I hid behind to protect my heart. My self hatred and anger and ability to put myself down with humor before others had the chance were how I survived... they were my protection, my excuse... for not moving forward in faith.

A couple of weeks ago I started reading about my "STRONGHOLDS"... REBELLION, PRIDE, A CRITICAL SPIRIT, SELF-PITY... oh list goes on believe me... and while I already knew these things were suffocating the work God was trying to do in and through me... I still didn't know how to move on from them.

It's been through reading God's word, and books on this subject that I realized there are actual steps to rid myself of these and bind myself to other strongholds that are actually from God....

In the Freedom Manual, Bryan Brennt said to remember the 4 R's: (on a side note this manual is amazing and I would fully recommend spending the $10 to download the PDF version no digital reader required.)

{REPENT}

{RECEIVE}

{REBUKE}

{REPLACE}

What I realized is that once I had identified the sin that was holding me back I had just been kind of sitting in it... bathing in it... soaking it in and beating the CRAP out of myself. THAT'S NOT WHAT GOD WANTS... the purpose of recognizing sin is to then be FREE from it, not wallow in it. And if we don't know how to move on the ENEMY can use it to push us down even more. (Matthew 12:45... read it!)

It's through REPENTING (sincerely expressing our sin to God) and then REBUKING the enemy (Actually saying out loud: In the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke the spirit of ___________ in my life, remove the enemy and bind him from this area!) that we begin to heal. But here's the kicker... when the sin is emptied, you have to RECEIVE God's mercy and grace and the RELACING that space with His TRUTH.

This sounds simple but I wonder if there is anyone else out there who has sat in a place of self pity and self disgust... allowing the enemy to oppress and do almost more damage than the original sin??? I am done sitting... I have shaken off those strongholds and I have accepted God's Grace and refilled my mind with HIS truth! 

NOW I am praying that my strongholds would be GRACE, FATIH,  MERCY,  LOVE and COMPASSION.

All over in the new testament HE tells us if we ask HE WILL GIVE FREELY... we just have to believe and HE will make us overcomers... He will make us strong, HE will help us fight... I'm ready to ask AND BELIEVE... are you?

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." 

-Matthew 7:7-11

Fight Club

Written on Unfolding Diamonds October 28, 2010

This topic is so great. I feel like in the last year and half since I wrote this I could add way more. I am just going to leave it at this. It takes a heart of courage to fight. Check your heart on this matter...what do you think?

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say the word, FIGHT?

Is it a verbal argument, where words and spears are thrown with the intent to hurt? Or, maybe for you, it’s where fists are literally thrown and physical injury occurs?

Well, I’m not talking about either. I’m making reference to a sort of fighting, that these days just doesn’t happen enough…..

FIGHTING FOR UNDERSTANDING

This is a fight that isn’t sought to injure, but mend. A reaching out for the heart of another. The decision to stand firm and stay until a resolution occurs.

We live in a day and age of SELFISH people. We are all about ME!!! I’m talking about me too! This is just another topic I write about because it’s a road I have walked. I never ever knew what it meant to stay and fight for understanding. If I felt hurt, mad, or even misunderstood, I tossed on my sneakers and ran!!! Ran away from my family, my friends, my relationship, I just chose to run. It was too hard to stay.

Why was it so hard for you Lu? Well you really want to know? Vulnerability, yep…that simple little word. I would have nothing of the sort. Let others see I was hurt, sad, upset…nope they just saw I was mad, annoyed, or impatient. That was way safer. It was way easier to toss those emotions out and distance my heart.

I never chose to stay and fight for understanding or to even offer up my own heart so the other could better understand where I was coming from. I just ran away from it.

We also live in a society that is not afraid to toss another under the bus, to pierce with words, to gossip, to just show no sort of respect. It’s sad actually. The thing is that I now find that so sad when before I just joined ‘em. I would speak words and then wished I hadn’t, but they were already out…so deal with it!!!! Well not anymore. I want to be careful with my tongue. I want to be vulnerable with my heart when it’s safe. I want to fight for understanding with those that I love.

So I feel like maybe I could be rambling so I’m going to give you an idea of what exactly what I mean for it’s something I am very much learning.

Have you ever walked into a room of some people and when you walk in it gets a little quiet and you automatically assume they were talking about you? Did you ever think that it might never have been that at all? Yeah me either. How many times have you gone back to those people and just asked them? Why not? Were you afraid you might be rejected, afraid of wounding your pride? Well here’s what happens is that your mind and heart begins to run and run and run as to what they could have been talking about. In that very moment seeds of uncertainty, untruth, and anger begin to take root and grow….they take over and they begin to effect the perception of those in the room. You may become bitter, resentful….ever thought maybe there was nothing being said at all?

Why not just ask….I know, that’s a crazy thought, that’s a little scary, but it’s part of the fight. Or if they were talking maybe it wasn’t anything bad. Ask. Desire to understand.

When you want to run in the middle of a conversation where you feel hurt, stay and fight, when you hurt another, REPENT, stay, and fight...their hearts on the line.

We can no longer make assumptions...because the saying still rings true...when we assume it makes an "ass out of you and me". Assumptions on the behalf of another person are so DANGEROUS. It's send our minds and our hearts down a very nasty path. Take your pick..self-pity, self-rejection, anger, bitterness, resentment...you get the point.

Fight, fight, fight for the hearts of those that matter. If they don’t matter, that’s a totally different story. If they do matter then close the gap that could begin between two hearts. When there is understanding found, hearts love more, hearts trust more, and relationships thrive.

PS...it's a light sabre in my hand...

When HOPE becomes an idol, confessions of a warrior mom.

Oh I have been wrestling with the Lord a lot lately, okay, the last 10 years or so. A couple months ago God showed me that in a matter closest to my heart-and one that causes pain I never dreamed of-that instead of clinging to Christ I’d clung to hope. Hope is a wondrous thing. It’s a good thing and often in my life I cling to things that my Bible tells me are good things: holiness, faith, hope, and love, etc.

Can hope become an idol?I guess so, for me anyway. I had built hope up into something that became my rock. 

“The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. (Psalms 18:2)” 

It does not say hope is my rock. No wonder my walk with God lost its vibrancy. I have hoped beyond hope for a situation to be reconciled…or more honestly put, “fixed to my satisfaction, for my joy”. I was with a couple other moms retreating for a night and as I sat alone in the lobby of this old hotel in the morning with my Bible, I recognized that God was calling me out. (I told my friends I felt “spanked”.) I was wrong. My hope is IN HIM, not in hope. I am to cast all my cares on HIM, not in hope that they get better or that the difficulties my son experiences with autism magically depart. I think it was easier to hope in hope, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of not having my prayers answered the way I want. I have often hated the “A” word (aka autism) for so many reasons . Mostly because it feels like "it" steals the best of who my son is and steals peace and joy from our home. It feels like a tool of the enemy who wants to steal everything good and cause destruction of hurricane proportions.

The last couple of weeks I have wrestled with God over pulling our son from public school. I have asked God (yes, I am ashamed), “Please don’t make me do this, anything but this”. I am not up to the task. My marriage will suffer. As little as I get out now…poof, now even less! Lunch dates with girlfriends will really never happen. Hubby and I will never have another lunch “date”. Great, kill me now.

I have been willing to serve God, even suffer for Him, but I have always wanted to choose HOW. 

I am so wrong, about so much. My love that I consider pure and unshakeable for God is really conditional. I want Him to have all of me…on my terms. Oh, that is so hard to type. I am selfish and lack trust. I have bucked the mantle of “suffering servant”. Christ washed the feet of his disciples and said we should do the same. It sounds nice, sure okay, I can do that. Can I really? Do I? I realized when it is for people who love me back, I can. When it’s from someone who essentially just takes and takes, sometimes cursing me in the process, I’m not so willing.

I would stand in front of a bullet for this boy-and my other 3 kids- or take the charge of an angry bear. I know without a shadow of a doubt that is true. How can I be so unwilling to keep pouring out love, in a different way, in the service of home schooling?

I don’t really want to attempt the hard stuff feel all challenged and actually experience failure on a regular basis. I have to lay it all out for God and ask Him to show me the ick…I know it’s there. I just want to ignore it and make some brownies. However, my true heart for Him is manifest in how I deal with suffering.

Am I really willing to share in the suffering of my Lord and Savior or do I just talk a good game?

As a mom I have felt suffering. Parenthood opens your soul up wide to every potential kind of hurt that exists. Am I ready to embrace it in a way that allows God to change me into someone who may one day resemble his Son, the One who modeled perfect love? Do I just want to use my suffering to commiserate with other moms and let them know they are not alone? Suffering, Lord, any kind, let me be willing to walk through it with You.

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.”

—2 Corinthians 4:8-11

So much comes down to fear and pride in this one question for me, “What if I’m not enough?!” I have asked it and felt it for much of my life. The answer? Who the heck is? That’s why I need Jesus, that is why HE suffered. I am NOT enough, only He is. In surrender, I see that autism can be a tool in which God continues to scrape away the selfish, peace and joy seeking parts of my character. When that happens, maybe I will really learn what it means to seek Jesus, wholeheartedly. Maybe, homeschooling is the screen upon which my son will be able to see Jesus in his mommy. I’ve tried to show him in countless other ways for years, but maybe this will be the venue, time, and place that God will capture his attention and his heart. That makes me smile and feel strangely unafraid for what’s to come.

Fighting Emotion with Prayer and Grace

I want to talk about emotions…and doubt and fear… No matter how you look at it.. We are emotional people. We get annoyed (I get annoyed a lot...im working on it.) I get sad, I get excited I get angry… and the list goes on. I sometimes let all these emotions get in the way of meeting with God ...every day. I FEEL less than… I FEEL like I'm not doing enough for Him.. I FEEL like I can do better.. Or be used by Jesus in bigger and better ways.. All those feelings of mine.. Are self-doubt!! Its like this war going on in my head.. It's total confusion.. I pray before I get out of bed… “Lord, Use me today. I want to lay my entire day at your feet Lord, use me for your purpose today and not my own” then I get out of bed and my husband didn’t make the coffee or take the stinky dinner trash out and im ANNOYED… (even though I just prayed, this meaningful prayer) I let my emotions get me every time!!!

So then I have a choice.. Say “thanks for making the coffee… I really appreciate it, and it smells really “good” in here by the way” in a major sarcastic tone with my robe on and bed head… that’s got to be a terrible way for my husband to wake up… oh my gosh.. Now he will be annoyed!! OR I can make the coffee and take the trash out and when my husband gets up say “good morning”…

I pray for Gods Grace.

I want to be a better wife, mother and friend.. I can't do any of these things without Jesus every single day. Every step of the way.. every time I get upset or annoyed..

Our emotions and thoughts are linked to each other.. our thoughts and feelings cant rule us, unless we let them.

Romans 8:5 says. .For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.

So if we let our thoughts lead us… which are probably not going to be good if we are angry or sad or annoyed.. We will have bad attitudes towards everything.. Flesh without the holy spirit is dark and negative and NOT a good place to be... But if we learn the word of God and set our minds to having a mind of the spirit we will be filled with life and peaceful calm emotions and Joy and Love.. Jesus called us to peace

I have to pray for this..

Every day I need to ask for His guidance and love and Grace. I need these things to be a better Wife, Mother and Friend... I am human and have a sinful nature.. This is why its so important for me to lay my day down each morning for Him. To meet God in the first thing and see where it leads my day. Sometimes I literally roll out of bed and go to the kitchen put my hands on my bible and say “Lord im meeting you.. Please meet me, I want to hear you Lord, show me what you want me to see today."

If I am calm and peaceful I can learn to have an ear to hear Him and what He wants from me in each day..

… I have been amazed at His plan for me!! He has divine meetings for all of us if we let him! 

[editors note: I was listening to a podcast this week and it was challenging listeners to start each day by praising God for 10 things... before our feet hit the floor in the morning to praise him... I have seen such a difference as I pray and praise him in the morning... I AM NOT a morning person... and this helps me start off with JOY and CONTENTMENT... it's been the most amazingly simple but profoundly impacting thing I've done in my spiritual life... Linz:)]