Patience... Oh how I hate thee

I think I had been dating my husband about 2 months when I asked, "So when are we going to get married." I wasn't joking, it wasn't a pressure thing... I just knew he was the one and I didn't see any reason for putting off what was sure to come. I think he kind of choked and and stuttered and then laughed a little. It took a month for him to actually ask me himself, it was excruciating. Every night as he would kiss me goodnight at my front door, I was waiting for him to get down on one knee and pop the question. I didn't care how he did it... I'm not really very sentimental... I just wanted it done. Then after a month I got a call while looking for wedding dresses (he still hadn't asked mind you, this is how IMPATIENT I really am) Anyway, back to the call, he wanted to take me to the coast for the day... score... this had to be the day!!!

When we got there he cooked me dinner and we took a walk on the beach at sunset... it was beautiful... We sat up on a rock and at just the right moment he read me the most amazing letter and asked me to be his wife. I can't even tell you how perfect and amazing that evening was. Waaaay better than tossing me a ring at my front door, obviously... I'm such an idiot sometimes.

PATIENCE... I hate it... I don't want it... it's against everything I stand for and every fiber of my being. 

It's so unnatural... virtue smirtue!!! When I know something will be or needs to be or could be, this is the thought process that seeps into every pore on my body...  What, pray??? What, wait??? What, rest and see what happens??? Ohhh no no no no... I get things done, I make things happen, and if God wants to get involved that's the frosting on the cake.

WHYYYYY am I like this?? Why can't I chill and process and wait on God?? Yesterday I was telling C.J. (my very patient husband), that I know the calling God has placed on my life... I don't know specifics I don't know when or where... but I want to and I'm frustrated I don't. I want a plan of attack... I want to be in action... and I want it NOW! He kind of kicked me in the face when he pointed out that resting in what God is doing right now in my life isn't choosing to be complacent... it's being patient while God prepares me for what he has for my life. Saying YES to him everyday even in the small stuff... ISN'T SMALL STUFF... it's building my faith and building a Godly character, it's taking me through a process that is preparing me for the role he has for me in His kingdom.

This morning as I was reading about Sarah in Genesis, the smack in my face continued... I am her... she is me... She totally believed that God could fulfill His covenant with her husband... just not through her!!! So what did she do... she stepped in and tried to "fix" the process and gave her servant to her husband to fulfill the gift and blessing God had set aside for her alone. Then when she heard his plan and found out that at 90 she would become a mother she laughed... AT GOD... THAT'S ME.

I try to do everything myself all the time. It's exhausting and honestly it almost never, ever, ever  works... so why why why do I keep doing it?? I am Sarah when she laughed, I am Peter when he promised to never forsake Jesus, not knowing how unprepared his spirit really was to go in to battle. And now... it's time to rest in patience... it's time to be joyful in this growing season and know that he is doing great works in me now and will continue to even greater works in time, if I let him...

Answering His Call

Honing in on that gentle gesture, I won't ignore it this time

"Come Away With Me My Love"

He draws me to my knees for another unfolding shift

Unparalleled to any other experience I've had

"Come Away With Me My Love"

I feel Him drawing closer, only this time I'm ready for full exposure

I'm no longer afraid to behold His glory

"Come Away With Me My Love"

No more seeking to earn this love You've poured upon me for so many years

I've done so much to show my earnest love for You

Only to hear You once more

"Come Away With Me My Love"

Guarded by my own agenda 

And still Your power poured through

Now is the time to face my biggest fear - INTIMACY

I'm grabbing hold of my beloved's voice

Please do not disturb us, I must go away with Him now.

To Be Continued...

You Want Me to Do What?

(This picture has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with today's post....but yesterday at church there was a stat thrown out as to how often children laugh vs. adults...it's a scary stat. The average child laughs 300 times a day...an adult 7....So there's your laugh from me)

Sometimes I gotta say it just doesn’t make sense...

Lord what the heck was that all about? Wait you want me to do what? But Lord I’m really busy….can’t you see that?

I just wanted to share a testimony to build your faith and to challenge you to step out in boldness. We talk about being fearless, about being free....don't forget we gotta walk it out too!!!

So a few weeks back I was sitting waiting for church to start and I looked over and saw this man and immediately felt like I was supposed to pray for him. I wasn't sure what for, so I asked the Lord. I felt very strongly that I was to pray for healing because he was sick. I bantered back and forth...well bantered basically with the Lord explaining all the reasons I couldn't go and pray for him. I finally did though. I asked him what his name was and if it would be ok if I prayed for him. I told him I felt like the Lord asked me to pray for his health and so I asked him about his health...he then proceeded to tell me that he was terminally ill with psorosis of the liver and that he had just had a cancer treatment on his liver.

My faith was massive at that point...Lord I really did hear your voice??? Well of course you did silly...pray for the man....

I brought my friend Bill with me and Bill put his hands on his stomach and placed them on his chest and his back. His breathing was incredibly labored. I began to pray that the Lord would come and invade his body...not 10 seconds in John's tears are streaming down my hand. We began to pray, he wept, he cried out for the Lord, he accepted Jesus. The spirit invaded the heart of this man and he walked himself through repentance and accepting Jesus. At one point I said John have you ever accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior...he said...I think I just did. It was so funny.

He showed up that day a man who was physically hungry and he will tell you that he left full...he looked like a different man, he said he felt lighter and filled with the love Jesus like he had never felt before. He said he knew God had been chasing him his entire life. Mind you John was diagnosed terminally ill in 2007 and was given 2 months to live.

The next week he showed up to church dressed in a suit and tie. He didn't know why but he felt like he should. So as we began to chat I asked him if he wanted to get baptized...HE WAS SO EXCITED!!! So we took him down that day to the pier in his dress shirt and slacks and baptized him. He is homeless but shows up on campus most days to help with some construction stuff. He will talk about how much God has changed his life. Oh yeah that Sunday night he accepted the Lord he said he never slept. He picked up a Bible and read from Job to Matthew...he couldn't put it down. The man started in Job and continued to read. =)

So what I'm getting at is LISTEN TO THE LORD'S VOICE. John believes he is fully healed. I will agree with him but either way John is seated in heavenly places and his salvation was found that day. Had I not been obedient, John may have never met Jesus. Be obedient when God speaks. If you don't quite get what he's asking...ask him. He's a good leader and a really good teacher.

Ask the Lord to bring people this week...people to pray for, to encourage, to share the simplicity of the gospel. Had I been prideful and sat and not wanted to look silly if I asked to pray for sickness and the man wasn't even sick....man I didn't want to pray for him...he could have died never knowing the Lord. Think about that next time you choose to be bold or not to....you could be the last person they ever speak to...you could be the only person to ever tell them about Jesus.

Be bold!!!! Ask the Lord for people, words, verses, etc. He's dying to tell you.



3 Rounds of...
Run for 3 minutes (good challenging pace)
1 minute squats
1 minute situps
1 minute pushups

Keep a tally of your total amount of reps.

One Friday... His Sacrifice Set us Free

When the Roman officer overseeing the execution saw what had happened, he worshiped God and said, “Surely this man was innocent.” And when all the crowd that came to see the crucifixion saw what had happened, they went home in deep sorrow. But Jesus’ friends, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance watching. 
-Luke 23:47-49

Reading and reflecting over the pages of the bible I always try to identify with the characters in the stories. I, of course, always identify with people who have the most faith and are the wisest... ahahahaha! It's true though, so many times I think as I'm reading stories of the unbelief, fear or hesitation of Jesus' followers, I'm over here going, you idiot... JUST BELIEVE HIM ALREADY, HE'S RIGHT THERE WITH YOU AND YOU STILL QUESTION HIM!

Today, as I was reading about the crucifixion in Luke, the above verse caught my eye... The Roman officer saw what had happened and worshiped God... but Jesus' followers stood at a distance watching. We all know I am no bible scholar... but I just pictured these women standing in shock trying to process what had just happened... and I totally identified with them. I think I would have been thinking about what this meant for my faith and my family... wondering if any of it was really true. I know this because even now when I can feel and hear God so plainly one day, my questions and doubt (aka the enemy) creep in the next and make me wonder about the path I have chosen. If someone was reading the story of my life I think they would be screaming... JUST BELIEVE HIM ALREADY, HE'S RIGHT THERE WITH YOU AND YOU STILL QUESTION HIM!

I love God and my faith is stronger than it has ever been, His sacrificed has never seemed greater for me than it does today. But there are still days I find myself holding back... standing at the edges and watching others, trying to take in the situation, rather than diving in as a leader and blazing a trail... even at the risk of looking stupid and being condemned by people who don't believe what I believe. It's scary... but the point of His crucifixion and the resurrection is to remove the fear.

As we go into this weekend filled with time with friends and family, I want to just soak in the power of HIS grace... the power of the sacrifice he made for me. ME, the one who loves Him but waivers in faith and confidence... the one who wants to blaze a trail in his name but is terrified of saying and doing the wrong thing. He sacrificed for ME... He sacrificed for YOU... SOAK IT IN... for the very first time in my life I am choosing to bath in the glory of loving a God who has chosen to love me and sacrifice for me even at my very worst (and that's pretty bad)... I'm embarrassed to say while I have appreciated it in the past... I have NEVER soaked it in and deeply worshiped him on this day... and let me tell you... there is POWER in soaking! So this weekend I am soaking it in, and THEN ... it's time to start blazing baby:):)

Faith over Feelings... what a concept!

I will no longer allow my feeling and emotions dictate whether or not I say yes to God... here is why..

"How much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets. By FAITH these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight."

- Hebrews 11:32-34 (NLT)

...because I want this kind of faith... 

Daughter of the King

Photo by GYPSY JANE PHOTOGRAPHY (Picture of my niece Paisley taken by my sis-in-law)

The above quote was emailed to me the other night with a note of encouragement from one of our readers (Thank you Hannah). With my face in my hands that night sobbing, those words dropped so deeply into my heart.

Sheesh...and even as I'm attempting to type this I am struggling to see through the tears. I know what it's like to walk away from the familiar because being about my father's business in this season has led me here Kona (for those who may not know I walked away from the gym I owned for six years and now am a full-time missionary serving in YWAM). It's such a blessing to get up every morning to sunshine and ocean but boy, what I wouldn't give to wake up to cloudy skies but to be able to hug my mom, have coffee face to face with my friends, or feel little munchkin arms wrapped around my neck and hearing, "Hi Auntie LuLu".

(Kleenex Break...I'm sobbing my eyes out and have snot running down my face)

I battle everyday to stand out, to look more like Jesus, to not fit the bill of the world. But, some days it's hard to not just throw in the towel and go back to the normalcy of life. I am not called to have my own apartment right now, i'm called to live in 650 sq. ft. with 8 girls at the age of 31. I'm called to a twin bed and one shelf to place my things. I'm called to a full-time job in missions that lends itself to no paycheck.

Please don't hear me complaining...I'm just comparing the seasons of my life.

This is a season of massive growth. I see it, I feel it, I know it...but it's still hard because I have no clue what is ahead. Will I meet my husband soon? Will I live in Kona for another year? Will I write a book? Will I get to speak my heart to groups of women? Will I end up in some remote village in the Amazon? Will I even be alive tomorrow? Nothing is certain that is for sure. The one thing I am sure of is that as hard as this all is...IT'S ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!!!!

I got to say no to the world and yes to Jesus. I got to step out of the familiar and into the unknown. I got to give up everything I have worked the last ten years for and step into missions. I got to say yes to Jesus with everything I had in me. I was give the opportunity to say yes to standing out, to doing something crazy for a God I have never seen. This is a crazy journey of faith and I am so glad I'm on it.

Not everyone can pick up and move as I did...but maybe some of you could?!?!?! Just throwing it out there...Kona is amazing =). But let me ask you this...where in your life could you do less fitting in and more standing out? What area of your life could you choose to no longer walk in compromise? What area of your life have you been trying to fit into and you just don't fit...you know like when I try and put on a size 4 jeans when I really should be trying on the 10....You get what I'm saying right?!?!??!

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you; Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging your down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Romans 12:1-2 MSG

We are to set ourselves apart...not in arrogance but in the way we live our lives. We are to serve when the rest of the world is being selfish. We are to walk humbly while pride rears it's ugly head. We are to be self-controlled while those around us rage out of control. We are to love even when they seem unlovable. We do things backwards, inside out, and upside down when we do life with the God of the Universe. It's definitely not easy...but it's absolutely worth it. Being the Daughter of the King is the best place EVER!!!

Max Rounds in 20 Minutes

5 Pushups

10 Lunges

15 Situps

Workout all the way through one round and then on to the next for 20 minutes. On your pushups try and get that chest to the floor, even if you have to go from your knees. Really look to get a greater range of motion. On your lunges make sure on your front foot that you are never in your toes (yucky on those knees) stay in that front heel as you drive up. Keep your torso upright and try to get that back knee tap the floor. On your situps make sure your head hits the floor each and every time. Good luck. Have fun and train hard!!!

A Call To Fight...

Last night CJ and I were talking with some friends about this spiritual revival that has taken over our lives,  and it made me start thinking about exactly what had changed in me. What was the breaking point for this breakthrough?? There was a miscarriage and then another miscarriage in a matter of months, friend drama, home drama, me drama... lots of drama... there were people speaking into my life and lots of self reflection. I think all of these things contributed to the change... but they didn't make the change... they didn't bring revival.

Revival came when I acknowledged that this journey is a battle I was willing to fight

I started fighting for my faith, fighting for my family, fighting for a life that is anything but stagnant and ordinary. I realized to have real breakthrough and serious transformation there could be no more sitting around waiting for life to happen to me. God showed me that HIS is an anointed fight... HIS is a battle we should all be up for... because HIS is the FIGHT that he has ordained for us all, from the beginning.

As this revival started to sprout in the depth of my darkest hours my eyes were opened to the heavy oppression and spirit of discouragement that filled our walls and covered our family. Like a mad woman I started rebuking the enemy first from my thoughts, then from my house and family. The verse of my soul was on my lips 24/7.

For God doesn't give us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love and self control. 2 Timothy 1:7

I proclaimed these words over my household... mostly because it's one of the only verses I knew by heart, but hey it fit:) I knew that if the dark feelings of hopelessness, and discouragement weren't from God, they were from the enemy, and I wanted them gone. In the power of Christ's name and grace I rebuked the enemy and cast him from our house. I taught my boys in their fear to say the words, "In the name of Jesus Christ Get out of here devil!" and as they began to say them with power and joy it strengthened me.

This may sound a little hocus pocusy to some... but I could feel the oppression of the enemy lift as we rebuked him as a family. I could feel the contentment of living a life of survival start to disappear as we prayed consistently for the enemy to be bound. It's like scales were lifted from my eyes and a new passion and hunger for God was born in the depths of my guts!

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:11-13

As a new mission for my life is starting take form I know more important than any ministry or calling is fighting daily, hourly or even by the minute for my family against the enemy. I have accepted God's gift of the POWER of his GRACE and in doing that I have waged a war against the enemy. It's a war I am willing to fight, and it's a battle I will never back down from. These words are not written lightly, they come from the depths, I am a natural born fighter... HE put that in me. But now instead of fighting people and the strongholds of my own sin I will fight the great accuser, the deceiver... the evil one. I am waging a war to be fought with love, humility and grace, one that can only be won with power  that only comes with having faith in a loving, forgiving and merciful God. I will fight as an act of worship for HIM.

For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God. 
1John 5:4-5