Surrender vs. Grudging Acceptance... Round One

In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:6

I guess I really should use the word submission when in my discussion here, but surrender is the word that God keeps bringing back to my heart. Even if I manage to surrender something that I have held onto (or to do something I know God has put in front of me to do), it’s a challenge to stay in surrender mode. Often what I have done in my life looks a whole lot more like grudgingly accepting “whatever God allows” in my life. Even that is most likely half hearted most of the time. I want to feel good about my level of submission to the Lord that I truly love, so sometimes I guess I can put a rosy tint on how I am doing.

God doesn’t use a lovely pink filter…He sees it all for what it is. He sees my desire to stand before Him unashamed, but He also sees my efforts for what they are and when I justify things within my own mind so that I can make myself feel like I’m surrendering when I really not. He also knows how much I want my paths straightened, as the verse above says and He knows when my submission is pure or if it is “to get something”, like straightened paths. 

¹sur·ren·der,transitive verb

1a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand <surrendered the fort> b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

2a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)

intransitive verb: to give oneself up into the power of another : yield

I know that my loving Father doesn’t want the first definition in my surrender, where I feel a demand to let go. He’s not like that; He doesn’t put demands on us. The second, even though it uses the word “prisoner” as an example is where I want to be and where I am designed to be…in a state of yielding to the One who made me and knows me best. He knows what will give me true fulfillment and help me to have a lot fewer regrets one day, were I too fast forward 50 years.

I don’t want to waste my life and spend it on things that don’t matter. It’s my biggest “good fear”, if there is such a thing. Again, I am faced with how much more my trust in Him needs to grow bigger. 

 I think that when I don’t fully surrender, it’s because I am lacking in the full measure of trust. 

Lately, I am even more enthralled than usual with nebulas. If you Google nebula, and have any admiration for starry skies at all, you will be enthralled, too. There are so many colors and configurations, all different, and all beautiful. This is what I think, now, when I look at the images: the God who created that magnificence that fills me with so much wonder and awe, also…made me. I can trust Him and my trials (and issues) are not too big for Him. It puts me in my place in half a heartbeat. He is awesome, me…not so much. Left to my own devices and “wisdom” (tee hee), I am a wreck. I have proven it over and over in the seasons of my life that I was not in a place of surrender to God. I make a thorough mess of things on my own, apart from Him. There may be a shining, shallow moment here and there when I try to call the shots, but all in all, that is not the life I want. Any good things are still because of Him, even if I’m rebelling. The God of the universe, who made galaxies and all that they contain, also made me and I want to be fully His, because I love Him so much. I want to surrender.

It’s like Lu’s workouts, though, I can’t do them just once and say I did! It’s a constant thing. If I want to consistently walk in the Holy Spirit’s power, I must surrender all my “wants” each day. 

There is nothing like the first week of home schooling a teenager on the autism spectrum to show me the truth of that statement. I think surrender is like breathing, to benefit from it, I have to keep doing it…and I would love for it to become that automatic!