CONTROL: My Secret Confession

Hi my name is Lindsay and I am a closet control freak. I mean, I came out of the womb with that screw you shoulder bob and I'm pretty sure my first sentence was, "uhhh don't tell me what to do." My first draft of wedding vows purposefully left out the word "submit" because I couldn't stomach the word... but then I added it back in because I knew people wouldn't expect it and IIIIIIIIIII wanted to be in control of what people thought of me. BUT the funny thing is I've never EVER thought of myself struggling with control...

Ahhh, as I write I'm reeling... God has revealed so much to me in the past few days of my need for control. The way I put myself down before others have a chance to so I can control how much of my junk they can see. Not letting my kids venture out and do extracurricular activities unless I'm 2 feet from them, so people can't see how out of control autism makes our lives. Going COMPLETELY CRAZY, (like we're talking Wanda the witch on crack) if someone changes my schedule. Oh and my crowning glory.. growing a snarling second head and castrating my husband with my words if I feel like he's trying to "control" me in the slightestest way...

CRAAAAP!!! I could go on for days about how I am a certified control queen, BUT the point of this is growth, redemption and finding out what keeps me from being who God created me to be. It's almost exciting to constantly see the strongholds God points out a) because there is NO CONDEMNATION in Christ... so while it's not pretty... there is no guilt... just freedom to change and b) because in ripping these ugly parts out of me I am growing in God's grace and power and as I get my junk out of the way he uses me in different ways that are exciting, full of adventure and serious joy.

Either way, CHRIST'S LOVE CONTROLS US. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. 

-2 Corinthians 5:14-15

 I love what Brian Brennt says about control in the Freedom Resource Manual, "Control can become so integrated into a personality that we may not be able to detect any element of it. It can hide so deep within us that we may be unable to distinguish between our true, God- given personality, and the stronghold of control. Our sense of identity and our emotions can be completely submerged in the stronghold of control."

A friend and I were talking the other day and she was saying how the thing that absolutely undoes her in others is usually something she's struggling with ... without even knowing it. CONTROL has been that for me. My biggest fights with my husband have been when I feel like he's trying to control me... and if we're getting really down and dirty I have always had NO problem calling it out and being SUPER judgmental when I think someone else has "control" issues. 

Today I am choosing break the stronghold of control in my life! I confess that it has driven me and kept me from Jesus and being the woman He created me to be. I confess I have sinned in the name of needing to control my life and in the name of not wanting to be controlled by anyone or anything. But I break the enemy's power... in the name of Jesus I bind satan from the area of control in my life. It's done it's over, it's finished... Lord Jesus fill me with your love and grace. Give me the strength to pry my white clenching knuckles off of this part of my life... I want to be controlled by your love... I want to live your way... I want to move mountains and be the healer of hearts you have called me to be... and I know I can't do that while being strangled by the need to control. Amen....

Do you struggle with needing to control certain areas of your life? Is it something you need to break off?? Then do it... to be uber spiritual about this: it's time to poop or get off the pot... seriously!! It's time!  Need prayer??? I'll pray with you... This journey is hard and scary and gross sometimes but it's also UH-MAZING and adventurous and exciting!!!!!